Middle-of-the-road politics may be more appealing than you know
By Daily Bruin Staff
Aug. 27, 2000 9:00 p.m.
You’ve watched the balloons drop, heard the recycled
speeches and been subjected to endless bombardment by
golden-tongued pundits. You’ve been blinded by the glitter,
glitz and glamour of American mass-politics. You’ve seen the
Democrats and you’ve seen the Republicans.
And now it’s time to take a look at political parties even
weirder than the two big ones. One glimpse at these gems and those
middle-of-the-road parties don’t look so bad.
The first organization you should consider if you’re
looking for a time-tested fringe group is the Communist Party
U.S.A. (www.hartford-hwp.com/cp-usa/) The CPUSA is pretty run of
the mill-as far as Communists go. They promise a “militant
fight for the needs of the working class,” and propose
eliminating all taxes on people earning less than $60,000 a
year.
The CPUSA tax cuts are especially interesting when you consider
that Republicans today seem to want to eliminate taxes on people
earning more than $60,000 a year.
Now, maybe this is just me, but I start to worry when people
start using adjectives like “˜militant’ ““
especially when it comes to subjects like tax reform. Seriously,
militant tax reform? Who does the CPUSA think they are kidding?
And has the CPUSA considered other policy questions? How about
belligerent drug policy? Or radical education for second grade
students across the nation?
Just how housebroken are the CPUSA compared to other parties out
there? Pretty tame. The Southern Party (www.southernparty.org)
wants to do more than just reform the tax code. Rejecting the
Democrats as “the party of socialism” and the
Republicans as “representing globalist corporations,”
their solution to America’s problems is time honored in the
South. Yes, that’s right, the Southern Party is the only
national secessionist party.
These “decent, God-fearing Southerners” call for the
original Confederate States of America plus Maryland, Oklahoma and
West Virginia to secede from the USA but, unlike their more famous
secessionist ancestors, condemn “an attitude of racial malice
toward people of non-European origin.” And while that may be
true, I tend not to trust people that proudly tout a
“National Flag of Dixie.” Perhaps I’m judging too
quickly. Perhaps not.
The Southern Party does have a point ““ the U.S. has a lot
of problems; I just don’t think that secession will solve
them. But if you do, now you know who to support.
Vibrant, charismatic leaders are also indispensable for
political success. Tom Wells is what you’d call lively.
He’s the founder of The Family Values Party
(http://members.aol.com/fvparty/fvparty1) which is nothing less
than an extraordinarily right-wing clan led by a man who believes
that the strange ball of light that came into his bedroom at 2 a.m.
on December 25, 1992 was God. Tom’s Jewish which makes the
Christmas morning appearance kind of interesting. Bottom line is
that the glowing ball said this to Tom. “Tom ““ tell my
people that they are to tell their public officials that they are
prepared not to pay their taxes until abortion is no longer
publicly
funded.”
Apparently the glowing ball said nothing about promoting world
peace, the brotherhood of man, or ending world hunger, which makes
me wonder about how divine Tom’s glowing ball actually
was.
Personally, I tend to worry whenever a political campaign
focuses most intensely on things it won’t do, rather than on
things it will do, though that’s probably the least of
Tom’s worries.
Members of the next party might see glowing objects in the
middle of the night, but the cause would likely be chemical rather
than plain lunacy like in Tom Wells’ case. The Light Party
(www.lightparty.com) has a multipoint plan for saving the country,
the world, your inner-being, your soul and your dog’s
inner-being. They take a very spiritual approach to politics and
use words like “˜synergy,’ and
“˜wholistic.’
In their own words, “The Light Party is a synthesis of the
Republican, Democratic, Libertarian and Green Parties, a proactive,
wholistic, educational, empowerment party.”
Oh.
The Light Party’s most interesting policy suggestion is to
enable national referendum and initiative to be commenced by any
citizen with a policy suggestion. Personally, I think that’s
a great idea. After all, policy gets made so quickly today I can
barely keep up, and a national referendum would be a terrific way
to completely gridlock government the way it ought to be done.
The Light Party seems like a lot of fun; they have a weird
techno lightshow on their Web site and upon joining The Light Party
you receive “An Artainment Music Video designed to
“˜Inspire, Delight, Heal & Enlighten’ plus A Magical
Musical Gift For You.”
No really, they are a political party.
No description of extremist political parties is complete
without at least some representation from the right. The American
Heritage Party (www.americanheritageparty.org) is a Christian
right-wing organization.
They simultaneously claim that unalienable rights may be derived
only from God and that gun control is despicable because it
violates the unimpeachable Second Amendment. Apparently consistency
is not one of the AHP’s goals.
They also “call for an end to the bestowing of U.S.
citizenship on children born to illegal aliens in this
country,” not to mention excluding persons with
“immoral life-styles, or beliefs hostile to our form of
government” from immigrating to the United States. Huh. They
sound like lovely people, don’t they?
The AHP opposes all forms of government welfare. They
“support Christian charity and family free-enterprise as the
best means of reducing and preventing poverty.”
Now THAT is policy! Forget reforming welfare, lets just abandon
that whole paperwork mess completely ““ not to mention
abandoning a couple million kids.
Try to imagine any of these parties actually making policy in
Washington, or, in the Southern Party’s case, Atlanta or New
Orleans. The Light Party would be out teaching the homeless about
synergy and requiring postal workers to distribute magical musical
gifts. Tom Wells would institute legislation requiring chastity
belts until marriage. And the American Heritage Party would have
those mailmen out converting a nation of heathens.
There’s no doubt the benign standby parties are lacking
more than just a little. They lack the ability to innovate and that
hurts the country. Still, creativity is not always a good thing,
and we should remember that. If you ask me, the middle of the road
never looked so good.
