"So, are you a lesbian?"
Nicole’s heart skipped a beat in the backseat of the Uber. She was sitting in the gridlock traffic surrounding SoFi Stadium, right after attending Taylor Swift’s "The Eras Tour." Looking to split the cost of the pricey rideshare back to Westwood, Nicole had reached out to fellow Bruins on WeChat – a messaging app popular among Chinese international students at UCLA. But after a night of shared pop music escapism, her carpool-mate suddenly had questions.
"Are you a lesbian or bisexual?" the stranger asked. "I can feel it because I’m bisexual. I know that you’re the same."
Before she knew it, Nicole was openly chatting about her sexuality. It was a freeing sensation – one she had never felt back home in China.
That post-concert connection introduced Nicole to UCLA’s LGBTQ+ international community. For many LGBTQ+ international students like Nicole, their time at UCLA has opened space to embrace their identities. But as these Bruins seek opportunities to express their authentic selves, they often encounter feelings of exclusion on campus due to their multifaceted identities.
According to UCLA enrollment data, 9% of undergraduates are international students, hailing from 106 countries collectively. For many international Bruins, Los Angeles provides new opportunities, and for third-year statistics student Nicole, who requested a pseudonym because she is not openly lesbian to everyone in her life, this space means exploring her sexuality.
Growing up in Guangzhou, China, Nicole has identified as lesbian since childhood. The realization clicked when a middle school classmate asked her to be girlfriends, and the thought of being in a relationship with another girl immediately felt right. However, Nicole only came out to her family after starting at UCLA, thousands of miles away from the social stigma many LGBTQ+ people have to navigate in China.
Other students have also felt safe enough to come out since becoming Bruins. For Nube, a fourth-year geography student from Lima, Peru, who requested a pseudonym for fear of hate crimes based on her identity if she returned home, UCLA has provided an environment to experiment with how she presents herself.
"I came out actually recently," Nube said. "I always knew that I was queer. I did not come out officially, officially in Peru because I didn’t know how to say it. And then I actually was able to open myself to have non-straight relationships when I came here."
Nube said the threat of gender-based and queerphobic violence in Peru created pressure to appear feminine to pass as heterosexual. When in Peru, she worries over her presentation and fears harassment every time she steps out of her house, she explained. However, since becoming a Bruin, she said she has found the words to describe her identity and has felt comfortable enough to express the parts of herself she once hid.
Despite feeling a newfound acceptance in many aspects of their lives since moving to LA, many LGBTQ+ international students like Nube said they still experience xenophobia because of their international identities. As she began connecting with other LGBTQ+ Bruins, Nube said she felt that she did not belong because of her different cultural references.
"I felt like I was not going to be able to be understood from my background and be able to relate to some people – not on the basis of being queer but on the basis of nationality," Nube said.
Fellow international Bruins have faced similar challenges forming connections in dedicated LGBTQ+ spaces. When Sin-Yen, a first-year social sciences graduate student who requested partial anonymity for fear of harassment from other Chinese students, initially arrived at UCLA, she attended an event held by the UCLA LGBTQ Campus Resource Center. Even among a racially diverse group of participants, Sin-Yen, who is from Chongqing, China, said she noticed that she was the only international student.
"I think the activity is for native California students," Sin-Yen said. "I’m the only international student there, so I kind of feel odd."
Sabrina Ellis, a third-year English student from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, said they have struggled to find an on-campus community that accepts both their queerness and international background. For example, last year, they wrote for OutWrite, a queer-focused, student-run newsmagazine under UCLA Student Media. But Ellis explained that their international identity quickly led to feeling othered.
Ellis proposed an OutWrite article that argued that the term "Latinx" inherently excludes Spanish and Portuguese speakers who may find the term more difficult to pronounce. Ellis said that the article, which advocated for alternate gender-neutral terms, faced opposition from an OutWrite editor, who allegedly worried that the article opposed transgender inclusion and neo-pronouns. Ellis said they left the publication after the incident, partially attributing their departure to feeling undervalued as an international student.
"They started invalidating me at every turn," Ellis said. "Like, do you actually care about what an immigrant – someone who didn’t grow up here – wants to say?"
OutWrite editor-in-chief Rainer Lee said in a written statement that he disagrees with the previous editor’s conduct toward Ellis. Lee began serving as editor-in-chief in June 2023 after Ellis left the publication.
"Our goal for OutWrite this year has been to publish more articles engaging with intersectional queer issues," Lee said in a written statement. "We believe in amplifying voices from all corners of the queer community because we all have unique experiences with and perspectives on power. … This desire to spotlight all queer experiences, of course, includes the experiences of queer international students, especially when discussions of queerness are unfortunately centered around white Western nations like the U.S."
