Feminine allure triggers males’ bravado

Monday, 7/7/97 Feminine allure triggers males’ bravado Need to
hide true feelings produces funny, awkward results

The chase. The chase for girls. It’s what life is all about for
a guy in his twenties. A close second to the chase for girls is the
need to sustain oneself with food and drink. The idea is simple:
Get girls. The way you get them isn’t nearly as important as the
fact that you get them. There is, however, one caveat to this rule:
Paying for it is generally frowned upon by other guys who are also
in the chase. Aside from that, whether you get them with your wit,
wealth (that is not what I meant by paying for it), looks, social
standing or horizontal standing (think anatomy) doesn’t matter one
bit. Why, then, is it so hard to meet someone new? Specifically,
why is it so unimaginably difficult to meet someone of the opposite
sex? Even more specifically, why is it so hard to approach
(coherently) someone you really, really like? Consider the
following thought experiment: Your roommate has a friend whom
you’ve met. You have been told that this friend feels fondly
towards you – romantically. You, however, do not reciprocate those
feelings. (Incidentally, I hope you picked up on that little
semantic maneuver I just pulled: "I’m not really attracted to you,"
or "I don’t feel the same way" are both fine – but they burn too
many bridges. If you want to reject somebody, but still use
her/him, it’s always, "I have nonreciprocal feelings towards you.")
At any rate, what invariably happens is that you become, in front
of this person, the person you wish you could be in front of the
person you actually like. In other words, we are always smooth,
articulate, charming, funny and intelligent to the rejects.
However, when we are in front of people we are interested in, we
say things like, "So you’re in my political science class, right?
Oh that’s right, you sit right next to me … so … are … you an
undergrad? … Of course you’re an undergrad, you’re in my class.
What I meant to say was, um … do you like shoes? … I mean, um
… what do you think about, um, concrete?" So we are awkward,
uncoordinated and uncouth in front of people we are trying to
impress, while the opposite holds true for the people about whom we
care very little. Why? Why is this the case? Human relationships in
our society have degenerated into a resume exchange, during which
both parties identify the various material possessions that our
society has translated into personal worth. Consequently, we all
wear masks to disguise personal emotions or feelings that may be
looked down upon by society. If you fail to see the point here,
let’s take the example of young twenty-somethings out on a night on
the town. It begins with a phone call: John: "What’s up, bro, it’s
Friday. What do you want to do tonight?" Mike: "Alpha Epsilon Pi,
man. They’ve got a party." John: "All right, give Steve a call and
tell him we’ll pick him up at 10." Mike: "I’ll meet you at your
house in 10 minutes, are you ready?" John: "Dude, I’m just gonna
throw on whatever and go." (NOTE: John has been combing his hair,
bathing in cologne and plucking his eyebrows since his last class
at 2:30 that afternoon.) Mike: "All right then." Again, the key for
all three single men (read, losers) is to make the others think
that this night is insignificant since they have girls crawling all
over them anyway – they merely want a night out with the guys.
(Quick aside: "A night out with the guys" should be interpreted as
follows: "Please help me get laid." In this instance, as with many
others, what is said seldom bears any resemblance to what is felt.
There is no "keeping it real" any more. It has become a necessary
evil to disguise your true self in the interest of occupational
advancement, social acceptance and general popularity. Even though
half of this society is either on Prozac or sees a psychiatrist
twice a week, very little of that is evident in daily human
interaction. We are all, on the surface, seemingly well-adjusted
and content individuals.) Anyway, back to the evening at hand. The
three guys meet and head off to the fraternity house. The guys gawk
at all the beautiful girls just waiting to be swept off their feet.
Once inside, and surrounded by feminine loveliness, the guys are
happy that they chose to wear baggy pants, since some adjustments
need to be made in the nether regions to accommodate for the
"involuntary expansion" that feminine loveliness invariably causes.
Their conversation goes something like this: John: "Man, these
girls are whack, I wouldn’t touch any of them." Steve: "I wouldn’t
do any of these chicks that favor." Mike (hesitates to wipe off his
drool before bellowing): "Yeah, man." This conversation is standard
procedure, despite the fact that all three know what the others are
really thinking. Let’s listen in to their true thoughts: John
(looking upward): "Please, please, for once in my life, give me a
girl." Steve: "Goddamn that girl is hot – all 275 pounds of her."
Mike (weeping): "Ahh … Ach … Ach … Ach … Ahhhhhh." With
smiles on their faces (and tears in their hearts), the three head
over to get a beer. They don’t drink to quench their thirst, or
because of its splendid taste. Rather, by drinking beer, you are
conferred a certain cachet. The beer says, "I am content. I am very
content standing here with my friends and my plastic smile,
drinking pisswater." After all time-fillers have been used, the
real fun begins. The idea here is to see who can come up with the
most imaginative excuse for not wanting to approach beautiful
women. Here, the conversation goes a little something like this:
John: "Go up to her, Steve." Steve: (Adjusting pants for necessary
accommodations): "That chick’s ugly, man." Mike: "I’ve gotta go to
the bathroom guys, be right back." Does Mike indeed have to go to
the bathroom? Well, yes and no. Not in the conventional sense of
No. 1 or 2. Rather, Mike is going to relieve himself in a different
sense – let’s call it No. 3. It’s not a result of drinking too much
beer or eating too many burritos, it’s because of too many low-cut
dresses and tight-fitting shirts. Originally, the point of this
article was to show – through the example of three guys trying to
find girls – the extent to which people in society either lie,
distort, conceal or withhold personal information when it works to
their detriment to reveal it. I conclude with an about-face: One
should lie, distort and conceal. In a world where image, vanity,
public perception and gimmickery are treated with such importance,
it is virtually impossible – if you want to succeed – to "keep it
real." Avi Lidgi Previous Daily Bruin Story Customs vary across the
international dating scene, February 7, 1997