As close as siblings or like distant enemies? Either way, roommates find that compromise is key.

Monday, February 3, 1997

As close as siblings or like distant enemies? Either way,
roommates find that compromise is key.By Linda Yoon

Daily Bruin Contributor

Different tastes in music. Conflicting time schedules. Dirty
dishes in the sink. Loud alarm clocks and peculiar late-night
conversations. These are the details that either make or break
roommate harmony.

A look into roommate life shows that a home away from home isn’t
quite the same with a stranger sharing the hearth. Connie Tran, a
second-year microbiology and molecular genetics student, emphasized
the importance of compromise in cohabitation.

"Everything in this world is about compromise, and living with
roommates teaches you that," Tran said. "I’ve learned to compromise
whereas before I wouldn’t."

Tran currently lives in a Westwood apartment with two roommates,
both of whom she lived with the previous year in Rieber Hall. She
feels that the bonds between roommates can become as strong as
familial ties.

Josh Fine, a second-year history and business administration
specialization student, agrees with the idea of a bond between
roommates. Fine insists he has "the best roommate anyone can ever
have."

"We’re both excessively clean … and he goes home on the
weekends. What could be better?" Fine asked.

Fine enjoys having a roommate because he has learned what he
missed as an only child.

"I never had a brother, never had to deal with anyone," Fine
said. "I’d probably get bored and lonely if I didn’t have a
roommate."

Despite the advantages of roommate life, problems do arise from
the differences innate in every individual, according to Jennifer
Hyun, a second-year psychology student and a resident assistant
(RA) for Sproul Hall.

"There are different expectations in all aspects, such as
different personalities, time conflicts, things like that," Hyun
said. "The main problems occur when people have different
expectations of relationships, of whether they want a friend or
just a roommate."

Hyun explains that first-year students in the dormitories are
paired with strangers while most returning students know who they
will live with.

Either way, Hyun says she encounters an equal amount of
complaints from first-year students and returning residents.

"Most returning students choose who they’re roommates are going
to be, but you don’t know (their habits) until you live it out.
When you actually have to live together, that’s when you know,"
Hyun said.

Rick Murray, resident director (RD) of Rieber Hall, points out
the two different issues of discord between roommates.

The first is a personality issue, dealing with the way a person
is raised. The second is a behavioral issue, ranging from the time
a person wakes up in the morning to allowing an alarm clock to ring
five times before waking.

"The behavioral issues are a lot easier to mediate and come to a
compromise on because people know they have to give and take when
living with roommates," Murray said.

Murray explains that personality issues make it harder for RAs
to intervene because people view things from a different
perspectives.

"Although we’ve tried to educate people and expand their
horizons, often times when I’ve made roommate changes, it’s based
on people who just have fundamentally different views on things,"
he said.

"(They) find it intolerable to live together and are not
necessarily willing to work to see from the other person’s
perspective," he added.

Hyun emphasizes that there are ways to resolve conflict. The
first step is to listen to both sides of a story.

"It’s a serious situation to be away from home, so we try to
find the middle ground," she said. "If not, we take it one step
further and think about roommate change."

Fine has minor conflicts with his roommate, despite the close
friendship between them.

"(The conflicts are about) women. Just women. You just come in
your room and some chick is there, messing everything up, making
the room too hot," Fine said. "When you come in, someone’s doing
the nasty, so you have to go outside and wait, then come back in
half an hour."

Off-campus residents also have conflicts but must depend on
themselves to find a solution. Tran says different attitudes toward
cleanliness have been an issue.

"I don’t like having dishes around, they don’t necessarily have
the time to do the dishes, and I don’t want to clean up after them.
Little things like that," she said.

Also, Tran points out another strife in her off-campus home is
paying bills. She claims there never seems to be enough money, and
deciding who pays what can prove confusing. The biggest problem
they face, however, is time conflict.

"We all have different schedules, different majors, we do
different things," she said.

Without a RA or RD to mediate conflict off-campus, students must
find a happy medium on their own.

"We usually just sit down and talk. We had a talk last quarter
and that really helped," Tran said.

Jenny Weddel, a first-year undeclared student, explains that she
and her roommates have had few arguments, but have all learned to
make satisfactory agreements.

"You have to be a lot more conscious of other people’s space and
you have to know that you’re living with … other people. My desk
tends to be messy, but I’m very conscious of keeping it to my desk
and not letting it spread to my roommate’s area," Weddel said. "You
have to be conscious of other people’s privacy as well."

All problems aside, sharing a space with someone else also makes
room for a person to grow, Hyun said.

"For most people, this is their first time away from home and it
gives them some independence. This is the start of having to deal
with different people. It’s a good learning experience," she said.
"At a big university, you’re like a speck and meeting people is the
hardest thing. Rooming is essential to social integration."