{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-article-tsx","path":"/primekristinprayerandpride","result":{"data":{"primeArticle":{"slug":"prime.kristin.prayerandpride","excerpt":"LGBTQ Christians explore their sexuality in relation to their religion, finding ways to practice both in seemingly disparate communities. These Bruins share their challenging experiences and how they were able to grow confident with each identity coexisting.","headline":"Prayer and Pride","author":"Kristin Snyder","authorbio":"Kristin Snyder is second year English major minoring in digital humanities.","authoremail":"ksnyder@dailybruin.com","authortwitter":"@ksnyder_db","coverimg":"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.tucker3.NT-ccecb44bbcd7af09c339a8f683090338.jpg","covercred":"Niveda Tennety","coveralt":"A photo of Tucker, one of the LGBTQ students featured in this story, backlit against the light of a stained glass window, at church.","articleType":"article","updated":null,"content":[{"type":"text","value":"Romans 15:7: “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”"},{"type":"text","value":"According to the Open and Affirming Coalition of the United Church of Christ, an advocacy group for LGBTQ people within the church, this verse serves as the basis for the concept of an open and affirming congregation – one that doesn’t just welcome queer individuals to attend their services, but asserts that God loves and embraces them."},{"type":"text","value":"People who identify as queer and religious are often considered to be at a crossroads, as if they must choose between two seemingly disparate communities. And Christianity tends to center around the concept of community. From retreats to prayer groups to worship nights, the church often acts as a means for Christians to come together, an entity separate from the secular world. This community is meant to be a place of healing, of companionship and of support."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.James1.NT-f2829a24984113f61307fc7f5fff35ec.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Niveda Tennety\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Some people find their place in the Christian community despite not fitting preconceived notions of what a Christian might look like. Affirming churches offer the LGBTQ community not just a place to call home, but a space they can feel bolstered in both aspects of their identity."},{"type":"text","value":"Many queer Christians find they must come to terms with their own religion outside of an institutionalized setting, finding community through other queer Christians they know will accept them. Others are able to reconcile their beliefs within an institutional setting and still celebrate their sexuality. Either way, religion remains a highly intimate, personal experience for these UCLA students."},{"type":"subheading","value":"{\"name\":\"Tucker\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Growing up, Tucker Moses-Hanson spent Tuesdays at choir practice, Wednesdays at youth group and Sundays at Sunday school."},{"type":"text","value":"The fourth-year religion and Middle Eastern studies student’s primary social integration took place within their church. Their older brother and parents were highly involved with their Pennsylvania congregation, and Moses-Hanson accompanied them on mission trips and retreats – it was just part of being in their family."},{"type":"text","value":"But what were once fun family trips transformed as they traveled with their friends instead of their family. Retreats and youth group took on more gravitas as they reached middle school and high school, now featuring a sudden pressure to reaffirm one’s reliance upon God."},{"type":"text","value":"There was still the characteristic group worship and discussion, but what struck Moses-Hanson was the long stretches of time intended for personal reflection, meant not for having fun and building a community but rather for communing with God and examining oneself. Each year highlighted a different aspect of oneself to dwell upon, ranging from general platitudes to career paths to personal relationships."},{"type":"text","value":"________________"},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.tucker2.NT-7e35709f1bcecc086fb0364aa2fcb28a.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Niveda Tennety\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Moses-Hanson often visited Lake Champion, a retreat center in the Catskill Mountains, where they were unaware if there were other queer people. Returning to the same retreat center year after year, they felt as if they were constantly returning to their old self – the same person they had been over the past six years attending retreat. They were stuck."},{"type":"text","value":"Their queerness was already beginning to cause a sense of internal separation from their church community, and being encouraged to look within only drew attention to this perceived difference. Such isolation was formative to Moses-Hanson’s growth, especially at such a critical moment in their formation of an identity."},{"type":"text","value":"Without a community to turn to for guidance, Moses-Hanson said they often felt disjointed from a rational sense of self, instead turning to extreme thought processes exaggerated by the retreat setting. In college, they went on retreats in Idyllwild, California, with Cru, a Christian group on campus. The topic of discussion that first year? Sacrifice – what would you be willing to give up for Christ?"