A recipe for disaster

Monday, October 13, 1997

A recipe for disaster

SOLUTIONS: Everyone must accept responsibility, stop blaming
other side

By Jeff Gold

As if we haven’t all read enough articles on race to last a
lifetime, here is another.

First, a few words concerning the recent articles on the topic.
I speak of the Hatfield/McCoy shootout occurring between Alex
Balekian and Chad Williams. Mr. Balekian, you oversimplify and
understate. Mr. Williams, you overdramatize and patronize. Neither
of you are the solution; you are both part of the problem.

Here is a recipe for disaster:

* Add one cup of people disgusted at decades of mistreatment and
discrimination.

* Add one cup of people disgusted at playing the fall guy for
decades of mistreatment and discrimination.

* Slowly stir in two centuries worth of two-sided violence,
mistakes, misconceptions and things taken out of context.

* Pour mixture into a cast-iron society that is dedicated to
allowing all viewpoints to be expressed through the media.

* Salt to taste with political slogans.

* Bake until explosion.

* Have each side use media to blame other for explosion.

Don’t you see? Mr. Balekian and Mr. Williams gave us an
excellent representation of the process we use to solve racial
problems. We let things fester until someone has to speak out. Our
society teaches us that the way to solve a problem is to find
someone to blame, blame them, make them make amends, and move on.
It doesn’t work that way in this case. No one will take
responsibility because no one is guilty.

I sympathize with Mr. Balekian. He is right. Stop trying to
pretend he isn’t. It is hard to be white. I had a customer in the
bookstore where I used to work yell at me for practicing racial
prejudice because she was next in line and I answered the
telephone, as per company policy. I would have done the same thing
if she had been my mother. I’ve been accused of being "racist"
because my bookstore doesn’t have a Latino-interest section. Never
mind that we don’t have a Caucasian-interest or an African
American-interest section either.

And I sympathize with Mr. Williams. He is dead on target with
some of his critiques. Yes, America is a discriminating place.
People of color get strange looks just for being in trendy stores.
Many people hold conscious and unconscious stereotypes of all
ethnicities. It is hard to be successful when everyone is giving
you excuses and expects you to fail.

The atrocities suffered by members of many different ethnicities
are among the worst ever committed. Even today, America remains a
place with an underlying inhospitable tone towards those who don’t
fit the general WASP mold.

But the most grievous sin of all is the one being practiced
today. It isn’t a white thing, or a black thing, or an
any-one-ethnicity thing.

So, when Mr. Balekian tells us that minorities are anti-white,
you know what? He is mostly right. It isn’t as malicious as it
sounds. There is a resentment that whites don’t understand the
problem. Because whites don’t. We gave up trying to understand,
because we were told we couldn’t.

We decided if we couldn’t understand, then it wasn’t a problem.
We think because we don’t see racism, that it is gone. Well, those
of you with a paler tone of skin, it isn’t. It is alive and strong.
Take the worst estimate you can think of and double it. Whites
don’t know the extent of the racism today. It is good at hiding
itself from us. But this isn’t the whole problem.

When Mr. Williams says, "The burden of proof is on you … being
that whites in this country have yet to take responsibility for
their past wrongdoings," he shows us another end of the problem.
What does he want anyone alive today to do? Say we are sorry for
things done by those before us? As humans, we are sorry. But, then
again, so are you. An apology means nothing coming from the son of
a son of a son who was perpetuating something the church, media,
literature, and society of the time told him was right. But even
this isn’t the whole problem.

Those of the ethnic minorities want the whites to take
responsibility for the status of the country today, and the whites
want the minorities to take the responsibility. Pawn off the blame.
That is the heart of the problem.

My, but I paint a dire picture. So what is the solution? The
answer is this: Both sides need to take responsibility.

Whites: Admit there is a problem. Admit that you don’t
understand the extent of it. Get right out and say, in one-to-one
conversation, without hiding behind a newspaper article, that you
are tired of everyone blaming you. Stop feeling threatened by
affirmative action, even if you don’t agree with it. Understand it;
99 percent of the minority population doesn’t want to exert some
kind of Orwellian dominance over the United States. Swallow that
egotism that says you aren’t in any way responsible, and ask for
help.

Everyone is part of the problem. Try to reach an understanding.
This has nothing to do with convincing others that you are
innocent. Stop being defensive.

Minorities: Admit that it isn’t all the "white man’s" fault.
Admit that just maybe you have been playing the victim. Slavery is
over. The Japanese internment camps erected during World War II
have been taken down. They were terrible things, but it’s in the
past. Ninety-nine percent of the white population has no urge to
oppress you. Understand that the goal of society is to give
everyone, regardless of race, an equal chance. No better, no worse.
Understand that whites feel threatened by affirmative action and
programs that give anyone an edge. Help them understand. Stop
feeling so self-righteous. Come down off your soapbox, stop
accusing, and start trying to solve.

I will leave you with an old fable: Two monks walked back to
their monastery after a day of contemplation in a nearby forest. As
they went to cross a river in their path, they saw a beautiful
young lady. She could not cross the river, for it was too deep and
she could not swim. One monk lifted her onto his back, swam across
the river, and bade her go her way.

An hour later, as they neared the monastery walls, the second
monk said, "I am troubled by what you did at the river. Surely you
know it was a sin to touch a lady, especially in such an intimate
manner!" The first monk replied, "I set her down an hour ago. Why
do you carry her still?"

The past is past. It can’t be changed. Everyone, put down your
emotional baggage, and let’s finally get around to solving this
problem.