UCLA loses again to Krispy Kreme,USC finally halts big losing streak

Jeff and the Fresh Prints   Jeff
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Over the weekend, Kate Moss had lunch, Ryan Leaf made a friend,
Jay Leno said something funny, George W. Bush said something
competent, Al Gore blinked, Joe Lieberman had a ham sandwich, A.C.
Green got some, “Charlie’s Angels” was seen for
the plot, UCLA completed construction, Keyshawn Johnson showed
humility, Kathie Lee Gifford gave her workers a raise, Carson Daly
showed some talent, Isaiah Rider was early, Britney Spears was
applauded for her deep and meaningful lyrics, the Chargers were
applauded, Dennis Miller made sense, Steve Lavin got good press, I
picked six correct numbers in the lotto, and the USC Trojans won a
college football game.

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Yes, it’s true. Pick your jaw up from the ground and put
it back in place. The Trojans beat Arizona State 44-38 in double
overtime after nearly giving away the victory. USC was up 35-6 late
in the third quarter, when they began to play like the Washington
Generals. They let the Sun Devils drive the field faster than the
line at Panda Express. I assume they looked at the scoreboard and
were so shocked they didn’t know what to do or how to act.
And any sports fan knows it ain’t easy holding a 29-point
lead with under 16 minutes left. So my hat’s off to the
Trojans. I just hope they don’t fumble it away.

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The Bruins won another hard-fought, entertaining battle against
Stanford, with superstars Freddie Mitchell and DeShaun Foster
leading the way. Again, a UCLA game went down to the wire because
when the Bruins play, the fat lady is locked up and the Jello never
jiggles.

And again, Krispy Kreme won the promotion war against UCLA
students, as Stanford scored first in the game. I’m a North
Campus major, but I still figured out that the odds of UCLA not
scoring first is one in 512, or the likelihood of not finding those
tight black pants in a sorority girl’s closet. But give the
Bruins credit, they have at least tied the score in each game,
making more comebacks than Kenny from “South Park.”

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I think it’s funny, especially while sitting down the row
from columnist T.J. Simers, that I see the Rose Bowl scoreboard
flash a note thanking the Los Angeles Times for its support of the
Bruins. That’s like thanking Howard Stern for his support of
the feminist movement or Gloria Steinem for her backing of Swank
Magazine.

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Interactivity Alert! Since the ‘SC football game is coming
up, please send me funny or witty acronyms for USC. The obvious
ones are U. of Spoiled Children and U. of Second Choice, so
don’t send those. Include your name and year so I can print
them for the world to see.

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This week’s USC joke, sent in by UCLA graduate John
Vasquez:

What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a USC football
player?

Six more weeks of bad football.