Forget overtime shoot-outs ­ we just care about game winners

Monday, November 2, 1998

Forget overtime shoot-outs ­ we just care about game
winners

COLUMN: Various sports use different schemes; some work, some
don’t

UCLA men’s soccer had one of the biggest games in school history
against Indiana yesterday. After a triple-overtime victory last
year in the play-offs, this one was circled when the scheduling was
done.

So I thought it would be fitting if I wrote about soccer.

I wanted to write something new, maybe about how the D.C. United
would be playing for the title of best club team in the western
hemisphere or about the Chicago Fire winning the Major League
Soccer title.

But no, this would have to be different.

Since I was running over deadline, I realized what my goal would
be: overtime, sudden death, extra innings, shoot-outs, etc.

First off, you have soccer. Great sport, crappy overtime. MLS
thought they would make it cool by having a shoot-out where the
player got to dribble in and get off a shot in five seconds. It’s
cool in the regular season, but not in postseason. A team such as
the L.A. Galaxy should not be knocked out of the playoffs because
of shoot-outs.

Instead, they should make it like football, where the first team
to score wins (obviously I would never win). No shoot-outs! You
don’t see John Carney and Morten Anderson kicking 30-yard field
goals till someone misses.

(Actually, you might if it’s a Chargers game.)

NFL football has a pretty good scheme, but it’s not fair.

NCAA football has found a nice way to make overtime fair and
exciting.

Give a team a ball on the 20-yard line and see if they score.
Now let the other team try. This makes overtime more exciting than
the Redskins finally winning a game.

But even that’s not perfect. The perfection of overtime sports
is extra innings in baseball. What else could be better? You can’t
hold back in baseball. There is no guarantee that there will be a
next inning. You better score now, or the other team can score in
their half of the inning.

Both teams get a crack at scoring before the game can end. If
the Padres score eight runs in the top of the 13th, then the home
team can have a crack at it in the bottom of the inning.

Speaking of crack, basketball has a good idea, with its five
minutes of overtime. Unfortunately, only four points are scored as
the players run up and down the court looking like they are on
Prozac.

Five minutes to win. That’s all it takes, but unfortunately by
then the players are too dead to make a lay-up.

Golf isn’t so bad. You get a playoff hole where winner takes
all, but it depends on what hole you’re playing. If you are Happy
Gilmore and can knock the snot out of the ball, then you want to
play on a par-5, but if you are good at the short game, then the
sudden death favors you as most sudden death holes are par-3’s.

Last and definitely one of the least is hockey. They have the
soccer syndrome during the regular season. This means that there is
one overtime, and if no one scores the game ends tied.

What the hell is that? You’re going to tell me that I am going
to play a game and there will be no winner?

Obviously, that’s not an American sport, because we need
winners.

I want to look in the paper and see who won the game, not who
tied. Lie to me then. Let the players flip a puck, and if heads
come up then home team wins. I want a winner. Ties are as exciting
as winning the lotto and getting a penny.

So there it is.

I am past deadline and the soccer game starts in two hours. If
it goes into overtime like the last playoff game did, then hearts
will be pounding and sweat will be pouring. But because of the tie,
the Indiana-UCLA game of last year will be a memory.

So I say get rid of all ties and pick a winner because ties are
for losers.

A wise man once told me,(OK, I made it up), "Life is one big
sudden death. If you don’t play your cards right, you might end up
the loser."

Salmon wanted to lay off the serious material for a bit. Email
your thoughts on overtime to him at [email protected].

Comments, feedback, problems?

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