},{"type":"text","value":"For Moses-Hanson, this question turned not to material goods but to their internal state. They had begun to explore a more queer-affirming theology in high school, delving into dense scholarly texts such as James Brownson’s “Bible, Gender, Sexuality,” which considers how the verses that are interpreted as anti-LGBTQ apply to the modern world. But they felt as if leaning toward such theologies could be interpreted as choosing themself over God."},{"type":"text","value":"In particular, they said Christianity’s common rhetoric surrounding new creation and transformation made them feel as if some sort of personal sacrifice or transformation was necessary for them to better serve God. For them, such language translated to potentially giving up their sexuality."},{"type":"text","value":"“I feel like a lot of Christianity feeds off really extreme statements,” they said. “That it really does want to be culture-shifting,  and I think that (culture shift) can be disproportionately placed on queer individuals who already see themselves as sites of cultural contestation.”"},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.tucker3.NT-ccecb44bbcd7af09c339a8f683090338.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Niveda Tennety\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"But as they came to terms with their sexuality, Moses-Hanson said it became important to also explore it in relation to their religion. For them, however, their personal theology became a matter of interpreting the text; delving into the passage led them to understand the Bible in a way that affirmed their queerness need not be sacrificed."},{"type":"pull","value":"{\"caption\":\"Just the testament of lived experience is incredibly life-affirming for people who often see themselves as the only queer person in their religious group.\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Deciding which sources to rely on was a matter of choice – one which incorporated intense research. Sources of authority shifted from those around them – pastors, parents, peers – to texts and theologians, such as Matthew Vines. Moses-Hanson could not simply reconsider this one aspect of their theology; they had to examine both affirming and nonaffirming theology, as well as topics outside of sexaulity. Choosing an affirming theology meant choosing to distrust the very community that had taught them Christianity."},{"type":"text","value":"But despite focusing on scholarly studies, Moses-Hanson said the concept of a community remained important, as it is a central aspect of communal worship."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.tucker4.NT-5fa09b2cd894bd80126a4329e1a6b802.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Niveda Tennety\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Prism, in particular, served as a support system, as they found larger campus organizations, such as Cru, to be more isolating. Moses-Hanson said some members of Prism grew up in the church and are queer, but their background discouraged them from interacting with a larger queer community. Within Prism, members can partake in both the Christian community and the queer community. And while it is important to examine texts and personal interpretation, Moses-Hanson said it is just as important to spend time with others in a community – a resource they didn’t have growing up."},{"type":"text","value":"“I think just the practice of being with other queer people of faith (creates a support system),” they said. “Just the testament of lived experience is incredibly life-affirming for people who often see themselves as the only queer person in their religious group.”"},{"type":"subheading","value":"{\"name\":\"James\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"For some, coming to faith is a matter of delving into the texts. For others, an affirming faith stems from finding what feels right internally."},{"type":"text","value":"James, a second-year microbiology, immunology, and molecular genetics student who identifies as pansexual and queer, also grew up in a Christian household. He went to preschool in a Presbyterian church, attended youth group and was the leader of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at his high school – faith was integral to his identity."},{"type":"text","value":"So, when he began to gain an awareness of his sexuality his freshman year of high school, he said he wrested internally with the concept for many years. The concept of brokenness, in particular, was pervasive for James. His religion and his sexuality felt as if they were at war with each other, sentiments he said stemmed from growing up being taught that one was wrong."},{"type":"text","value":"“I felt like I had to choose between my sexuality and my faith,” James said. “I felt very close to my faith, so this was a very heartbreaking process.”"},{"type":"text","value":"When he came out to his father at 18, James was convinced he was destined for hell. But his father’s response came as a surprise – his father affirmed him, assuring him that he was okay, and that his creator still loved him."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.james2.NT-27f6407e5f5f48091a1871b47c8c4b3a.