Universities can guarantee an education, not a job

Universities can guarantee an education, not a job

By James Lebakken

I feel the need to defend my major after the disservice Chris
Gregory’s article has done to the English department at UCLA
("Paradox: evolution and the English major," Jan. 9). As
well-written as we are known to be, I’d be surprised if others from
the English department don’t also chime in. Comments here will be
held to uncharacteristic brevity.

Even though the essay is a convoluted, nihilistic mess of
Stipesque shopping lists and very little substance, I sense that
Chris is asking the oft uttered question, "Why a degree in
English?"

I’ll avoid the obvious discussion of a future in medicine or
acceptance to law school. I won’t go the Philip Sidney route. I
won’t even make an argument for going beyond a simple cataloguing
of authors, as he does, and urge that he accept the communication
and analytical skills that the major can provide an attentive
student.

Outside a professor’s office in Rolfe Hall I spied two cartoons.
One was a depiction of hell in which the new arrivals were saying,
"I recognize this place from my Renaissance art class," to which a
minor demon corrects, "the job market." The other cartoon had two
gents in business attire acting as scarecrows in a field and
concurring that they were both English majors. Poignant? Perhaps.
But if you despair over the reality of the joke then you are
probably missing the underlying truth.

If you’re at UCLA trying to convert your education into a career
I have a few words of advice. You’d be more economically served
going to ITT or DeVry. I’ve also heard it said that the English
major is good preparation for "Jeopardy." If you are a three-day
champ, you might break even. Again, you’d be better served
elsewhere. I find The New York Public Library Desk Reference and a
Rand McNally World Atlas to be adequate.

Point: try getting from school the only thing a university can
truthfully guarantee: an education. I know that for those of you
assured of job placement this may sound a bit too old-world to
accept, but it’s the truth and you’d be gullible in this day and
age to allow anyone, including the school you pay to attend, to
convince you otherwise. Pay me a few thousand dollars and I’ll tell
you anything you want to hear, as well.

I’ve got to wonder if Mr. Gregory has actually done the reading.
If so, why does he so blindly buy into the myths? "A man becomes
the thing he does," speaks Peter Boyle, rather erroneously, in Taxi
Driver. But is that truly how we define ourselves or just how
society will if we allow them such domain? Is it possible that a
person is what the individual knows and not just an occupation and
title?

Ultimately, the only employment here is for one’s mind. And for
Chris, I have a number I suggest he calls before he drowns in
self-pity: 5-HELP.

Lebakken is a junior English student.