Should south campus secede from college ‘union’?

Tuesday, May 7, 1996

Let North and South Campus relax and enjoy UCLA

With the recent sweep of this year’s undergraduate elections by
the Students First! "party," I was reminded of the virtual
Republican sweep of the national elections in 1860, which caused
the Southern states to secede from the Union.

In truth, the election of Old Abe reflected the growing
political, economic and cultural differences between the North and
the South, and secession was perhaps the inevitable outcome of
these growing distinctions. (On a side note, I believe that the
Southern secession was constitutionally valid, as prescribed by the
Second Amendment to the Constitution. However, this is an entirely
separate issue and should be saved for future discussion).

I’m not sure if our little election and the new Students First!
dynasty will prompt any type of secession at UCLA, although I can
assume that some campus groups will continue to become even less
involved, and perhaps less recognized, in university student
government than in previous years. In addition, since party
politics on this campus are largely determined by which party hands
out its flyers to the "correctly sympathetic" voters, I am not sure
which side of campus, North or South, would initiate the break.

Nonetheless, these Civil War comparisons with this year’s
undergraduate election reminded me of a division which all students
at UCLA are well aware of but often choose not to discuss. Yes, you
guessed it. I’m referring to the regional divisions and cultural
separations between North Campus and South Campus.

Let’s first look at North Campus. (I myself dwell in this
region, and therefore I am slightly more knowledgeable of North
Campus culture, which unfortunately will mean that I will be
somewhat biased. Additionally, this will mean that I will leave
this campus with some basic conversational skills and a reasonable
amount of social adjustment. I apologize in advance).

The traditional stereotype of North Campus is that it is
populated by free spirits who sit in discussions and contemplate
the mysteries of the social sciences and the merits of political
correctness. Of course, this may be portraying the northern
stereotype in favorable terms. In truth, most claim that North
Campus intellectuals simply are lazy kids who play in the Sculpture
Garden, pull straight C’s, don’t have any Friday classes, protest
anything suspected of not being PC and hang out at LuValle smoking
cigarettes, learning about humanity and looking alternative. I
believe that the actual depiction of North Campus is somewhere in
the middle of these two characterizations.

I must admit, however, that much like the northern region of the
United States, North Campus is a beautiful place. The North (now
that much of the construction is gone) has grass and trees,
beautiful buildings, a good selection of eateries and usually
fairly unstressed people. It is a great place to sit back and relax
and talk to an old friend, and it does make college life a little
more pleasant.

However, especially in the spring, this relaxed atmosphere also
tends to make the actual trip to class much more difficult, which
in turn adds to the not-so-favorable depiction of northern students
as lacking academic seriousness.

Now let’s look at the border region. Much like the border states
during the Civil War, UCLA has its own region that is stuck in the
middle of the two different campuses. The best example of this
border is the psychology department. It is located in Franz Hall,
which is exactly in the middle of the two campuses, and the
classification of the major as belonging to North or South is left
to be debated. And then there is Murphy Hall, which fulfills the
same role as Washington D.C. in many ways, claiming equal
administration for both sides, yet only serving to complicate the
lives of all students in Letters and Sciences, both on North and
South Campus.

And now let’s stroll onto the southern end of our university.
(Since I have little knowledge of South Campus, I am relying on the
information given to me by my friend and roommate, Mike Smith, who
as a microbiology student is one of the most embittered products of
southern life and culture.) To be honest, after speaking with Mike,
I now believe that if either region has the right or reason to
secede, it is South Campus, because the students of the South
really got the shaft.

I mean, come on, where North Campus has beautiful trees and
gothic buildings, South Campus has cement and Boelter Hall. North
Campus has coffeehouses, comfortable eateries with a fireplace and
color TVs; South Campus has the Bomb Shelter, which doesn’t even
have a roof. The only benefit South Campus can claim is that it is
closer to Westwood Village. The powers that be are obviously
smiling on North Campus.

But if you really think about it, why should the South have
these wonderful comforts of life? All that South Campus students
really care about is the "curve" and worrying about partial credit,
and so they probably wouldn’t be able to find the time to enjoy
these amenities. I suppose that this may be a harsh stereotype of
southern students and in truth, most South Campus students study
extremely hard, and this dedication probably pays off with their
final grades. No wait, I forgot. There’s a curve, so most likely
this dedication won’t necessarily pay off for the majority of
students.

On a side note, it seems to me that if all the southern students
would just get together and collectively study a little less, they
might be less stressed and the curve results would be exactly the
same as if they all had studied themselves to death. As a matter of
fact, the whole process is like some sick, perverted arms race in
which everyone builds up their own academic weapons but the status
quo remains intact.

In fact, back to my Civil War comparisons, the competitive
studying on South Campus is much like that "peculiar institution"
of the former Confederate States. It’s evil, it’s wrong and it
tends to control students’ lives. Yet even though southern students
are aware of these dangers, and they are constantly reminded by
North Campus that they should end the practice, preferably to make
more time to smoke and drink gourmet coffee, South Campus tradition
and culture will not allow its students to discontinue their
studying.

I’m not advocating that South Campus should secede from the
College of Letters and Science and from their own distinct college,
or that North Campus is culturally superior to South Campus. I
understand that a bloody civil war would create disastrous
implications for our campus community. North Campus has its faults
as does South Campus, and those who know me claim that I study too
much, as well. But the truth is that a sociology student and a
physics student cannot relate to one another because they each
exist within different cultures and live by vastly different
rules.

Perhaps what I am suggesting is that the Students First! leaders
help to reconnect the North and South cultures by issuing a form of
"emancipation proclamation" to free the South from their bondage of
studying. Perhaps then we can all relax together and enjoy the
entire UCLA campus for all that it has to offer, and save this
university from becoming torn apart as was our great Union so many
decades ago. So good luck Students First!. Let’s see if you can
live up to the legacy of Mr. Lincoln and the Republicans of the
1860s and save our college union.

Burke is a fourth-year political science/history student whose
column appears on alternate Wednesdays. For those of you who would
like to discuss the legitimacy of the Southern secession from the
Union, Burke can be found at José Bernstein’s in Westwood,
Monday through Thursday evenings around dinnertime.