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Niveda Tennety\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"And it was the reassurance of people such as his father that brought him peace. Once at UCLA, James occasionally attended InterVarsity Bruin Christian Fellowship’s worship nights, and one night in January 2018, a girl who lived on his floor approached him at the event. She said God had told her that he had been with James since the beginning and would remain by his side into the future. That he was proud of James. And as James walked home that night, the song “Hey Jesus” by Trey Pearson – a gay Christian artist who wrote the track about his experience grappling with his sexuality – came on as James played regular pop music on Spotify."},{"type":"pull","value":"{\"caption\":\"I feel like in that moment of tension, we grow as people, and I feel like that tension has forced me to think critically about who I am, what I believe, what I want out of life.\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"For James, the moment felt as if God was reaching out to him. That he did not want to see James as others wanted him to be but instead loved him as he is."},{"type":"text","value":"And in his journal, in response to what was on his heart, James wrote: “And for that, Jesus, I want to know you too.”"},{"type":"text","value":"Music continues to be integral to his worship experience, as he personalizes his music-based worship to his mood, such as if he wants something upbeat or a song to bring him peace. Contemporary Christian music from bands like Hillsong UNITED stand out to him, such as “So Will I” and “Stay and Wait.” Those songs, among tracks from other bands, have brought comfort in moments in which he feels distant from God."},{"type":"text","value":"James said he now believes his sexuality has been integral to strengthening his faith. Because he no longer fits into the box many institutionalized faiths want him to, he said his queerness forces him to reflect and ask questions he might not otherwise have felt compelled to ask. And as he grows in his faith, he said he bases decisions on if his spirituality feels authentic and Christlike based on his experiences, or if it is simply influenced by those around him."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.james3.NT-8ad78c9f908c42db8048333be8e5de0a.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Niveda Tennety\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"But he doesn’t want to cast stones at those who led him to feel such tension, as he said he believes it is important to try and bridge the rift between the two communities. James isn’t ignorant to the politics surrounding institutionalized faith. In fact, it’s such politics that make him feel compelled to show others how that perceived pressure can be mitigated."},{"type":"text","value":"“I feel like in that moment of tension, we grow as people, and I feel like that tension has forced me to think critically about who I am, what I believe, what I want out of life, and has driven my path of what does my spirituality looks like,” James said. “I do feel like those things don’t have to contradict each other, and there's a huge relief in coming to that conclusion.”"},{"type":"subheading","value":"{\"name\":\"Rachel\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Rachel Dobbs rarely attended mass growing up – twice a month at best, she said."},{"type":"text","value":"Youth group and Bible studies – plus a short stint in confirmation classes – weren’t integral in the second-year psychology student’s adolescence. With a limited church community, she said she began to grow suspicious of her belief in God around her sophomore year of high school – something most teenagers experience, she said. But at the same time, she also began to question her sexuality. Not only was she internally wrestling with her religion, but now she also had this new, unfamiliar issue to contend with."},{"type":"text","value":"And her internal struggle manifested within her external life. On days she particularly struggles to feel loved by God, she has difficulty feeling loved by others in her life, emphasizing a sense of isolation."},{"type":"text","value":"But for Dobbs, her concept of religion and her concept of her sexuality primarily emerged as two distinct, separate entities. Figuring out her sexuality was more externalized, as Dobbs said she was more concerned with how the people in her life – mainly, her parents and her friends –  would react to the news. That struggle had less to do with her relationship with God as with her relationship with others, she said."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.prime.rachel.KM.1-b4ee558c3b0ac40cd773509377eafe29.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Kanishka Mehra\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Coming out to her parents was particularly stressful, she said, because at the time she witnessed a close friend come out to parents who used religion to denounce his sexuality. As she told her parents about her friend’s experience, she cried and asked what they would do if she was coming out to them. But they reassured her that they would love her no matter what, which helped her in the process of coming out."},{"type":"text","value":"As for religion: They said it was between God and her."},{"type":"text","value":"By her senior year of high school, Dobbs said she was fairly comfortable with both her religion and her sexuality. Her process of finding religion, however, was much more internalized."