Succesful dating simply requires right music

Monday, May 18

Succesful dating simply requires right music

Three couples experience anxiety, employ strategies which tackle
challenge of relationships

This is the tale of six lovers – wait, let me stop there.
They’re not really lovers, but I guess they could be; you see,
they’re just getting started. But for this whole love thing to work
right, you need a few things besides a starry night (which you
won’t get in Los Angeles) and a deep pocketbook (which you may find
in Los Angeles). And in every romance you have music – so
naturally, this column has a soundtrack. ("Face In the Crowd," by
Tom Petty plays in the background)The first couple isn’t a couple
yet. Jack just went through a breakup, but he’s doing all right.
(Actually, he’s really broken up about the whole thing.) Right
about now, he’s thinking to himself, "Maybe an arranged marriage
isn’t such a bad idea. I trust my parents."Sounds crazy, don’t you
think? But, I’m not sure he is, though. In an arranged marriage,
you don’t have to worry about dating. Who you’re going to marry is
who you’re going to marry. No worries.But Jack has to worry, just
like the rest of us. What’s more, he has the Susan Lucci Love
Complex – you’re always nominated, but you never win – never. But
he’s sitting in class one day and sees this beautiful girl. Just a
little makeup, doesn’t need to flaunt "parts" of her; she just …
is. Well, he finds a way to talk to her. (Switch the jukebox to
"She Drives Me Crazy," Fine Young Cannibals)You know the kind of
situation, when you go up to someone and you’re so nervous that
when you say, "Hello" you’re not really sure that she’s going to
say, "Hello" back, because of course when you’re smitten with
someone you’re also paranoid. In your mind, you’re thinking, "Why
would she talk to me?" Now that’s nervous. But I guess love finds a
way.Well, Jack says "Hello" and guess what? She says hello back.
She smiles, he smiles (because basically he’s working on instinct
at this point) and somehow he asks her out to dinner and she says,
"Yes."So, he picks her up and they’re walking to The Birds and Bees
Cafe. (It’s a good date place.) As they walk in, there’s a subtle
scent of potpourri, but not enough for the flowery smell to get to
you, because there is such a thing as too much potpourri.But back
to the story: The Birds and Bees Cafe is a great place. You’d love
it. It’s nice, but not too nice. What I mean to say is, you have
real stainless-steel forks, knives and spoons, but no salad forks
or special spoons. As I said, it’s a nice place. ("Love Goddess of
Venus," The Ventures)Jack and Jill sit down. They’re nervous, but
they both try to hide the fact that they are. And the poker game
begins. They face off, trying to keep the other person from knowing
what cards they have. Right now, they’re both looking around the
room, because apparently they don’t have any cards to play, so
they’re looking for something. Because, you know – all you have to
do to get a conversation started is make observations about the
room.Basically, it’s the same thing as saying, "It’s a nice day
today." It’s one of those conversation savers. And, Jack and Jill
need one of those right now. The conversation went well in the car,
but it has stalled now.So Jack says, "So, how are you doing?"Her
lips, which are always ready to smile, say, "Fine."At this point
,Jack was hoping that she would at least give something more than
an "I’m fine" answer. But she gives the generic one people always
give. So, they sit silently, and every once in a while he smiles
and she smiles, miming very movement.Meanwhile at the same cafe, we
meet couple number two: Susan and Jeff. ("Let My Love Open The
Door," Pete Townsend) Let me bring you up to speed. Susan’s the
kind of person who doesn’t let guys open doors for her – that’s her
version of feminism. And Jeff likes to talk a lot; Jeff always has
something to say. But he makes the mistake of starting the
conversation by saying, "Do you know what an anagram is?"She says,
"No.""Well, as we all know, an anagram is a word or phrase that
makes another word or phrase when you rearrange them.""Okay.""Guess
what Å’dormitory’ is?"At this point, he’s already gone too far,
but she says, "What?" anyway."Dirty room."She says, "That’s very
interesting."And, yes, you guessed it – "interesting" is the
perfect word for this situation. Why? Remember what your mother
said: "If you don’t have anything nice to say, just say it’s
interesting." That’s it.But hopefully Susan will forgive Jeff for
being "into" words. I guess Susan should consider herself fortunate
that he didn’t bring his dictionary with him.In another booth we
meet Chelsea and Kevin. ("Let Me Take You Home Tonight," Boston)
Kevin is already a little ahead of himself as you can tell by his
choice of music. Kevin is a polo-shirt-and-khakis kind of guy;
she’s wearing a little-red-something. Chelsea is an actress. I
guess everybody has a dream, but apparently this dream has gone
into syndication in Los Angeles. Kevin is a director – and guess
what?They hit it off.They’re in a high-pressure situation. You see,
earlier this week, Kevin successfully executed the "date upgrade."
This is how he did it: He called Chelsea up to ask her to lunch,
but then he called her up a few days later to tell her he couldn’t
make lunch and asked her for dinner, she said, "Yes." Now, you know
that dinner is higher up on the dating scale than lunch, so if you
can pull it off you’re deceptively advancing the relationship.But
I’m sure you’re wondering what happened to Jack and Jill. ("Earth
Angel," The Penguins) The conversation did pick up. You see,
hanging on the wall is an artist’s print of the beach – angry waves
cascading into the rocks, cloaked with a gray shroud of clouds. And
Jack says, "That’s a nice painting" – that’s all.She says, "Yeah."I
guess he forgot that he was nervous because he starts talking about
how his uncle has a beach house and about the storms that beat the
coast into a disorganized garage sale. All of a sudden they’re
talking. She’s smiling. He’s smiling. Meanwhile he’s thinking about
how beautiful her smile is and how he would do anything to make her
smile and that’s it. Yep, that’s it.Maybe you’re thinking, "What do
you mean: Å’That’s it?’" Let me explain.It’s simple. When a guy
(like Jack) would do anything to make a girl (like Jill) smile,
that’s the beginning of the four-letter word: love. But, of course,
dates do come to an end ("Don’t Forget About Me," Simple Minds) and
twosomes have to part after the date. (Actually they don’t have to,
but this is a very PG, family kind of column.)But after they leave
one another, they’re really not apart. They don’t want to leave
each other at first, because this is the beginning of love. And,
their minds seem to always go back to that one moment when they
look at each other as if to say, "Hold Me Now" (Thompson Twins).
And they play the soundtrack back in their minds, hoping for one
more dance.

Spencer Hill