If you want to reach me, leave me alone

Thursday, February 26, 1998

If you want to reach me, leave me alone

RELIGION: On campus religion pushers should tone down sales
pitches

I grew up Catholic. And to the dismay of any family members who
may be reading this, I haven’t gone to church much since I started
college. At first I thought it was a universal truth, because I met
quite a few people at UCLA who gave up organized religion when it
came time to hit the books. I doubt they used Sunday mornings to
study; I suspect the real culprit was too much partying Saturday
night. I used laziness as an excuse. It’s much different to walk
for half an hour than to drive for five minutes to get to church.
Regardless, I tried to ease my guilty conscious with the fact that
most people didn’t go to church at UCLA because we’re sinful
college students, and hell, we’re only young once.

That is, until some people invited me to go to their church. And
then another, and another, and yet another. They were all very
friendly and very persistent. And they all got on my nerves. Did I
look hell-bent? Angry at the world? In need of spiritual guidance
and heavenly assistance? I wasn’t obnoxious enough to tell them I’m
a devil worshipper, or sarcastic enough to tell them I’m Jewish,
Buddhist or any other religionAfrican American people aren’t
traditionally associated with. Although I have yet to go to church
with a complete stranger, these people have made me think about a
lot of things.

First off, what is it that makes these people walk up to random
students and invite them to church? If I eat at a good restaurant
I’ll recommend it to my friends. I might suggest a film to my mom.
But I would never turn to a passerby and ask, "Are you looking for
a good Chinese restaurant?" Or, "Want to watch a good action flick
this weekend?" So when it comes to much deeper matters such as
spirituality, I am boggled that people ask me to come to their
church as though they’re asking me to eat at a new cafe.

Why this drive to increase membership? I know that good
Christians are supposed to spread the word. I know that some people
are in desperate need of guidance and are just waiting for an
invitation to church, Bible study or some sort of positive
influence in their lives. But believe me, there are people who want
to be left alone. There are people for whom this sort of
spirituality won’t work. I can respect some people with the courage
to walk up to others, share their good experiences and invite them
to participate. But when people ask me to come to their church and
I say "No," I would appreciate it if they would leave it at that.
Instead, many follow with a litany of questions.

Are you attending church right now? Do you study the Bible? And
when I say that I’m Catholic, every single person who has
approached me says, "Oh, I used to be Catholic." Every single
person! The first couple of times I thought it was a coincidence,
but now I am convinced it is an evil conspiracy because Catholicism
is not the majority religion in the United States. Even if I
suppose that they all were telling the truth, why must they imply
that if they used to be Catholic and found solace with their new
church, I will also choose to abandon Catholicism in favor of their
group? It’s almost insulting.

It makes me question the real motives of their approach. Do they
want me to have some spirituality in my life, or does it have to do
with their spirituality? I am very wary of people who claim that
there is only one right way. God, or whichever higher power one
chooses to believe in, made people in all different colors and all
different types. But everyone on the planet breathes air and goes
to the bathroom, so I’m sure it could have been arranged that we
all practice the same religion. I don’t place much stock in the
idea of being saved.

Anyone who knows me will understand the difficulty I have
telling these people no. I actually am not as wimpy as I used be,
but I cannot bear to be rude, and sometimes this is all it will
take to get someone to leave me alone. I should be able to see them
coming a mile away, but I get sucked into the conversation every
time, and I don’t know how to get out.

Of course I ask myself, why don’t I try this new group? I did go
once because my friend from high school invited me. I only went
because he promised me that if I tried once he would never ask
about it again, and he kept his word. It wasn’t a bad experience,
and the people were friendly and seemed to really enjoy each
other’s presence. But it wasn’t me. And I know it’s not right for a
lot of people.

Religion can be a beautiful thing. It always saddens me when
someone tells me he doesn’t believe in God or some higher power. I
think the right religious or spiritual path is essential for peace
of mind. But religion can also be manipulative, and it can fail to
provide people with what they really need. Right now organized
religion isn’t right for me.

Whenever someone invites me to go to church, it reminds me all
over again why I took a hiatus from Catholicism. My aversion toward
walking for half an hour may have been the initial cause, but there
are deeper and more serious reasons.

Actually, this year, I have only been approached by one person.
I think it is because I am not on campus very much. I am sure that
most people have been caught up in this uncomfortable situation,
and I hope they have found more effective ways to deal with it than
I have. I don’t mind so much when someone approaches me, but I do
mind when she becomes intrusive and rude. It makes me wonder what
this religion is really doing for that person.