},{"type":"text","value":"“Because faith is such a huge topic, that's something I'm going to grow in probably forever. I feel like my identity is just there and it's done for now unless something changes, and I don’t know if it will,” she said. “Right now, I’m pretty good with the label I’ve chosen for myself and how I choose to express myself.”"},{"type":"text","value":"Now, she takes two paths to coming to a queer theology: listening to LGBTQ people discuss their experiences and self-reflection. For the former, Dobbs said everything she had studied led her to believe that God exists, that she is queer and God loves her. Examining the work of scholars such as Kathy Baldock, who discussed historical translations and the development of the word “homosexuality” within modern translations of the Bible, and Rachel Held Evans, who wrote about the right of LGBTQ people to exist within Christian spaces. Being exposed to such theology was a striking experience for Dobbs."},{"type":"text","value":"“I’m just a lot more comfortable and confident in each of those identities coexisting, and I don’t have to pander to one more than the other,” she said."},{"type":"text","value":"Now, Dobbs said she would absolutely call herself Christian – but that aspect of her identity continues to evolve. It requires more introspection as she reads the Bible and theological ideas to determine how they impact her religion, she said."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.prime.rachel.KM.2-1c93ba290167da75c621da2dab57d07a.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Kanishka Mehra\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"“All of those things together are existing, which goes against the narrative I hear a lot. When you have your Christian friends, not many ... are queer, and then (with) your queer friends, usually none of them are Christian,” she said. “They have been pitted against each other.”"},{"type":"text","value":"In high school, Dobbs said much of her community was separated, with many of her friends coming out as queer while her Christian friends remained in another group. She wanted a united community, but thought it was unlikely. So she went to different people depending on her needs. If she needed to discuss her sexual identity, she went to her LGBTQ friends; if she needed to discuss religion, she went to her Christian friends."},{"type":"text","value":"In college, however, that changed. After being admitted to UCLA, she attended pride admit weekend, where she was introduced to the various LGBTQ organizations on campus. Attracted to Prism’s openness to multiple faiths, she said she immediately felt drawn to the group, and she enjoyed coming to her own conclusions about the texts instead of simply being told what they mean. Now, her two identities don’t have to exist within separate communities."},{"type":"pull","value":"{\"caption\":\"I’m just a lot more comfortable and confident in each of those identities coexisting, and I don’t have to pander to one more than the other.\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Finding a connected community in which she can have these conversations has made her more comfortable with both her identities, especially when seeing people older than her. With Prism, she has attended the annual Q Christian Fellowship conference, at which she has witnessed people with life experiences ranging from discovering their sexuality in their 60s to people who didn’t discover their queerness until they were 30 with kids. But these people didn’t lose their religion or their sexuality – which gives Dobbs hope for the future."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"sample\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/prime.kristin.prayerandpride/web.prime.rachel.KM.4-e062789cacd8471d9f429571e773598d.jpg\",\"credit\":\"Kanishka Mehra\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"“My identity in Christ as well as my identity with the LGBTQ community, they aren't just tentatively coexisting, but they will continue coexisting throughout my life,” she said."},{"type":"text","value":"———"},{"type":"text","value":"The tension existing between the LGBTQ community and the Christian community is not without reason, of course. The church is not universally accepting of the queer community, with the Southern Baptist Convention and the Roman Catholic Church both opposing the Equality Act, a bill which expands nondiscrimination laws to incorporate gender identity and sexuality. The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod still states that same-sex marriage contradicts God’s intention."},{"type":"text","value":"But those who identify as both queer and Christian are nevertheless able to examine their relationship with God on their own terms, reclaiming a space that often aims to isolate them."},{"type":"text","value":"For Moses-Hanson, that meant interpreting the texts on their own. For James, that meant reassurance that God loved him. For Dobbs, that meant seeing others like her to know that she could be okay."},{"type":"text","value":"They have all found a community within which they can find a place to celebrate both their sexuality and their religion – any perceived tension need not exist."},{"type":"text","value":"“I feel blessed and queer, not because it’s an easy path,” James said. “But because it’s a path that challenges me to be in touch with my creator, and at the end of the day – regardless of my sexuality – I desire to be in touch with my creator.”"}]}},"pageContext":{"term":"spring19","slug":"prime.kristin.prayerandpride"}},"staticQueryHashes":[]}