The prophecy: Lakers, ‘Wolves to rise, Clippers keep on falling

Thursday, October 30, 1997

The prophecy: Lakers, ‘Wolves to rise, Clippers keep on
falling

COLUMN: Quick look at what you can expect of NBA West this
season

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t slept much in the past
four months.

I was haunted by questions that have plagued mankind since the
dawn of time: Where will Shawn Kemp go? Will the Bulls be
dismantled? Will the U.S. Treasury be forced to print more money to
satisfy Kevin Garnett’s next contract?

Some of these questions have already been answered ("to the
Cavs" and "not yet"), others are still up in the air (the president
has been putting in mass orders for green ink, just in case), but
they all have one thing in common: They don’t mean a thing without
the ring.

The quest for which begins tomorrow.

Oh baby!

Yes, I’ll admit it; I am a hoops junkie. And, unlike other
addictions that I’ve admitted to in these pages, this one is real
(so please tell the Girl Scouts to stop sending me hate mail about
that extortion piece).

It’s true; I love this game. And I know you do too. How could
you not? It’s FANtastic.

So, without further ado, an NBA preview to end all NBA
previews.

Lets get ready to rrrruummmbllle!

The best of the West:

Lakers (Pacific): Shaq is overrated. He can’t do this, he can’t
do that; Alonzo Mourning’s a better player. Think again: Shaq wins
MVP. You heard it here first. Remember it. Write it down. Take a
picture. I don’t give a f***.

Spurs (Midwest): The Robinson-Duncan-Eliot frontcourt will be as
good as advertised; too bad the backcourt will be as bad. The big
man showdowns will be awesome against the Lakers in the conference
finals (if they aren’t upset first), but Vinny Del Negro will break
down in tears and have to be hospitalized after Eddie Jones and
Kobe Bryant combine to drop 40+ on him in both games one and
two.

SuperSonics (P): Sure he may not be as explosive as Shawn Kemp,
but Vin Baker can do plenty of things his predecessor couldn’t
(like keep his head out of his ass). Baker, a three-time all-star
and crowd favorite with the Bucks, will soon make Seattle forget
the DisdainMan.

Jazz (MW): Stockton’s out for two months, and when he comes back
he’ll be an old man with even older knees. Sorry, but those were
the only NBA finals this Dynamic Duo will ever see.

Rockets (MW): Injuries might help them win their health
insurance company’s preferred customer award but will definitely
rule them out of the title chase.

Trailblazers (P): If they can all stay out of the pokey, and
that’s a big "if," this team could be scary. This is the most
talented team in the West without Jerry West, and the
Blazers-Lakers rivalry will be oh-so-much fun to watch into the
next century.

Suns (P): How the hell did this team get Antonio McDyess for,
basically, Wesley Person and a pack of Cheetos? If he resigns,
McDyess and Jason Kidd will be this generation’s Stockton and
Malone.

Timberwolves (MW): The nucleus is young and talented, but even
all of Garnett’s money won’t buy this team out of a first round
exit from the playoffs.

The Rest:

Clippers (P): Sorry fellas, I hope you enjoyed the playoffs
while they lasted; you won’t have another chance until the Jazz and
Rockets ride off into the sunset.

Kings (P): No, Mitch Richmond will not be wearing Laker purple
anytime soon (at least not for Jones, he won’t), but neither will
he be wearing its Sacramento equivalent for much longer. His stay
in the capital figures to last the season, though, as the Kings
look to hammer out the details on a new arena and secure season
tickets.

Warriors (P):The only question is which potential all-star they
will piss-away next.

Mavericks (MW): And you thought the team was drifting in the
wrong direction before Don Nelson came aboard? Nellie, I love you,
but all of this had better work, or you’ll never work in this
league again.

Grizzlies (MW): Don’t be surprised if they leap-frog the
deadbeats in front of them; if it doesn’t happen this season, it
will the next. Yes, Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury are the bomb,
but I still say Shareef Abdur Rahim will be the best player to come
out of the ’96 draft.

Nuggets (MW): Not even worth the ink or the time.

Geez, I guess I had more B.S. to spew about the West than I
thought. Guess you’ll just have to wait until next week to find out
what will happen in the East.

Don’t miss it; same Bruin Time, same Bruin Channel.

Offended Clippers fans can e-mail responses to
[email protected]