Enjoying life at steady, continuous pace

Wednesday, November 5, 1997

Enjoying life at steady, continuous pace

UCLA Campus shuffle keeps us in common perpetual motion, rather
than on a collision course

By Jason Caro

There can be no doubt that Princess Diana’s life came to a
tragic end. But the fact that we were all so startled by it raises
some questions about ourselves. Unfortunately for us her fate
cannot be ours. This is because it was not just extreme speed that
claimed her. Rather it was the abrupt halt of that speed that
separates us from her. In a way it was inevitable. Diana lived as
though she was in one of Seneca’s frantic tragedies. And everyone
knows what happens to tragic heroines. The problem for mere mortals
like us is the reverse: an endless movement that is only mildly
invigorating.

Have you noticed that whenever you run into a friend or
acquaintance on Bruin Walk that the tendency is to continue moving
while trying to chat? Of course, you do slow down but the inertia
nevertheless pushes us on. Thankfully we have no choice against the
pressure. There is a whole set of offices and structures which are
working to keep us in perpetual motion. So, if I have rudely walked
passed you I am surely not to blame.

Here are some examples of the kinds of efforts which maintain
the UCLA shuffle. If you are an undergraduate there is a counseling
office which keeps you on schedule so that you can graduate "on
time." Did you know that UCLA hospital patients, slowed down by
illness or accident, can draw upon the resources of an obscure
office called the Office of Special Services to get things moving
again? If you start to go crazy from all of the rushing about
campus you can go to Psychological Services for a fix. Or, if
someone is keeping you from moving as fast as you would like to,
you can turn to the Ombudsmen. If you simply have a "beef" then you
can write a letter to the Daily Bruin. This has the effect of
getting that darn problem off your chest and allows you the freedom
to … what else? Keep moving! Even all of the construction around
campus is designed, in part, to widen access paths and thereby free
up motion. I don’t even need to mention the effect that the quarter
system has upon our heart-rates.

There are other, unofficial, channels that enable you to move
sleekly around our academic biome. Fraternities maintain prior
exams on file if you are concerned about failing your upcoming
test. You wouldn’t want anything like a poor grade to keep you from
your scheduled graduation date. If you start to run on empty then
you can make a pit stop at any of a dozen subsidized food outlets
on campus. Even the natural slope of the campus is designed to
usher you along in a hurry. All of this also explains why the UCLA
"travel agency" could be closed; we are to be kept moving around
campus, not around the world.

Now you might think that you could fly through UCLA and graduate
really quickly. No. Things must be kept moving, but you, in
particular, are not allowed to move more quickly than anyone else.
Now every motorcyclist knows that the safest way to drive on the
highway is to go faster than anyone else. But if you were to start
running down Bruin Walk or across intersections you would surely
fall or get stopped by university police. Try to cheat on an exam
and you will be expelled. Move too quickly, on a skateboard or on
rollerblades and you will be frozen by a look. (And the opposite
condition holds too: Move too slowly and you will be picked up as a
vagrant or branded by a psychiatrist as having a "learning
disorder.")

So, when at UCLA, you are to move at certain pace. That is what
makes this place a community. Everyone is proceeding at roughly the
same rate, at a common speed. Briskly but steadily. Don’t bother to
fight it. That would only irritate the rest of us. Instead, dive
into it all and allow your otherwise heavy self to float and bob
downstream. It is a luxury that Diana, despite all of her wealth,
longed for but could never enjoy.