European vision of America not pretty

Monday, October 12, 1998

European vision of America not pretty

ATTITUDES: Other countries see U.S. as land of easy schooling,
bumbling obesity, pop culture

Three days after my last final in June, while you were rubbing
suntan lotion on your friend’s back, I was permanently damaging
mine under the weight of a traveler’s backpack while cavorting
around Europe. Now, 12 countries and 29 cities later, one of the
most memorable aspects of my Euro-adventure was my own reputation,
or the reputation of my country, your country ­ the good ol’
U. S. of A.

Many of us trust that the American legacy will take us where we
need to go. We’re proud to be Americans: patriotic, nationalistic
and smug. And perhaps we have reason to be. This is a pretty cool
place, despite our history of slavery, discrimination, ignorance,
racism, poverty, corruption, homelessness and injustice. Still, we
are fortunate to be alive and well. Most of us have at least Top
Ramen on the table and a crappy Westwood roof over our heads. We
relish in our economic boom as Russia collapses, we thank our lucky
stars that terrorists attack us on foreign soil, we devour our
entertainment industry as American pop culture infiltrates other
indigenous life. Things are going smoothly, as far as we’re
concerned. But what do the other 4.5 billion earthlings think?
According to Europeans, it ain’t pretty.

As someone who likes to pretend she’s an aware and semi-educated
individual, I was shocked to hear the comments Europeans made about
Americans. In every city, through conversations, intellectual
debates and even eavesdropping, I heard our collective name
mentioned too many times. Americans were a common topic. And quite
a sour one.

I knew I was in trouble when my new Canadian acquaintance
confronted me after I had been in Europe for all of 36 hours. We
were sitting in a Parisian sidewalk cafe enjoying a $6 cup of
café au lait, and my new traveling buddy, Monika, straightened
up in her chair and looked me in the eye.

‘Tell me the truth, Stephanie … Do Americans really think
they’re going to take over the world?’

I was stunned. ‘Um, isn’t Canada like totally almost the same
thing as America?’ What followed was a healthy repartee about our
countries, our culture, our influence. It was the first of
many.

Almost six weeks later, as I was standing in line at the Fringe
Festival box office in Edinburgh, Scotland, three twentysomethings
in front of me unabashedly expressed their love for our country.
‘Americans think they rule the world. That’s how stupid they are.’
(Of course they had no idea that we, the very rulers to whom they
referred, were sitting atop our thrones eight inches behind
them.)

Coincidence? Hardly. The American reputation is not what
politicians would like us to believe or what patriotic movies
portray. In fact, while we pat ourselves on the back for being the
supreme world power, an Edinburgh street performer lumps our
country into the same category as Germany, comparing our blunders
with their notorious historical mistakes. The crowd goes wild.
Embarrassed, I hide behind a Frenchman, feeling like a coward, and
hence, a ‘typical American,’ as one stranger blurted out in
Salzburg, Austria.

And what’s life like for a ‘typical American,’ anyway? For one
thing, ‘The schools suck.’ At least that’s what Anne-Marie told me,
a 17-year-old Luxembourgese flunkie who thinks she runs the
Luxembourg night life. We were sitting in Scott’s Pub in Luxembourg
City, Luxembourg (Did I mention we were in Luxembourg?), when
Anne-Marie said that after she failed out of the local high school
her friends advised her to go to America, where she would excel
because the schools are so easy.

This theme arose once again when I visited Torsten, a friend’s
former exchange student, in Cologne, Germany. Torsten, a
well-meaning man who smokes more pot than anyone I know, gave me
the lowdown on American education after a few beers on die langste
theke der welt, ‘the longest bar in the world,’ (which is not
really one long bar but a huge strip of bars). After insisting that
American students have no respect for their teachers, he praised
our high standards and challenging curriculum with ‘School was so
easy that I went to class after taking hashish, and I could still
answer questions.’ You mean you can’t do that in German
schools?

OK, so we’re not so hot when it comes to hitting the books, but
cut us some slack. Brains aren’t everything. What about looks? With
Hollywood in our backyard, we have the most beautiful population
around. We’re hip, we’re glam, we’re easy to spot from a mile away.
How do Europeans know when an American has come to town? Besides
our ever-present ‘baseball caps,’ Frans, from Haarlem, Holland
devised a clever trick. For a non-native English speaker such as
he, it is difficult to distinguish between American English and
British English ­ all English sounds the same. So, he told me,
when he hears English he looks at ‘how fat the people are. If
they’re fat, they’re American. If not, they’re English.’

Sian from Luxembourg uses a similar technique: she identifies
Americans by their ‘fat bellies, like golfers.’

Doesn’t that seem a bit harsh? Only half of the adult population
is officially overweight.

Well, we’ve always got our culture to fall back upon, right? We
might be a young country, but we have a good 200 years of
fan-zines, Internet pornography and television! Hey, that’s at
least 105 million minutes worth of culture! Not too shabby!

Fortunately, Europeans have acknowledged our cultural
contributions. ‘From the country that has brought you McDonald’s,
Jerry Springer and racial harmony … ‘ read one ad for an American
performance troupe at the Edinburgh arts festival. (I don’t think I
visited one city without vomiting at the sight of the golden
arches. And that was before I ate the bloody cow-burgers.)

See? We have stuff to be proud of. We have ‘Baywatch, with the
big boobs,’ as an Italian told me on the train to Venice. And our
originality: ‘Everyone here is named Bob and Linda,’ said Andy from
Warwick, England, while visiting me here last month. And don’t
forget our sophisticated language: ‘Americans always use words like
Å’cute’ and Å’cool’ to describe everything,’ a companion
noted. A British boy scooping homemade ice cream in York quoted us
as the people who think everything ‘sucks.’

Our reputation does suck. How much of it stems from stereotype
and how much from truth? And don’t stereotypes themselves evolve
from some grain of truth? Am I even telling the truth? Sadly, yes.
For two months I copied down these comments verbatim with the
intent of making you more aware of how many Europeans perceive
us.

So now what? Do we boycott fast food? Move to Europe? Issue a
massive apology? Try to convince the world that gee, we’re not so
bad after all? I’m not sure. Despite the editorial rule that one
should not criticize without offering some better solution to the
problem, I haven’t an answer. Maybe you do. Give it some thought.
Have your people call my people if you come up with anything. In
the meantime, at least be humbled.

You don’t even want to know what they said about the Clinton
thing.

Stephanie Pfeffer

Pfeffer would like to thank the Europeans for letting her use
their real identities. E-mail her at [email protected].

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