Don’t rule out dating those with different beliefs

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He put his hands gently around my face and looked lovingly into
my eyes. I knew that whatever he was about to say would change my
life.

“Baby, I’m a Republican.”

I stared at him in disbelief. All I could think was, “My
dad is gonna kill me.” I come from a family of Democrats. The
offspring of two Berkeley hippies, I remember liberalism permeating
my childhood. How could I, now, a young woman, compromise my
position on all the issues that make up my political identity? How
could I get along with and admire someone who symbolizes so much of
what I am against? Moreover, how could I possibly love someone who
voted for George W. Bush?

During the summer, I read an article in George magazine about
famous couples who have drastically different political beliefs,
such as Democrat Kathleen Brown and her NRA-affiliated husband, Van
Gordon Sauter, and the Kennedy family’s Maria Shriver and her
conservative husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  Illustration by ERICA PINTO/Daily Bruin The article gave
various examples of the conflicts these high-profile couples face,
as well as how they deal with them. While the article was
intriguing, I didn’t look to it for advice, thinking such a
relationship was never in my future. As I read it, I hastily
uttered, “Pshaw, like I’d ever really like a Republican
anyway!” and closed the magazine, confident that I should
never fall for an “evil” and “ignorant”
Republican. Republicans weren’t real people anyway, and I
certainly wouldn’t date someone like that.

But then I did meet someone who was exactly who I wouldn’t
ever date, much less have a relationship with. And I liked him. A
lot. I was left with that terrible question that author Michele
Willens posed in her article: Now what? I found myself in a
terrible conflict between the interests of my heart and those of my
head. How would we ever make this work?

Would we just have to remain silent on controversial political
issues to keep the peace, or would we end up hashing it out and
making a scene every time we get to talking about affirmative
action and white privilege? If I visit his parents’ house,
could I manage to choke down my dinner as his family criticizes
President Clinton’s eight successful years in office? Should
I spend my time and energy trying to show him the light and
eventually get him to “convert”? Should we learn to
appreciate our differences, knowing that they add an interesting
dynamic to our relationship?

Surprisingly, our relationship is working. Of course we argue,
and at times we want to kill each other, but there are some
positive aspects to our conflicts. Being with such a person
strengthens my own positions because we serve as sounding boards
(and at times, dart boards) for each other. The reality is, we will
never agree on some things.

Both of us stubbornly refuse to budge on our positions. For
example, while he feels the military is a valuable institution for
the protection it affords our nation, its prestigious reputation
abroad, its technological developments, and its outstanding history
of nondiscriminatory policies that promote diversity, I see the
institution as a trap for the “expendable” people of
our country ““ minorities and the poor. They are lured by a
smoke screen of patriotic propaganda to give their lives for a
country that cares little about them and that will dump them when
their service has expired, either by injury or death.

Who is right? Does it matter? Both of us have our reasons for
thinking the way we do, and one of our opinions is not necessarily
more valid than the others’.

Being with, and liking, a Republican, has been somewhat of an
eye-opener. What I’ve discovered is that although I may
disagree with him, he and Republicans are not necessarily illogical
or evil. For instance, he believes in smaller government because he
doesn’t want Washington to interfere with his daily life.
Even though I see the long term benefits of a larger government
that organizes wide-reaching social programs, I see his view as
reasonable.

I’ve also learned that choosing not to discuss certain
issues or choosing to ignore our differences doesn’t work.
Remaining silent sure doesn’t work for me. I’m a
Viewpoint columnist, and I’m known for being the most
opinionated and outspoken among my family and friends. Arguing and
discussing different opinions is what my life is all about, so who
could be a better boyfriend than someone who will always go to bat
with me on crucial issues?

It’s important to realize that you don’t have to
compromise your opinions with someone you’re dating; you
don’t even have to try to change your partner’s
political stance (although it might be interesting to try). It
would take a lot of arguing to convince Mr. Republican just how
right I am, which would be an exhausting process. Besides,
I’d probably stop liking him as much if he became
conciliatory or started acquiescing to all of my ideas. This way,
he’s an endless challenge to me.

I am beginning to wonder how much my political bias has affected
my choice in guys. This guy makes me come out of my safe little
Democratic box and face my enemy, literally cheek to cheek. He
makes me wonder if I have dismissed other relationship
possibilities due to other biases, and I challenge you to consider
the same.

For example, if you’re an English student, don’t
rule out dating engineering or life science majors. I think
you’ll be surprised just how much you have in common. Maybe
opposites really do attract.

My dad, the Democrat, always says that, “Love is, after
all, where you find it.” I love to argue; alas, I’ve
met my match. I’m sure my dad will understand.