Nicknames add to color, culture of sports world

  Adam Karon Those who want to nickname
Karon can send ideas to [email protected].

Nicknames are as much a part of sports as close calls,
last-minute victories, and corrupt bookies. Nicknames have existed
as long as sports. In fact, a team cannot even exist without a
moniker, some more clever than others.

Imagine a sports world in which we referred to teams by their
city. Before interleague play it might not have been a problem, but
how would a headline look if it read “Chicago defeats Chicago
7-6 in extra innings?”

Some teams would probably be better off without their nicknames.
The University of Ottawa athletes are called Gee-Gees. Sounds like
a set of pastel horseshoe accessories for My Little Pony. And how
about the North Alberta Technical College Ooks? Either the baseball
team makes a lot of errors, or someone misspelled Oaks.

There are two high schools in Illinois that share the
embarrassing nickname of the Pretzels. Students at Freeport High
and New Berlin High are probably tired of hearing mustard jokes and
being asked if they come salted or unsalted.

Some nicknames are ferocious, such as the Sharks, the Pirates or
the Cougars. Others simply fail to inspire fear (see Anaheim Mighty
Ducks or Oregon State Beavers). Still others just do not make
sense. The Texas Christian Horned Frog is actually a lizard, the
Stanford Cardinal is a tree, and there has to be some mistake with
my native UC Santa Cruz claiming the Banana Slug.

Perhaps some teams take on nicknames that will put their
adversaries off guard. There is something comical about saying,
“We’re going to do battle against the mighty
Nimrods” as opponents of Watersmeet High School in Michigan
have done for years.

If playing the Nimrods doesn’t set a team up for defeat, I
don’t know what will. Except, of course, the Sweet Briar
College Vixens, who come from Virginia and will seduce you into
giving up the big one.

Team names clearly do not determine the outcome of a game. How
could a pair of Red Sox, no matter how powerful or odoriferous,
ever defeat a raging Tiger? Or imagine a cute little Cubbie taking
down a big bad Giant (of course, the Cubs never really take down
anyone). As little effect as a team nickname has on a team, the
opposite is true of the individual.

Being tagged with a moniker is a coming of age for athletes. All
the great ones, and even The Great One have them. Some are Magical,
some Sweetness, and others, well, let’s just say others are
Mookie (that’s Blaylock and Wilson).

Some athletes are born needing nicknames. With apologies to
those named Eldrick, Lawrence and Ebby Calvin LaLoosh, as Annie
Savoy says in “Bull Durham,” “Honey, you need a
nickname.” Some guys just weren’t born with sports
names.

That explains why a professional basketball player would call
himself “Bimbo,” as a man born Vernell Coles has done.
Or maybe that inspired a baseball player named Calvin to call
himself “Pokey” Reese.

Some athletes have interesting stories behind their nicknames.
Tiger Woods, who legally changed his name from Eldrick recently,
received his moniker from one of his dad’s friends who was a
soldier in Vietnam. Catfish Hunter enjoyed fishing, and was hooked
with the name before he knew what hit him. Satchel Paige was given
his name because his feet were the size of suitcases. Which reminds
me, try to remember the name Toe Nash, a 19-year-old (also with big
feet) from the sugarcane fields of Louisiana who is going to make
noise in the Devil Rays organization.

Some nicknames, such as the Galloping Ghost (Red Grange) and the
Splendid Splinter (Ted Williams) are majestic. Others are far from
flattering. Boxer Chuck Whepner was called the Bayonne Bleeder, and
third baseman Ron Cey was dubbed the Penguin because of the way he
waddled to first base.

Tennis star Chris Evert was called “The Ice Maiden.”
The never-clever Jim Rome called Rams quarterback (and should-be
Hall of Famer) Jim Everett “Chris,” after the
aforementioned tennis standout. Rome should have been nicknamed
Carl Lewis after the way he ran from an irate Everett after that
episode.

Some nicknames are purposely given because they don’t fit
an athlete. How many of us had large men named “Tiny”
as teammates? Ty Cobb was anything but a “Georgia
Peach,” and I still can’t figure out why my baseball
team called me “Noodle Arm.” Maybe it had something to
with bouncing a few too many throws from second base to first.

It’s interesting to think about who would win battles
between athletes with similar nicknames. Hockey legend Henri
“The Pocket Rocket” Richard would be a good match for
football star Ron “The Polish Rifle” Jaworski. Would
Gary “The Glove” Payton fit on Rollie’s Fingers?
Or could Dr. J have cured Jay Hanna Dean’s
“Dizzy”ness?

UCLA opponents have various nicknames, some of which you might
have heard. Berkeley guard Shantay Legans has been called
“Smurf” because of his stature, but I think he looks
more like a “Webster.”

USC quarterback Carson Palmer came into school as the Great
Reviver, but will probably leave ‘SC as the Lucky Survivor.
Trojan basketball center Sam Clancy has been called Bugs, Peter and
Roger for his rabbit-like front teeth, while Arizona Wildcat
forward Luke Walton is generally known as “Not Even Close to
as Good as Your Father So Thank Goodness You Didn’t Come
Here.”

Wisconsin cornerback Jamar Fletcher will follow Freddie Mitchell
into the NFL, much like he followed him around the football field
during the Sun Bowl, leading to his nickname “Fletcher the
Follower.”

Nicknames are not as easy to produce as one might think. They
must be generated spontaneously. UCLA designated hitter Brian Baron
leads the nation with a .500 batting average and we in the sports
section cannot seem to come up the proper moniker. If you have any
ideas for a guy who goes 2-5 and has his batting average drop,
please send them in. I will be sure to take full credit for your
brilliant ideas.