Females control love’s crusade to a science

Monday, October 19, 1998

Females control love’s crusade to a science

ATTRACTION: Men, take note: in game of courtship women hold the
cards, select you for your great genes, keen sense of fashion

Have you ever found yourself singing the theme song to ‘The Love
Boat’ while you’re in the shower? Well, if you have, then you’re
probably falling in love. Besides, who would ever sing the theme to
‘The Love Boat’ in the shower unless they’re under the influence of
some unforeseen force strong enough to overpower them?

Love is the Holy Grail of relationships ­ millions try, but
most know not where to find it. Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Hey, maybe
he’ll tell us the secrets to love and happiness.’ Sorry, I’m not
going to do it, and I know you’re thinking, ‘Well he really doesn’t
know then, does he?’

Well, you’ll never know. Besides, I don’t think that anyone
really knows; people just make things up as they go along.

But I will explore the finer points of attraction. Attraction
leads to love. And, remember that the beginning of a relationship
is the hardest part (OK, so maybe it’s not, but for the sake of
this column it is). Game playing is a part of love, and in most
cases it is a game of hide-and-seek because a lot of romance
doesn’t work out. But when you do romance right, love becomes a
game of seek-and-seek, and it’s not much of a game anymore. (Thank
goodness.)

I know I’m getting myself into trouble, but in the early
goings-on, people play games. No, not just women ­ both men
and women, each in their own way. In fact, evolutionary
psychologists have said (in the true Darwinian form) that females
are far more particular about the mates they select because they
must meticulously invest their limited number of gametes.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go on and on about the nature of
pheromonal reactions in the male-female, co-operational
construction of emotion in developing a mutually enriching ethos. I
know most of you don’t want to hear scientific rhetoric. Instead,
perhaps you’d prefer fairy tale romance, or perhaps you are bitter
about a relationship you’re still trying to get over. Imagine
conversations that people have had together about this very
subject. They’ve seen a movie, and they go back and forth: ‘So how
did the (love) story end? Happy or sad?’

‘Happy.’

‘Oh, so it wasn’t true to life?’

Really? Kind of depressing, don’t you think?

Perhaps they didn’t know how to choose their mate; but science
is here to the rescue (surprise, surprise). We’ll see what science
has cooked up, but remember I have no professional experience in
psychology; I just watch and write ­ nothing more, nothing
less.

But I have chosen to rely on one source of information: ‘How
Females Choose Their Mates,’ found in the April 1998 issue of
Scientific American. Of course they studied attraction in animals,
so I’m going to have to serve as the translator.

The scientists in the article found that females were more
likely to show interest in a male if his red nuptial coloring was
brighter than the previous males she looked at. So, guys get out a
piece of a paper and write down: ‘Invest in a good red nuptial
covering.’

And who doesn’t need a good nuptial covering? After all, clothes
make the man, right? Good nuptial covering goes on sale every few
months. Without romance, the clothing industry would go broke.
Actually, the clothing industry would have to be subsidized by the
government like our agricultural system. Imagine if the government
had one warehouse to store the grain they keep out of circulation
to keep prices up, and another warehouse next to it filled with
khakis and Calvin Klein. Then you’d have something to protest.

The way you dress counts. I’m not saying that when you sit on a
couch that clashes with your outfit that you should suddenly jump
up in horror. I’m just saying that clothes matter.

But here’s the best one of all: male green tree frogs that call
the loudest most frequently attract the females. This is one of the
characteristics of attraction that may be limited to the animal
kingdom.

In the human world, what is calling loud and frequently?
Stalking.

Still, there’s more: ‘In some cases, females may favor mating
with a male that is loud or brightly colored because he is easy to
locate.’ Is that right? So, are women attracted to men who are easy
to keep track of? If so, are people enticed into buying a yellow
car because it’s easy to keep track of? I hope not.

But in the end, ‘mating’ comes down to genes. And yes, our
friends over at Scientific American found that females seem to
choose the male with the best genes. Don’t worry I’m not going to
make any jeans jokes, because if I go that far I may just as well
start making puns and that might get a little ugly.

But back to the science: the researchers showed that the female
grouse mated preferentially with the male that appeared to have
other females in his territory. The basic translation here is that
the Alpha Male gets the women. That’s just the way it works.

Attraction is all a matter of economics. Men don’t want to date
a cheap woman, and women don’t want to date just anyone, so
basically it’s all a matter of supply and demand.

People are looking for someone who is low in supply and high in
demand. So if you were to draw that out, then you get someone who
is high priced, and therefore would be a good investment. Some
women prefer to take the conservative route and buy mutual funds,
others choose to go with something risky, like trading currency.
But in the end, dating is all economics.

Scientific American’s presentation of the whole Alpha Male issue
takes things a step further, saying: ‘We determined that young
females are more likely to copy the mate choice of older, more
experienced females than vice versa.’ Apparently, women follow the
basic trends of the marketplace when trying to find the best
mate.

But in the end, even the scientists at Scientific American get a
little gun shy, because one of their final points is: ‘Of course,
evolutionary theory will never be able explain fully singles bars,
personal ads or cyber-romance.’ That’s giving up too easily.

‘We’ can explain thermal dynamics, develop telecommunications
technology so we can send information all over the world at the
speed of light, but we’re still have a tough time understanding
attraction and romance.

So if science really can’t figure love out, then is space really
the final frontier as Star Trek points out, or is romance the final
voyage?

Well, the space program only sends a few dozen people into space
each year, but there are millions of people who date every single
night. For those of you who are into this whole democracy thing,
maybe romance is the route.

Nevertheless, love will always be in style, but I would suppose
that if the time ever came when people stopped listening to oldies
stations and forgot the classic love songs, only then would love
become outdated.

But I think that love will always be an attractive idea. Love
will always be around ­ who knows, maybe even McDonald’s may
try to Super Size it.

After all, who doesn’t want to fall in love anyway?

Spencer Hill

Hill is a fourth-year communication studies student. E-mail
comments to [email protected].

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