Good conversation kindles love

Monday, August 17, 1998

Good conversation kindles love

ROMANCE: Even awkward chitchat during early days of relationship
can lead to deeper connection

This is a love story. I thought that I’d come right out and say
it. Besides, who’s really against love anyway? You rarely hear
someone say, "No, I really don’t want to fall in love. I’m not
really into all that caring and hugs and kisses. I’m against that."
So, here’s your love story – or at least the beginning of one.

And I suppose this story is slightly out of season. Love usually
is a springtime event; the birds singing, the bees humming – it’s
all about love. But sometimes love blooms late.

Though technological advances such as the phone, fax, e-mail and
chat rooms have plowed their way into our lives, sitting and
talking is still the best way of communicating.

So, we join our couple doing just that. The sun could be
setting, with a sweet breeze in the air … but I think that would
be an awful cliche. But it’s still a nice day; the sky is blue and
clear (OK, so maybe that’s impossible in Los Angeles, but that’s
the way I see it).

He sits across from her (it’s much easier to interrogate someone
that way, don’t you think?), and they munch away on their latest
quasi-yuppie meal.

And he starts the conversation in fifth gear: "I can’t believe
those Jeopardy contestants who think that it’s OK to start in the
middle of the category. I’ll take Civil War generals whose name
begins with ‘K’ for $600, Alex. I’ll take Space Age Cuisine for
$300, Alex. What’s the deal with these people? You begin at the
beginning of the category."

"I suppose … I don’t watch Jeopardy," she says.

"Well don’t you think that you should start at the beginning of
the category?"

"I suppose so."

"You know, I think that Alex Trebek is really a smart guy, but I
can only be as sure of that as I can be of someone who sits and
reads an encyclopedia aloud."

Unfortunately, he doesn’t have an encyclopedia. Otherwise he may
talk forever. So the conversation stalls, but he reloads with a non
sequitur:

"You know that it’s my 21st birthday next week. I’m halfway to
42. Halfway to a mid-life crisis."

She smiles a small smile. Time passes and they’re sitting out of
the restaurant patio eating away. People pass. But he can’t wait to
jump right back in again: "You see that guy over there?"

"Over there?"

"No, over there."

"OK."

"He’s got a tag still on his pants. You see that?"

"Yeah."

"Can you believe that? You know that some day wearing the tags
will become a style. You know, like sagging, or leaving the label
on your baseball cap. People will leave the six inch long tag that
says ‘Medium’ on their shirts, and they’ll leave the Bugle Boy
Company label on the pants. ‘No wrinkles. Cotton casual. Permanent
crease. We’re proud to offer 100 percent cotton canvas, which
assures you of excellent durability.’ Conspicuous consumption will
make its return, and you’ll wonder where we went wrong."

"Yeah – "

"But I suppose there will always be diversity out there. Only in
America can you go to the video store and see a video cassette for
the Three Tenors next to one for AC/DC. That’s diversity."

By this point she’s hoping for a little "diversity" in the
conversation. She’s tired of having to fight for a spot in the
dialogue – most people don’t date because they need to renew a
sense of competition in their lives. So she gets up to "go to the
bathroom," as he sits there with no one to talk to.

Ironic, don’t you think?

He’s by himself while she goes off to the bathroom. As she walks
by the kitchen there’s a magnet on the fridge. And you thought that
only middle-class homes in the suburbs had kitchen magnets.
Actually, one of their high-tech, independent restaurant
consultants suggested having kitchen magnets with inspirational
sayings on them. The consultant suggested it to "synergize employee
morale," and management ate the idea up (excuse the pun).

This magnet reads: "I stand on my desk to remind myself that we
must constantly force ourselves to look at things differently."
Now, how would you like working with this guy?

You’re in a meeting, and he suddenly gets up and moves to
another seat. He can’t resist standing on his desk. "Excuse me, I
think you need to move." And then there’s the innocent telephone
conversation: "So, Jim where you calling from?"

"I’m calling from my desk."

Well, I suppose some people are walking metaphors. Anyway, she
does her thing, and she walks back to the table, completely unaware
of the magnet, and sits back down.

After she forced him to talk to someone else (the waiter, the
people next to him, himself), she sits there quietly. And he’s
about to speak, but he doesn’t. I would say that the conversation
stalled, but it’s more of a pause than anything else. (You know,
the kind of unforeseen pause that’s forced upon you because you
really need it.)

His eyes drift off to the sky and suddenly dart back to her. He
glances back to the sky then to her again. Suddenly the revelation
comes to him: Her eyes match the color of the sky, which I suppose
would be really corny, except for that earlier they were both
listening to him speak, and any change would be gladly
welcomed.

Besides, I like the color of the sky (no, her eyes aren’t brown
– although in Los Angeles this is a possibility). "I’ve met the
most beautiful girl with sky blue eyes" is a great line, but it
sounds like one of those rare, happy country songs.

Anyway, guess what happens? He says: "So, what do you think of
this restaurant?"

And she says, "Well, it’s not that bad. I went to this other
restaurant a few blocks down, and they served the greatest bread
with the meal. Excuse me, the greatest free bread. I suppose free
bread always tastes good, but I take what I can get."

"What’s the name of this place?"

"Boxwell’s Bistro."

"No kidding, I love that place."

How about that? She had something to say, and he decided to find
out. I suppose that Jeopardy may make good chitchat for some
people, and the styles of the day that seem to come and go may be
worth speculating about, but still, there’s something about
conversation: It’s as free as the bread and you don’t have to ask
the waiter to have some, but don’t dine alone.Hill is a fourth-year
communication studies student. E-mail comments to
[email protected].