“˜Talking Dirty’ provides clean, practical advice
By Daily Bruin Staff
Oct. 25, 2000 9:00 p.m.
BOOK INFORMATION
Title: Talking Dirt With the Queen of
Clean
Author: Linda Cobb
Publisher: Pocket Books
Price: $8.99 Pages: 162
Rating: 5
By Michael Rosen-Molina
Daily Bruin Senior Staff
Chances are you’ve never wondered how to get gum out of
your upholstery or free your microwave of those odd, lingering
odors. Of course not; you’re a college student. Peculiar
smells and foreign substances embedded in rugs are sacred college
traditions, and living with them is a hallowed rite of passage.
To Linda Cobb, the self-professed “Queen of Clean,”
however, such inconveniences are not to be put up with, and
that’s why she has come out with the new housekeeping book,
“Talking Dirty With the Queen of Clean.”
And no, it has nothing to do with actual dirty talk either.
Cobb is all about business in her book; in fact, she never
strays from a professional demeanor. Instead of offering the folksy
witticisms and down-home anecdotes that are part of the better
housekeeping/home improvement advice genre, Cobb dives right into
the dirt.
Each chapter is divided into several different subchapters with
names like “Chalk on Carpet,” “Colored Chalk on
Carpet,” “Silly Putty in Carpet,” and, of course,
“Cleaning Artificial Flowers.” This is information that
no college student should be without.
Cobb doesn’t mince words; without any sort of introduction
or friendly banter, the book almost feels cold and clinical.
Cobb’s writing fails to capture the same matronly charm
exuded by her picture on the cover. She might be warm and fuzzy
when compared to aloof housekeeping professionals like Martha
Stewart, but that doesn’t come across in her writing. While
Stewart always looks disdainful, Cobb manages to look happy and her
image radiates an almost grandmotherly mystique.
With broom and scrubbing brush at the ready in her cover photo,
Cobb looks like someone unafraid to get their hands dirty. She
seems eager to leap into the fray and get started on those nasty
grass stains. At the same time, she seems equally at home baking
cookies for a gaggle of adorable grandchildren.
While Cobb’s writing style might not be particularly
reader-friendly, her advice certainly is. She covers all the bases
of cleanliness, addressing hygiene problems that few people
probably even knew existed.
She lists different approaches for getting red wine, nail
polish, mud, coffee, tea, and even Kool-Aid off carpets. She cites
a recipe for “Hide Food,” a miraculous vinegar and
linseed oil-based substance that can magically remove any and all
stains.
Readers learn, however, that Crayon marks require a totally
different cleansing attack than do marker stains, and that salt
stains need something else entirely.
Other sections of the book deal with non-cleaning-related
household problems. Cobb additionally explains how to water hanging
plants without spilling or injuring oneself. And what do you do
when those little plastic things fall off of your shoelaces? Well,
says Cobb, the answer is simple: you just twist them back on.
On the more serious side, Cobb even speaks about how to recover
from a home disaster. Before even touching on restoration tips, she
first insists on going through the steps of insurance claim
policy.
It’s comforting to know that “Talking Dirty With the
Queen of Clean” isn’t filled with light and fluffy
information snippets about dust bunnies, but that Cobb also looks
at more serious issues regarding home safety and security.
One of the disturbing things about home improvement gurus,
however, is their often absolute, unquestioning devotion to their
craft.
Too many seem to be convinced that their own work, as
inconsequential as it may seem to the rest of the world, is the
most worthy calling known to man, a veritable mission from God. How
else can any rational person explain such bizarre phenomena as the
myriad late-night shows dedicated entirely to promoting cleaning
products as the answer to all of life’s woes?
Cobb does not suffer from such grandiose delusions, and as a
result, her book is practical and down to earth. She seems aware
that she is only offering practical advice, which while useful, is
not world-changing.
“Talking Dirty With the Queen of Clean” might not be
the most interesting read, as the title may suggest, but it is
certainly among the most informative.
