Mark Shapiro

Upcoming Super Bowl will leave fans rooting for the
commercials

COLUMN:Advertising competition will outshine the big game’s
matchup

The hype wheels are turning and the Super Bowl circus is coming
to town, so let the obvious and obnoxious question parade
begin.

In Denver, the fans are asking, between gasps for breath
(because of the altitude, you understand), will John Elway and his
Broncos finally be rid of Super Bowl ignominy or will he join Jim
Kelly, Fran Tarkenton and Al Bundy on the list of perpetual losers?
Can the AFC actually win the Super Bowl or will the big game merely
be the newest installment of the Keystone Kops, NFL version?

Out in Green Bay, where people who think wearing cheese on their
heads makes them look tough, are wondering if Brett Favre will
hoist the Vince Lombardi Trophy for the second time, or will he be
too preoccupied trying to get that enormous goatee untangled from
his chinstrap? Is the San Diego heat going make the Packers
cheering section look like a great big fondue?

Here in California, however, we don’t have the time to worry
about things like that. After a week full of torrential rains and
mild earthquakes, we’re focused on the serious issues.

Like, will those homicidal iguanas really assassinate the
Budweiser frogs in a Simpson-esque fit of jealousy? Or, how is
Jerry Seinfeld going to outdo Visa’s Winter Olympics
promotions?

In a game that pits the professional football version of Skippy
from "Family Ties" (you know, the guy who means well and tries
really hard, but never wins and becomes irritating because he
doesn’t know when to quit) against America’s bandwagon team, it’s
not the outcome that counts, it’s the commercials.

It was Sunday’s conference championship games that left us
bereft of any suspense, plot or things to make fun of.

With the Steelers’ loss, we get no cracks about Bill Cowher and
his jaw and no more of Chris Berman’s sound effects whenever Jerome
"the Bus" Bettis touches the ball.

But worst of all, I don’t get to root against the 49ers. That
team that has haunted me and every self-respecting Dolphin fan for
12 years isn’t going to make the gig this year, so the only team
that most every Californian either loves or hates won’t be taking
the next step.

So now, what is there to root for on Super Sunday besides Bud
over Bud Light in Bud Bowl X? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to
pick the winner of the Broncos-Packers love-in, and neither team
has the colorful personalities that make it so fun to love or hate
them.

No, for us left coasters, it’s those 30-second spots that cost
an absurd amount of money that will make Super Bowl Sunday worth
watching.

Just think about the matchups, Ford vs. Chevy, Burger King vs.
McDonalds. Who cares about John Elway matched up against Brett
Favre when you’ve got Coke and Pepsi going head to head for the
first time in years?

Now there’s a matchup to get excited about.

Shapiro is a Daily Bruin staff writer and beat writer for men’s
basketball.

E-mail responses to [email protected].