Man on a mission

Wednesday, October 21, 1998

Man on a mission

MEN: Brett Wheeler, the Men’s Coordinator at the Women’s
Resource Center, tries to use his position to challenge traditional
gender roles.

By Chauntelle Anne Tibbals

Daily Bruin Contributor

When Brett Wheeler was younger, women would often confide in
him. His imperfect listening skills and undeveloped ability to
sympathize, however, prevented him from effectively dealing with
the violence they experienced.

"(Women) just trusted me, so they would disclose these terrible
things that had happened to them," Wheeler said.

"I hated hearing about this stuff, and I had no skills to help
them."

Wheeler eventually went to UC Irvine’s Women’s Resource Center
as an undergraduate to learn more about violence against women. He
began volunteering his time to a local rape-crisis and preventative
education center.

In April, Wheeler became the Men’s Education Outreach (MEO)
coordinator at UCLA’s Women’s Resource Center.

The MEO program attempts to provide an arena for men to learn
about violence against women and how it affects both genders.

"Traditionally, men are only permitted two emotions: anger and
happiness. We are never taught to be sensitive or allowed to be
sad," Wheeler said.

"I get so many Å’How do I help my girlfriend or sister or
mother?’ questions from men. This expected sensitivity is rather
contradictory to (society’s) traditional gender roles," he
said.

The MEO helps men learn about the abuse of women by offering
leadership positions in groups that address this issue.

Also, by addressing violence and sexual abuse issues that happen
to men, the MEO is trying a different, preventative approach to the
problem of violence against women.

"It has been shown statistically that men who violate women have
been violated at one time themselves," said Robin McDonald, UCLA’s
Sexual Violence Prevention and Education coordinator.

"Just because men are socialized to not talk about violent or
victimizing experiences in their past does not mean they do not
happen," McDonald said.

Wheeler expressed similar sentiments, using his volunteer work
in prisons as evidence.

"One of the only places I can talk about Å’men as survivors’
without people laughing at me is in prisons," Wheeler said.

Some boys are victims of violence, and others grow up witnessing
violence against family members.

"We raise our sons to be masculine and protective. Boys growing
up in domestic violence homes may then feel guilty about being
unable to protect their (family members)," McDonald said.

"Contradictory emotions and unresolved issues are put upon men.
They are not supposed to feel guilty, and they fell short of
society’s expectations (of masculinity)," she said.

One of the MEO’s goals is to give men an opportunity to talk
about such issues and potentially resolve them.

According to the women’s center, social expectations of
masculinity also contribute to men’s acts of violence toward many
different groups of people. One example given was that of the
recent murder of university student Matthew Shepard.

Violent attacks on homosexual men sometimes result when a man
feels his "masculinity" is being threatened, said WRC
officials.

"Homophobia and heterosexism in men is largely due to the fact
that (many heterosexual) men are horrified by the thought of
(another man) thinking about them the way they think about women,"
Wheeler said.

Violent tendencies in men can also be vented on other men, such
as fighting in social situations.

"There are many similarities between a woman’s physical
awareness of rape and a man’s awareness of a possible attack (in
the form of a fight)," McDonald said.

Societal gender expectations demand masculine behavior, making
it difficult for a man to avoid a fight when confronted, despite
the situation, according to the WRC.

"Almost every guy I know has been in a fight he knows he has no
chance of winning because the sanctions of not fighting are so much
greater (than the risk of losing)," Wheeler said.

Unresolved issues, such as past experiences of violence,
emotional trauma or society’s notion of masculinity, can be
expressed by men as anger. This anger can lead to violence against
one who represents the unresolved issue.

"If it’s all right to beat up one person for who they are, then
it must be all right to beat up anyone," Wheeler said, in an
attempt to illustrate how broad the issue of violence is.

The WRC’s Men’s Education Outreach Program, however, is designed
to break through socialized gender roles while helping men and
women deal with the genderless issue of violence.

For more information about the Men’s Education Outreach Program,
please contact the Women’s Resource Center at 206-8240.Photos by
DANIELA DECCA

Men’s education outreach coordinator and counselor Brett Wheeler
hangs up personally decorated T-shirts for the UCLA Clothesline
Project to raise awareness about domestic violence issues.

Brett Wheeler is the new men’s counselor at the Women’s Resource
Center. He hopes to help men deal with domestic violence
issues.

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