Psychology professor breaks “˜boy code’ with lecture

By J. Sharon Yee

Daily Bruin Senior Staff

The room was in Dickson Hall, the speaker was a professor, but
the audience members weren’t solely students ““ many
parents and educators came Thursday night to listen to Dr. William
Pollack speak about what he considers “a national crisis of
boyhood in America.”

“Boys today are in serious trouble, including those who
seem to be normal,” said Pollack, an assistant clinical
professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “The worst
thing we do is to leave them alone when they tell us to leave them
alone.”

Addressing the reasons why boys do not perform as well as girls
in academics, the emotional needs of boys, and how raising boys is
different from girls, Pollack spoke about his research as
documented in his most recent book, “Real Boys: Rescuing Our
Sons from the Myths of Boyhood.”

Pollack, who is also the co-director of the Center for Men at
McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School, gathered much of his
research for the book by interviewing 200 “normal” boys
between ages 12 and 18. Most came from white, middle-class families
in the Northeast.

He began his talk by noting some statistics regarding the
academic performance of boys, arguing how much “boys are
being failed by schools.”

According to Pollack, boys outnumber girls two to one in the
lowest quartile of math and reading assessments, are four times
more likely to be arrested for alcohol and drug possession, and
between age 5-19, boys are four to six times more likely to commit
suicide.

Additionally, boys are less likely to engage in extracurricular
activities, less likely to attend college, and twice as likely to
be diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and
placed on medication than girls, Pollack said.

Pollack gave some reasons for these statistics.

“We’re still bringing up boys according to the
“˜boy code,’ telling boys to stand on their own two
feet, not to cry or show sad emotions, and not to be
vulnerable,” he said.

Pollack defined the “boy code” as a set of ideas
that argues boys must be tough, stoic, not dependent on others, and
inexpressive people who are not allowed to share their pain.

“We tend to treat boy and girl infants differently based
on gender, talking to girls more often and longer about their
feelings, but we don’t do this because we’re bad
people,” he said. “We do it unwittingly, believing if
we don’t harden boys, they won’t be able to be
“˜real’ boys.”

Ava de la Sota, demonstration teacher and health education
specialist at Seeds University Elementary School, said the boy code
could lead to unbalanced development.

“The boy code is a narrow part of what it means to be a
boy and it leaves boys feeling confused because of the mixed
messages we send to them about having to be masculine and sensitive
at the same time,” she said.

De la Sota discussed how the “boy code” can be an
ineffective contributor to an unsafe school environment, where
children do not feel comfortable to be themselves.

“When a boy is effeminate or not particularly athletic,
this is can cause negativity on the school yard, where kids are
putting down or teasing one another, and at UES, this is not
tolerated at all,” de la Sota said, noting the “Safe
School” policies the school has that promote diversity and
tolerance of differences.

Pollack also spoke about the myths of boyhood, such as saying
that boys will be boys.

“There is no scientific proof that boys are biologically
more inclined to be more violent than girls,” he said,
debunking the idea that testosterone causes males to be more
aggressive and therefore more violent.

A similar myth is that boys should be boys, an idea Pollack
calls a “gender straightjacket” because it promotes a
tough, macho, football helmet-wearing ideal of boys.

Pollack said if boys are unable to meet this ideal, they tend to
put on a mask of masculinity, where behind the bravado is sadness
and loneliness, and the only emotion they’re allowed to show
is anger.

UES Director Deborah Stipek said it was important for Pollack to
share his insights and research with parents and teachers to help
them understand how to better teach and react to children.

“It’s important to address stereotypes of all kinds
because it helps us continue to challenge ourselves in creating a
psychologically safe environment for our students,” she
said.

Stipek noted the relevance of Pollack’s research to
UES’ “Safe School” policies, which facilitate an
environment where students feel comfortable with being who they are
and do not feel disparaged by others, dispelling stereotypes of
boys and masculinity.

Addressing solutions to help curb school violence as evidenced
in recent schoolyard shootings, Pollack said gun detectors and
zero-tolerance polices are the worst ways of addressing the
problem.

“Those solutions give boys the message they’re
dangerous and that we have to watch out for them,” he
said.

“Boys who are bullies are some of the most depressed kids
in the classroom,” he said. “We need to help them to
get talk about their pain.”

Pollack suggested one way of connecting to boys is through their
actions. For example, parents could talk to them while engaging in
a physical activity such as a game or playing with toys.

De la Sota shared her praise of Pollack and his research.

“I left exhilarated because I’m always looking for
new ways of looking at things,” she said. “He gave
teachers real food for thought about how we think about and talk to
boys.”