Study strives to help couples maintain wedded bliss

Monday, February 22, 1999

Study strives to help couples maintain wedded bliss

PSYCHOLOGY: Newlywed Project designed to curb marital
relationship woes

By Angela Sveda

Daily Bruin Contributor

People enroll in driving lessons to learn how to drive, and now
couples are enrolling in marriage lessons to learn how to be
married.

Couples gathered at UCLA Saturday to participate in the Newlywed
Project, a study designed to understand and determine what leads to
marital discord in order to develop effective prevention
programs.

"Our relationships with other people play a major role in the
quality of our life," said Thomas Bradbury, the doctor heading the
project. "More than half of all first marriages will end in divorce
or permanent separation."

The study recruits married couples of six months or less, or
engaged couples to be married within a year.

Currently, the project is focusing on two related studies.

The first collects data from newlyweds through questionnaires,
interviews, and direct observation in the laboratory.

The second is based on research gathered by laboratories
throughout the United States and abroad to determine how best to
prevent marital dissatisfaction and divorce from arising.

"I think it is especially important to work with couples early,
when they are motivated to maintain the strong positive features of
their relationship," Bradbury said.

The three couples who participated in the study Saturday took
the first step to maintaining "strong, positive features."

After a presentation by Matt Johnson, doctoral candidate in
clinical psychology, the three couples divided into separate rooms
with a coach to participate in a non-conflicting conversation
pertaining to topics such as movies or what one would do with
$800.

"The coaches don’t focus on content; rather, on style and
skills," Johnson said.

While in the rooms, couples practiced paraphrasing what their
partner said.

"When couples have conflicts, they jump much too soon into
problem solving," Johnson said. The paraphrasing exercise lets the
other person know you are listening and understanding the problem,
he added.

Couples said they decided to participate in the program as a
preventative measure.

"People have to go to lessons to drive. Why not take the steps
in marriage?" said Diane Kalland, one of the participants in the
study.

Kalland, 38, has been engaged to her fiance, Randy Watts, 39,
for nine months.

While commenting on how couples might be wary of participating
in such programs, project coach Amita Shenoy said, "It’s almost a
stigma – it’s not therapy."

Unlike therapy, which focuses on solving a problem, this project
advocates prevention while focusing on the development of
communication skills.

"If you give a man a fish he’ll eat for a day. If you teach him
to fish, he’ll eat for a lifetime," said Erika Lawrence, doctoral
candidate in clinical psychology.

Lawrence said that couples need to learn "to manage conflict
before it becomes huge."

When it comes to isolating what factors determine a lasting
marriage as opposed to a divorce, Bradbury said. "Personality
factors are not unimportant, but what appears most important is
what actually transpires between the partners – how they talk to
each other, listen to each other, relate to each other."

Recent studies show 35 percent to 55 percent of all newlywed
couples engage in some form of physical aggression.

Danger signs to watch for in a relationship include escalation
of small problems into larger ones, invalidation or displaying
contempt, making assumptions, and avoidance and withdrawal.

Bradbury had some advice for newlyweds who were experiencing
difficulties in their relationship.

"I would tell them to treat each other with respect, to think
every day about the good and desirable characteristics of their
partner," he said.

Couples interested in participating in the non-profit study can
contact the project phone number at (310) 206-6049.

(Left to right) Diane Kalland, 38, Randy Watts, 39, Patricia
Strashensky and Richard Beaudoin, both 28, listen to counselor
Amita Shenoy.

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