Buyout leaves no doubt USC can’t Hackett’s way forward
By Daily Bruin Staff
Nov. 28, 2000 9:00 p.m.
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USC’s play of the season occurred two days after it ended,
when coach Paul Hackett was axed. Hackett was dropped like a USC
fumble and sacked like a USC quarterback. And now the job is up for
grabs like a Carson Palmer pass.
Athletic Director Mike Garrett told reporters, “We have
failed. Our whole objective now is to improve.”
That’s USC’s policy for everything. Too bad they
haven’t gotten to the second part yet.
Hackett is reportedly being bought out with an estimated
$800,000, or $1 for every penalty yard his team amassed this
year.
He amassed a 19-18 record in his three years at USC and won as
many bowl games as I did ““ and I didn’t even win
one.
Hackett, whose record has regressed every single year, said,
“I’m disappointed we don’t get a chance to
continue this and complete this. I felt things were headed in the
right direction.”
Continue and complete what? The losing tradition? If he
continued in the current direction, USC’s guaranteed to be
winless in a year or two. And exiting the 10 freeway at Hoover
should already tell you you’re going in the wrong
direction.
“All of us have gone through a lot of pain, a lot of
suffering,” Hackett continued. “When we don’t
beat people, it’s painful.”
Hey buddy, getting hit by a train is painful. Falling into a
porcupine pit is painful. USC not winning is just, well,
expected.
So, Hackett lacked it, bottom of the Pac’d it, talked
smack but couldn’t back it, and now he’s gotta pack it.
He’s taking the flak because it’s a fact, when it comes
to coaching, he don’t know jack.
What’s next for our pal Paul? He can be a Drew Carey stunt
double. Maybe write a “How-not-to” book. Or he could
run for governor of Texas, where the standards aren’t too
high.
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
The Bruins learned Monday they’ll be playing in the Sun
Bowl in Texas instead of under the sun in Hawaii. I wonder which
they preferred. Texas is the home of belt buckles and George W.
Bush, while Hawaii is the home of bikinis and Tia Carrere.
UCLA will play Wisconsin in a recount of 1998’s Rose Bowl
when the Badgers won 38-31 behind big Ron Dayne. Wisconsin has
another top-flight tailback in Michael Bennett, so it will be a
chance for UCLA’s defense to either step up or get stepped
on.
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
Speaking of UCLA’s defense, it’s time for a new
feature called “Analysis from Who?” I will ask two
guests a question and bring you their expert analysis.
Today’s query:
“UCLA’s defense has struggled lately. What’s
the deal? What should be done?”
Jason Kapono, UCLA basketball star: “The defense played
extremely tough. But if they need me, I’ll take supplements
because I can help at free safety. I have quickness.”
Melanie, my mom: “Defense? Are you kidding? I don’t
have a clue. But, I scream and cheer for the team because they are
UCLA Bruins and that makes them the best! And being a Bruin mom is
the best.”
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
I guess the Eskimos in hell finally get to come out, because the
Chargers actually won a game on Sunday. They beat Kansas City
17-16, officially making the Chiefs the worst team in the NFL, or
even the AFL or the PBA or Granada Hills Pop Warner.
KC’s quarterback was 44-year old Warren Moon, who began
his NFL career in 1984, or the year the Chargers last won a game.
The Chiefs had an opportunity to go for two after a third-quarter
touchdown, but failed to do so, and it came back to haunt them. It
also raised the question: How did Hackett get his old job with the
Chiefs back so quickly?
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
So over the last two weeks, I’ve made predictions that did
not come true.
First, I said UCLA would beat “˜SC by 73 points, then I
said the Chargers would finish 0-16. Maybe my predictions make the
opposite happen.
So my prediction for today is that I will not meet an attractive
and intelligent girl with a sense of humor this week.
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
The UCLA men’s hoops team gets a chance for redemption
tonight against UCSB.
After playing defense like Matadors last week against CSUN, they
have something to prove tonight. And considering UCLA is known for
basketball, while UCSB is known for its Halloween parties, the
Bruins better win by at least a margin of 20.
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
It’s been a good week for some recent UCLA alumni, and a
bad week for others. Danny Farmer led the Bengals in receiving with
59 yards, Baron Davis had two triple doubles in his last three
games and Kerri Strug actually finished an In-N-Out double-double
““ animal-style.
Cade McNown, however, is falling apart in Chicago. While at
UCLA, he wasn’t popular with his teammates because of his ego
and bad attitude. In Chicago, he’s not popular with the fans,
and now that feeling is spreading.
Cade was recently scheduled to attend a charity event for a
homeless coalition. But he didn’t show and nobody at the
event was informed.
In addition to that, causing a tiff at the Playboy Mansion and
upsetting his own fans, McNown managed to rip UCLA’s current
team on his personal Web site.
“I mean, Bob Toledo, it just ticks me off what he’s
doing there! I can’t get into it ““ it’s pathetic,
I can’t stand it. It’s the worst, something needs to be
done,” he wrote.
Isn’t that like *NSYNC ripping 98 Degrees? After
Cade’s tantrum, nap time and oatmeal cookies settled him
down. And who says “ticks” these days? Is he an NFL
quarterback or “the Beav?”
Two years ago, the Daily Bruin got national attention and a lot
of heat when a headline referred to Cade as “McNone.”
Maybe it wasn’t too far off.
“¢bull; “¢bull; “¢bull;
This week’s USC joke, brought to you by fourth-year
student Jason Miller:
Their academics.
