Bruin Talk

Monday, 6/30/97 Bruin Talk TALK: Pondering Bruin pride, the
WNBA, height discrimination, sage advice and a hodge-podge of other
news

Well Bruins, this is my first official column – what that means
I really don’t know. As of now, I’m only writing for the summer …
so if you like what I do, e-mail the Daily Bruin about it, and
we’ll see if I can work my way onto the fall schedule … For those
reading my column, you may recognize, if you had read the Los
Angeles Times sports page, it’s in the style of the late Allan
Malamud … What I’m trying to do is make a coherent mish-mash of
the events and happenings around our campus, L.A. and the world
(which of course revolves around UCLA) … Some may ask, "What
makes me qualified to write this?" That’s something I don’t really
have the answer to … However, I claim to have figured out the
secrets to women, school and life: whether you can handle 12 or 16
units, a job to pay for a date (or rent) and the torment of asking
someone out … And yet I make the same mistakes over and over
again. And life … life really is like a box … of experiences
… (And all my friends thought I was going to say ‘La vida es como
una caja de chocolates …’) The fact is – even though I claim to
be – nobody’s perfect. But it’s those experiences and imperfections
that shape our lives … and just because we don’t have the perfect
relationship or grades doesn’t really mean a thing … it just
means we’re normal … What connects us all are our experiences as
Bruins … Whether you’re still in orientation, summer school or
hold a job on campus, we’re all Bruins, we all bleed the Blue and
Gold, and if you stop for a minute from trying to be an individual,
or only hanging out with a certain "cool" group, you’ll realize
that we have something in common for the next four, five, six or
for some seven years … a bond that will never break … unless of
course you flunk out of school … I hear there’s a University for
Stupid Children downtown… * * * The inauguration of the Women’s
National Basketball Association (WNBA) and the older but lesser
known American Basketball League (ABL), the two professional
women’s basketball leagues, mark the arrival of equal opportunity
in sports … Unfortunately two pro-leagues dilute the wealth of
talent, as witnessed by the sloppy play in the first week of the
WNBA games … Fans and pundits probably expected too much from the
new league, thus causing intense pressure among the players, but
the fact remains eight of the 12 members of the undefeated 1996
U.S. Olympic team play in the ABL … Thus, only one league can
survive: The talent-starved WNBA, or the sponsor-starved ABL …
Michelle Tims of the WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury is likely to emerge as
the first fan favorite … she plays like Jason Kidd, and has the
personality of Dennis Rodman … * * * The ethnic and gender stuff
is all people seem to care about … Unfortunately one minority
group that includes men, women, African Americans, Latinos, Asians
and just about every other ethnic or gender population, is severely
underrepresented … the vertically-challenged … The
vertically-challenged only have Muggsy Bogues, Spud Webb, Michael
J. Fox and Napoleon (but he was a tyrant) to look up or down to …
Too often we watch basketball games where someone 6 feet tall like
John Stockton, Tim Hardaway or Kevin Johnson are addressed as the
"littlest man on the court." The vertically challenged are an
underprivileged minority – emphasis on under – with needs to be
addressed … To combat this problem I would like to see Title IX
and a half on the ballot, and as the sports leader of the world,
it’s up to UCLA to set the trend … Title IX has already been
viewed as a stepping stone towards gender equality in college
sports as women have moved into the professional ranks of the
basketball and boxing world … Three sports that would
revolutionize the sports world are already present at other major
schools, but have mysteriously disappeared from UCLA, like
wrestling and gymnastics … and even horse racing … Horse racing
may be a stretch, but with Hollywood Park so close by, at the
collegiate level it could very well prove to be a successful
gender-blind sport, while at the same time give the
vertically-challenged an advantage … Wrestling … UCLA disbanded
its program in the ’80s, but don’t discount the appeal of women’s
wrestling … in the Midwest, many universities like the University
of Iowa, have been able to put together successful women’s teams
… Serious wrestling lovers and the over-hormonally challenged
would flock to fill Pauley Pavilion … UCLA might even be able to
compete with those Hollywood and airport area joints … Gymnastics
… wait a second … didn’t UCLA have two gymnastics teams that
won championships last year? Yes! Unfortunately the men’s team was
reduced to a club team in 1994, and later disbanded … So, while
the women’s team (that ranges from 4’9" to 5’4") continues to
thrive, the vertically-challenged males no longer have the
opportunity to show off their athletic prowess … * * * Since this
is my first column I would like to start the tradition of the
official no-prize. Believe it or not there are actually things I’m
sure that we are all wondering about, but just don’t know, so
here’s your opportunity to contribute to the knowledge of
studentkind. The first no-prize will go to the first person who can
tell me what the hell "MMMBop" is about … Just e-mail me …
Anyway, till next time … A.J. Harwin Harwin is God’s gift to
women – at least that’s what his grandmother said. He can be
reached at [email protected]