Venturing beyond the two-party spectrum

Wednesday, May 6, 1998

Venturing beyond the two-party spectrum

POLITICS: Sleeping on ideas not same as being brainwashed by
them

Due to a mild case of insomnia that plagues me occasionally, I
leave the radio on to lull me to sleep. Disembodied voices drone on
late into the night, complaining, arguing and debating. After an
artificial classroom environment develops, the ceiling blurs in my
line of sight and I usually fall asleep.

According to my staunchly Democrat friend, this remedy
definitely poses some serious hazards. If my alarm clock fails to
irritate me out of bed by 9 a.m., I am blessed with an earful of
Rush Limbaugh.

How could I risk brainwashing myself by listening to this
opinionated talking head who is often labeled a racist and sexist
and claims to have "talent on loan from God?" (God is a generous,
omnipotent being.)

Well, I find Rush to be the ultimate political comedian who
enjoys mocking "femi-nazis" and overzealous tree-hugger types with
"half (his) brain tied behind his back." (What a disturbing image
… No wonder some people react so negatively to his name.)

In a heated e-mail debate, my dear Democrat friend threatened
not to talk to me for liking such a narrow-minded Republican
loud-mouth who pollutes the airwaves with claims such as "evidence
refutes liberalism."

Well, I agree with everything that he utters. I am a mindless,
vacant-eyed dittohead. He speaks the "undeniable truth." (His
twisted version of the truth.) Who could argue with such witty
barbs as, "The Los Angeles riots were not caused by the Rodney King
verdict. The Los Angeles riots were caused by rioters"?

"Not I," said the part-time insomniac.

Of Rush’s 35 "truths" listed somewhere in cyberspace hell, my
favorites include:

"The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it
after you cut it."

"Women should not be allowed on juries when the accused is a
stud."

"Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier
access to the mainstream of society."

I am amazed at what half a brain can think up as "truths." (I
will be the first to volunteer stapling the other half of Rush’s
brain back into place.)

I tried convincing my Democrat friend to listen to Rush’s words,
with the hope of making her realize that knowing the enemy is the
first step of joining – I mean, defeating – them. She refused.

Perhaps she feared being converted to Republicanism before the
age of 40. I vaguely recall rooting for Reagan in 1980 and 1984. I
sat in front of the television watching the election returns,
marveling at the cool flag in the background.

Growing up, I dreamt of voting Republican like my parents.
(Besides, the elephant looked like it could beat up that wimpy
donkey any day.)

Then George Bush entered the picture. He made quite an
impression with his "read my lips" speech and his Gulf War. During
the 1992 primaries, my U.S. history teacher took a poll of which
candidate the students preferred. (For those with impaired recall
abilities, the candidate choices included George Bush, Bill
Clinton, and Ross "Chart Man" Perot.) Bush won by a landslide.

In reality, outside the infamous Orange Curtain, Clinton kicked
Bush out of office. And thus began Rush Limbaugh’s steady rise to
fame (or infamy?).

Quite by accident, I stumbled upon Rush Limbaugh’s lovely radio
show while residing at my home in conservative North Orange County.
In my desperate attempts to find something entertaining on the
radio while writing a paper, I paused long enough to hear some
woman yell, "We’re angry! We’re Feminist! And we’re in your
face!"

I stopped my station-surfing. The statement repeated several
times. Then some strange man began talking about how these extreme
feminists, or "femi-nazis," were wasting their time. Soon
afterwards, an odd version of "Born Free" blared through my radio
speakers, accompanied by the sounds of shotguns and rifles firing.
I couldn’t stop laughing.

I admit I was offended with the first "femi-nazis" segment, but
the animal-rights update reminded me of a gruesome short story I
wrote about roadkill. (No, I don’t actively search for little
critters to flatten on the asphalt.)

By then, I couldn’t stop listening to this sexist and racist
man. (Is this a sign of mild brainwashing?) Rush supported the
Republican platform, but had no qualms pointing out the hypocrisy
of Republican party members.

So when I finally turned 18, I received a voter registration
card. The choice should have been rather simple: check the box
marked Republican, I thought to myself. Unfortunately, I read
through the other options on the card. (It was only fitting for a
pro-choice person like myself.)

The moment of truth arrived and I hesitated. A chaotic jumble of
party platforms floated around in my mind. Throughout my life,
voting seemed like such a privilege, and it is. I realized with a
jolt that more than two sides existed in the political spectrum. So
which one should I choose?

Quickly, the elephant and the donkey tumbled out of my mind. (I
think the elephant squished the donkey on the way out.) I found
myself attracted to the Libertarian platform. So I checked off
Libertarian and sentenced myself to the marginal third-party
void.

You probably know what Republicans and Democrats support.
Republicans are the gun-toting, Bible-thumping conservatives.
Democrats are bleeding-heart (possibly from a Republican bullet),
welfare-supporting liberals.

So what is a Libertarian? Perhaps you witnessed from afar (or
maybe so close that you saw the world in an altered state) the
spectacle known as the annual Bruin Libertarian-sponsored Hemp
Fest. (I took no part in this event nor am I anyway affiliated with
the Bruin Libertarians.)

A Libertarian believes that all individuals are sovereign over
their own lives and, the smaller the government, the better. To be
a Libertarian is to be pro-choice with almost everything. (So
Libertarians aren’t as close to Republicans as I once thought.)

The Libertarian platform includes supporting medicinal use of
drugs, the unrestricted freedom of the press, religion and the
right to bear arms. In a Libertarian world, pregnant women can make
decisions over their own bodies, and all legislation and government
policies that condone, affirm, encourage or discourage sexual
lifestyles or any set of attitudes about such lifestyles would be
repealed.

Sounds a bit idealistic to me. I read somewhere that the only
difference between an Anarchist and a Libertarian is that the
Libertarian has money. (Well, following that rationale, I should be
an Anarchist anytime now.)

After reviewing my party platform, I realized that I had some
issues with such phrases as the "cult of the state." It disturbed
me in the same sense as seeing "AmeriKKKa" in a Socialist paper.
What a strange country the United States would be if the
Libertarians got a hold of it. (Like that would ever happen.)

Most Americans just seem content sitting on the fence watching
the two "extremes" duke it out in Washington.

Last year, I found my brother staring at a voter’s registration
card several weeks after his 18th birthday. I managed to convince
him that Libertarianism would be a good choice (as opposed to his
decision to attend USC). Too bad I didn’t convince him to listen to
Rush Limbaugh.

I think I’ll go sit on the fence and watch the "fight." Who
knows? Maybe someday I’ll put on some gloves and join in.