Choosing to stay faithful to yourself

Monday, October 21, 1996

FIDELITY:

Loyalty in a relationship benefits you as much as your partnerBy
Lucy Papillon

Romantic relationships, challenged by conflicting priorities,
desires and interactions have often struggled with: "Is it really
worth sticking it out with one person?"

Fidelity usually has meant only one thing ­ no messing
around. The truth is, fidelity is when whatever two people mutually
agree on is honored.

Fidelity is not what most people assume it is. The word has
completely lost its meaning for many. A promise is not a
prison.

Perhaps you could view it from this perspective. Ask yourself:
"What would be missing if I chose to be unfaithful?" The answer is:
your integrity, your ability to give your partner an authentic
presence. If you think about it, it is not only what you take away
from your partner, but what you rob from yourself.

Magnifying it, fidelity is:

* Faithfulness to your Self in a relationship. That must include
not giving your sense of Self or your Essence away to another (for
example, your core needs, your predilections).

* Devotion to your values, no matter what.

* Loyalty to your heart. If love is there, you know it. If it
isn’t, it is very important not to manufacture it because that kind
of imitation and mutilation of your Self never works in the long
run.

* Allegiance to your integrity.

Fidelity is a leap of faith. It enters the realm of defining
what cannot be defined. Without a doubt, it is the daring of the
Soul to go farther than it can see. Most concretely, it is
positioning yourself out on a limb instead of always having to be
certain, exact, rational and logical first.

Yes, it is taking a risk that this person is worth choosing to
give your commitment to. Fidelity is definitely a conscious
intention, not a "it just happened" incident in your life. It is
deciding to place a part of yourself with another.

Literally, the word comes from the Latin fides, which means a
gut-string for a musical instrument, such as a lyre, lute or harp.
What an image. You give a part of yourself, your "guts" to another
who chooses to play the most heavenly music with it and you both
expand because of it.

Fidelity, according to Mr. Dictionary, is defined as an
emotional attachment without a rational basis, a "self-dedication."
So, without any evidence, you are affirming your trust, belief and
faith in another AND, most importantly, in your Self.

To be faithful, ultimately, is a triumph of the Spirit over the
cravings of the flesh. It is really not an effort when you’ve taken
the time to ask your Self: "What is the most significant act I can
give to a person I care deeply about?" Certainly, it is your love.
What a statement, especially if you also add a sacred sanctity to
the relationship by choosing fidelity without even being asked.

W. Bridges once said, "Genuine beginnings begin within us, even
when they are brought to our attention by external
opportunities."