Jokesters spice up hot White House summer

Monday, September 28, 1998

Jokesters spice up hot White House summer

INTERN: Presidential scandal overshadows important issues,
duties

When moving to Washington, D.C. for a summer internship, one
expects the worst: the feeling of being lower than the scum growing
on a shower door, hours and hours of endless faxing and telephone
answering – and all for no pay.

That’s what I expected – that is, until I walked into the White
House for my first day of work.

At first, I was overwhelmed by the incredible power and strength
I suddenly felt as I entered into the mansion of our First
Family.

Briskly escorted through the mansion by two large men in dark
suits, I soon began to soak in my surroundings.

I walked into the main hallway of the West Wing, well known for
its high status as nerve central of the White House, and known,
most importantly, for the Oval Office.

To my left, I could see the White House kitchen, full of the
rich aroma of presidential Big Macs and Super-sized french fries.
To my right, a jar of Buddy’s doggie treats.

Finally, true confirmation of my arrival at the White House.

After a quick briefing with the president as to the nature of my
"job requirements," I started on a journey that would change the
way I saw the office of the presidency forever.

OK, so maybe I’m stretching the truth a little bit. Maybe I
really didn’t see the jar of Buddy’s treats or smell the aroma of
fast food or ever see the president in the Oval Office. All I know
is that this is what I expected to see going into the White
House.

Weeks before I started working in the White House, I knew
exactly what I’d hear all summer. Great one-liners like, "Hey man,
is the underside of the Oval Office desk as cool as they say," or
the always funny, "I hear you’ve been working overtime in the First
Lady’s Office these days."

Just as I assumed: D.C. interns are definitely the cream of the
crop.

Fully knowing the slew of jokes, ridicules and demeaning lines
soon to be thrown my way, I began preparing my responses.

When I first started, I told people I was simply working in a
"government agency." That had held me over as my non-denial denial
in California, so I assumed it would work in Washington. But as I
soon found out, D.C. interns are an inquisitive breed.

An interesting difference I noticed between the Washington
interns and Californians were the timings of the Monica Lewinsky
insults. In Los Angeles, people went directly into the insult
before I could finish my sentence. In Washington, there was a pause
before the joke.

"This is it," they must have thought, "I’ve got a White House
intern here, I better use my best Lewinsky joke. This could very
well be the pinnacle of my joke-telling career!"

Some astounded me as they tried to seem somewhat interested to
hear what I did in the White House before laying their blow. After
each joke, I would take a long sip of beer (the joke frequency
tended to increase around bars and alcohol). I knew from Week One
that it would be a long summer.

I worked throughout the summer in the gray bulwark called the
Old Executive Office Building, just an alleyway across from the
White House. Here I worked within the designated "safe zone" for
interns, away from the president for much of my stay.

Throughout the summer, during what CNN called "a Presidential
Crisis," I had experiences so amazing that only a White House
intern would ever be able to relate them.

The morning of Aug. 17 was basically an average morning at the
White House. The sun began shining, the birds began singing, the
president prepared for his testimony and I walked into work.

With my early 6:30 a.m. arrivals to work, I was required to go
through the same security gate that the press are screened through
each day.

And each day I walked in front of Pebble Beach, a cleverly named
corral-type area for the press to shoot their stand-ups.

On this morning, I remember the blinding camera lights and the
careful stare of lenses as I walked by with my intern badge proudly
hung around my neck. My moment of fame finally arrived. I was the
first White House intern the world saw the day of the
testimony.

My mom must have been proud.

On another occassion, I had the chance to watch the president
leave the White House on his Marine One helicopter with the First
Family on the South Lawn. While waiting for the family to walk out,
press members around me were placing bets as to who would be
holding whose hand. Would the president come out first? Would
Chelsea or the president be walking the dog?

I remember thinking, "I’m sure what the press really wants to
know about is the Native American Conference I helped out on."

Yeah, right.

All eyes were on the Lewinsky scandal. I lived in it every day
of my internship. I had to; it was all around me. There’s a
television in every Press Office room, all tuned to CNN or some
other news channel.

Of course, every channel spent hours replaying a two-second
clip, in ultra-slow motion, of someone leaving the federal
courthouse just blocks away.

Answering the White House press phones sometimes turned into an
open mic session at a comedy club. Callers from all over the
country made quite sure to let us know exactly how they felt about
the president.

Unlike both Californians and Washington interns, callers would
make sure to take a stab before I even had a chance to finish my
greeting.

"Good afternoon, White Ho-"

"The president can go to hell," one caller said, before giving
me the great honor of hearing his favorite, and needless to say
quite graphic, new joke about the president.

With all the negative press, endless jokes and frequent laughs
that White House interns received over the summer, I found the
summer to be quite a different experience than most Americans would
probably assume for a White House intern.

For the extent of my stay, I was never approached by the first
lady or the president for a "night on the town." Never did the
president send me a gift, or call me up just to see how I was
doing. For most of the summer, I worked. That’s right, I worked! No
hanky panky, no late nights in the Oval Office. Just lots of
intern-style work.

Despite the reports given by news broadcasters around the nation
and the endless hours of White House gossip on the 24-hour news
channels, my internship gave me true insight into the work done
each day in the executive branch.

While the rest of America worried about DNA testing and taped
conversations, I saw the real work being done firsthand. It’s a
shame that many programs that helped thousands of Americans took
place this summer that will never be recognized because of the
overwhelming scandal coverage. Much hard work and dedication came
out of the White House this summer – just ask an intern.

Ozimek, who is a former White House Press Office intern, is a
fourth-year communication studies student.

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