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winter 2024

A Change of Seasons

BY SID FRANCIS // SID FRANCIS

17: OK OK, I know we’ve had it rough the past few months, but I think you all need to start thinking positively. We just had a birthday, we’re academically thriving and we’ve never been more capable athletically! I’ve made life SO easy for you people, what could you have POSSIBLY done to mess it up? 18: One word: PANDEMIC, and don’t give yourself so much credit, 17. You’ll see how much fun it is to rot in your room during what is supposed to be the epic and emotional conclusion to your childhood. Remember, this is our senior year, and spoiler alert: it’s not looking promising. And where are we even going?? 19: Forward. 18: Real philosophical, college boy. 19: OK, so things were a little rough. Life is fine now, sorta. Oregon to California may have been the push we needed for us to be the slightest bit more self-sufficient. I mean, I feel a little happier for once. 20: Yeah, college boy, not to rain on your parade, but you’re about to go through a breakup. So have fun with that. 17, 18, 19: … 20: Sorry, Mom is back in the hospital.
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17: Well, it’s Christmas time — this should make you all feel better. 18: If not for the worst depression of our life, it just might. 17: Why, what happened to you? 18: Well, for one, applying for college has drained everything out of me. I feel further away from my friends and family than I have ever before, and I’m finding fewer and fewer things to feel excited or happy about… 19: Yeah, I mean being home felt nice, especially after being away for so long, but then those feelings started building up again. I think it’s the darkness outside and the cold. I think Christmas only makes the first few weeks of winter “magical.” Everything else feels draining and almost lifeless. 20: This was definitely the worst winter in a while. Home feels different now. School feels different. It’s suffocating. Things haven’t felt the same in a while, and I’m wondering if they ever will. 19: Dang, that’s reassuring.
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17: This pandemic you guys have been talking about finally hit, but things are nice. There’s more time with the family, and I’ve picked up some new tricks and hobbies. I’ve never had so much free time. This will pass in no time, right? 18, 19, 20: … 18: Well, maybe? Things seem to be turning around for me, at least somewhat. I just got accepted into my dream school, and I think I’m feeling happier - the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. 20: Good for you, 18! 18: Thanks, but still, I feel like I’m going to do something to mess it up somehow. This feels too good to be true. 19: That feeling doesn’t go away, but don’t stress too much. You deserve to feel happy. Ride that feeling, cuz things are still up and down all the time. 20: Honestly, I still don't know how to ride that wave, but I think I’m getting better. Finding at least one good thing that happens to me each day helps. At least, most of the time. Sometimes, it just helps me appreciate the little things that bring me joy that I tend to forget about. Like, I don’t know, seeing a hummingbird or watching a bee pollinate. It sounds dumb, but it helps me feel grounded, in a way.
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17: I kinda see what you guys were talking about now. This pandemic thing is lasting a lot longer than I thought, and from what I’m hearing from you guys, it’s gonna get worse. 18: A lot worse, as it turns out. I’m leaving in a few months, and I even felt happy for a little while. But Mom just told us something - something that’s been going on for a while. Now, the world looks different - darker. Suddenly, I wish it was just us and the family all over again, like at the beginning of the pandemic when I thought everything would be OK because we were together. 19: I’ll be honest; the impact of what she told us is still here, and now it’s worse because I don’t know how anything will turn out. I don’t even know how to trust happy feelings anymore. I don’t feel safe anywhere. When I’m at home, I miss school. But when I’m at school, it doesn’t feel like home either. 20: It’s a strange feeling, for sure. I still have no idea what I’m doing and don’t know what’s in store for the future. But for once, I’m not 100 percent bothered by that. Things normally end up working out for the best, even if it isn’t exactly what we imagined. The things that can change and happen in a year look different for all of us, but we still made it. Don’t be scared. We've been through worse, and we have each other. 21 looks on smiling and waving.
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Sid Francis