Talk show ‘truths’ in new age of information alternative information source

Talk show ‘truths’ in new age of information alternative
information source

Ridiculous programs offer comic views

Information. We live in an age of information. Whether an e-mail
addict or a daily reader of the news, we can’t get enough
information. So it is that I, too, am part of this generation of
information junkies. I used to be one of the young that had the
time to read three or four daily papers. But as I grew older, and
gained a family, my time became more and more constrained. So I
switched to weekly news magazines and began to watch the evening
news.

Well, then work got busier, and soon my nights were spent
working also. But luckily, my schedule was such that I had a couple
of hours free in the morning. And that’s when I got hooked. I found
an intravenous way to catch the headlines and at the same time, to
watch what happens around the world. And I’ve decided to share this
finding with you. It’s talk shows. Simple as that.

Whether it be Sally, Montel or Donahue, the talk shows’ day has
come, and I’m proud to be tuned in, turned on and plugged directly
into their pulse. It used to be that a late night news program held
my attention, but I soon realized that news is strictly another
sitcom that sells advertising space. I mean c’mon, the average
telecast went something like this: " … 20,000 people were found
dead after this morning’s fire … and Burt Reynolds is in town!
And now, a word from Maxwell House."

Sure, I tried to watch those PBS news shows, but besides the
fact that they only come on maybe once a week and have no
commercials for me to take a pee-break, or to get a sandwich, let’s
get real: They’re boring! I mean, does anyone really care that
cutting down the rain forest will ruin our oxygen supply? I
certainly don’t. Oprah had an interview with Michael Jackson, and
Barbara had Garth.

And that whole genocide thingie over in Rwanda, what’s the big
deal? So a few hundred thousand people bit the big one. According
to that "Bell Curve" author when he was on "Donahue," blacks aren’t
as smart, and the massacres over there just proved it. Ask that
Dave fella’ who was on the "Montel Williams Show," and he’ll tell
you the same thing. ‘Course, he also married his mother after his
father ran off with the dog and the tractor, so he may be a little
bit touched in the head. Bitchin’ tattoos, though.

I mean, I’m not racist or anything, but watching these talk
shows just proves all those clichés. I have yet to see someone
from the South who hasn’t been with a close relative. And why don’t
they get their teeth fixed? Since they’re on welfare and get free
dental care, you’d think they would get it taken care of. After
all, it’s the wealthy who live in New York and Californians who pay
for welfare recipients. And the illegal aliens, they should take
advantage of welfare rather than buy beer and drugs. And they
should all be sterilized, too; after all, they’re just going to
sell their kids for more drug money. Don’t believe me? Just turn on
Ms. Lake’s show and she’ll tell you the truth.

Then there are those mixed couples that seem to ruin the whole
of society by having so many children. But at least there are good
solid Christian folk who will help them go to heaven. Oops, my
mistake. I was thinking of those good Christian folk who help the
abortion doctors go to heaven. But those damn heathens deserve it.
The leader of the pro-life Operation Rescue, that intelligent guy
with the glasses who took the fetus out of the Tupperware container
on national television, told me so. And with that past experience
as a used car salesman, he’s great at pimping his view the same
way.

And let’s talk about all these homosexuals. They are everywhere
these days aren’t they? Or at least some of them are; the rest seem
to be hiding out in every closet in the country. Thanks to these
shows, though, when my parents finally admit that they are gay and
are ready for that nipple ring and piercing in the nose, I will be
ready and supportive. And who knows, maybe they can help me
understand my own confusion, that I didn’t know I had, with regard
to my own sexuality. I mean, did you know that you should start
masturbating at the age of 6? Marilyn Kagan’s guest told me that
one, and she was an expert in her field.

Talk shows, to some, are an evil that should be abolished, but
where else in the media do you get such a solid representation of
what really happens with the people who live and breathe around us?
It is only through the sound bites and truth in advertising that
talk shows exist.

If the nightly news wasn’t such a fake, then maybe the American
people wouldn’t have spoken so loudly, and the talk shows wouldn’t
have taken over. But we wanted the truth, and thankfully, it has
arrived.

Reardon is a third-year philosophy student. His column appears
on alternate Mondays.Comments to [email protected]