University entities across campus are also seeking to better include the perspectives of LGBTQ+ international Bruins. According to assistant director Kevin Goodman, UCLA’s LGBTQ center strives to provide a safe space for LGBTQ+ students of every origin. He explained in a written statement that scholarships, paid internships and opportunities to connect with other students are available for LGBTQ+ students regardless of national origin or documentation status. To connect with international students, the LGBTQ Center’s outreach team tables at on-campus events, Goodman added.
"Beyond the range of romantic, sexual, and gender identities and expressions, members of our community can be found in every other community and constituency at UCLA and across the world," Goodman said in the written statement. "We look forward to supporting and partnering with future student-lead campus organizations, events, and initiatives that center the wide diversity of LGBTQ+ international student experiences at UCLA."
When students like Ellis face exclusion in LGBTQ+ spaces, they sometimes look to international communities on campus for support. However, much like in LGBTQ+ spaces, they still may face exclusion.
"Because then the place that I’m supposed to belong in, in the Brazilian kind of groups, I feel like being queer sets me a little apart from them," Ellis said. "But then in queer spaces, I feel like being Brazilian sets me apart."
Nicole chooses to connect with other Chinese international students by networking on platforms like WeChat and joining casual organizations such as her table tennis group. However, Nicole said she rarely opens up about her sexuality to her Chinese international peers. Once, she made friends with a male Chinese student and felt comfortable enough to come out to him. Upon learning that she is a lesbian, he swiftly ended the friendship. Such interactions have left her wary of being openly LGBTQ+ in Chinese spaces, she explained.
While navigating the complexities of student organizations at UCLA, LGBTQ+ international students also find themselves dealing with bittersweet homesickness. In some cases, students long for not only the tastes and sounds of their hometowns but for their previous LGBTQ+ communities.
In Chongqing, Sin-Yen felt at home within a network of LGBTQ+ organizers. She said she misses the camaraderie that came from fighting for the LGBTQ+ community’s very existence and added that she has not found the same invigorating bonds at UCLA.
"Rights for LGBTQ people in America is far more well-developed than in China," Sin-yen said. "In China, we still have to fight for those equalities – like the right to marriage and child adoption, also to HIV protection, the medical care. We don’t have that still, so I think it’s harder to be gay in China than in the United States."
Ana, a third-year STEM student who requested a pseudonym because of the possibility of her family learning her sexuality and ostracizing her, left behind a tight-knit LGBTQ+ friend group in Brazil by becoming a Bruin. Supported by peers who were already out or questioning their own sexuality, Ana came out to her friends when she was 15. Queerness was never looked down upon in their friend group, Ana explained – even her straight friends understood LGBTQ+ culture to the point that queerness was the standard within their little community. She said that at UCLA, she now misses the comfort of her friends and how it felt so easy to belong back home.
"I do like being here outside of my country, but I thought that I was going to have more freedom to be myself," Ana said. "But at the end, I feel like it’s been weirdly the other way around."
Ju Hui Judy Han, an assistant professor of gender studies who identifies as queer, said it is problematic to assume that some countries outside of the U.S. are always less accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals. Han immigrated to Orange County, California, from South Korea at the age of 12 and said she has considered Korea, America and Canada to have all been home at one point. Han described any given country’s attitudes toward queerness as being non-monolithic.
"Asian Americans might think, ‘Oh, wow, you’re from China. It must be so oppressive,’ automatically," Han said. "Like, ‘Oh, you’re gay. And you’re from Korea. Wow, that must be so hard.’ Like, maybe, maybe not."
Similar to Nube and Sin-Yen, Han said they have felt distanced from potential LGBTQ+ connections because of their intersectional identity. Han also emphasized the value of asking students about where they belong – not just where they feel excluded.
"I don’t always feel like I belong in queer spaces or spaces that are marked as LGBTQ spaces," Han said. "I might actually have more in common with straight Koreans."
For some LGBTQ+ international students, the differing cultures of their homes in the U.S. and abroad can create difficult decisions when deciding post-graduation plans.
Nube and Nicole have each decided to stay in the United States. Besides feeling like she has to hide her identity from her parents, Nube said she also fears becoming a victim of potential homophobic hate crimes. She is currently researching the transportation habits of LGBTQ+ international students at UCLA to raise awareness of the struggles they might face acclimating to LA. Nicole also hopes to settle down in California and raise a family with her girlfriend. She said that moving back to China would mean hiding her partner from her father, and she cannot live with that double life.
Sin-Yen is much more open to returning to her home country and fellow Chinese activists, despite the social stigma she might face as a lesbian. She said her priority is finding work she likes, and her sexuality does not dictate her future home.
Whether striving to build the LGBTQ+ community in LA or returning to LGBTQ+ communities abroad, these international students each see their own paths toward kinship. To Han, LGBTQ+ international students do not have to be invited into formal queer spaces to make meaningful community bonds.
"I think community just for me means being able to relate to people beyond yourself and to know that your experiences and your joy and your grief – all these things can potentially be shared," Han said. "And as long as you can have that, as long as you can count on at least one more person or two, I would count that as community support."