{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-article-tsx","path":"/laurenimpostersyndrome","result":{"data":{"primeArticle":{"slug":"lauren.impostersyndrome","excerpt":"\"As a minority, you feel pressured to do something spectacular.”","headline":"The Imposter","author":"Lauren Campbell","authorbio":"","authoremail":"","authortwitter":"","coverimg":"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/lauren.impostersyndrome/COVERARTimpostersyndrome.cover-af08c6e81ea1c72ed8eac33c7852ae92.png","covercred":"Claire Sun","coveralt":"Editorial lllustration by Sun of shadowy figures looking down upon a single student to symbolize feelings of imposter syndrome.","articleType":"article","updated":null,"content":[{"type":"text","value":"In spring 2019, I walked onto my high school campus feeling the greatest sense of security I had experienced in the three and a half years I had attended."},{"type":"text","value":"I was beaming. I had just been accepted to UCLA, a school I had scoffed at only a year earlier for being overly selective. Yet, here I was, ecstatic and relieved I had been granted admission to the university that, after learning more about the school, I had come to admire."},{"type":"text","value":"For months, I had overheard conversations about applying to UCLA – students anxiously reviewed one another's essays for the application. Now, I was excited to learn who in my senior class I might be attending UCLA with."},{"type":"text","value":"But when I walked into calculus class, conversations about the university had quieted."},{"type":"text","value":"The usually rowdy class felt small and oppressively quiet. My classmates and friends stared at their notebooks intently like they were afraid of what would happen if they looked up."},{"type":"text","value":"As the day continued, people began to talk, but not in the way I expected. They were angry. They felt snubbed. They felt overlooked. People passed around brownies decorated with explicit comments about UCLA in class."},{"type":"text","value":"As news of my admission to the university broke, some of my classmates’ theories circulated back to me: I was granted admission because I happen to be Black."},{"type":"text","value":"Friends told me how hard they worked on their applications and how none of it seemed to matter once they had received that Friday’s admissions decisions. I listened to each and every complaint carefully and empathetically, trying to push down an emotion I had not dreamed would have overcome me so greatly on that day – guilt."},{"type":"text","value":"I didn’t disagree with them – they did work hard and perhaps they were snubbed. I was granted a spot that just as easily could have gone to them. But why me?"},{"type":"text","value":"From their perspective, since universities felt pressured to diversify their student bodies, they had to choose minorities. Minorities had an easier time getting into prestigious universities. This was the only way they could reconcile why, despite all their hard work, I was given a spot and not them."},{"type":"text","value":"Imposter phenomenon was first introduced in a 1978 journal article titled “The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention” by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, psychologists at Georgia State University at the time."},{"type":"text","value":"In the article, which conducted a study using a sample of 95 undergraduate women and 10 women with doctorates at a private university, found that ambitious and successful women felt they were not intelligent enough to occupy the positions they held and that they owed their success to either luck or to convincing others they were more intelligent than they were."},{"type":"text","value":"Following its introduction, imposter phenomenon was largely applied to groups other than women, most notably university students. Students were overcome by a sense of incompetence, fraud and intellectual inferiority that persisted despite evidence of accomplishments or success."},{"type":"text","value":"Since the release of Clance and Imes’ findings, myriad articles addressed the feelings of inadequacy that have plagued university students who credit their admissions to prestigious institutions to luck or other factors, carrying insecurity and fear stemming from the belief that they are intellectual frauds."},{"type":"line","value":"{\"filler\":\"filler\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Of the more than 31,000 undergraduate students enrolled at UCLA, only 3% are African American. My high school classmates were certainly right about one thing: There are not a lot of people at UCLA that look like me."},{"type":"text","value":"Though on some level I knew that my hard work and abysmal sleeping habits during high school were likely the cause of my UCLA acceptance, I could not say that being admitted as a diversity token never crossed my mind."},{"type":"text","value":"Almost immediately after my acceptance into UCLA, members of my senior class planted a seed of uncertainty and fostered the fear that I was an imposter."},{"type":"text","value":"The systemic exclusion of minorities from education and employment led to laws such as affirmative action, which promotes the inclusion of historically marginalized groups, including people of color and women, in education and employment through preferential selection of these groups."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"Editorial illustration by Sun of a person running and struggling to keep up with the rest of the group.\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/lauren.impostersyndrome/impostersyndrome.illo1-24d823716e2977cc315558b635687ec3.png\",\"credit\":\"Claire Sun\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Since affirmative action was created, stereotypes that minorities are accepted to prestigious universities as diversity tokens have surfaced. The assumption is that universities accept students because the law requires them to do so, rather than on the basis of their merit."},{"type":"text","value":"In his Kentucky Law Journal article, “The Smug Assumption of Reverse Discrimination: Abigail Fisher and Fisher v. University of Texas at Austin,” attorney R. Nicholas Rabold referred to this phenomenon as the “merit objection” to affirmative action: Disappointed college applicants feel cheated out of their acceptance to universities because affirmative action policies disregard merit when it comes to minorities."},{"type":"text","value":"This belief system has persisted and made college minorities like me experience imposter syndrome on another level."},{"type":"text","value":"Our fear can extend into almost every one of our accomplishments, making us question whether our race is the basis of our success."},{"type":"text","value":"I faced a double-edged sword."},{"type":"text","value":"If a member of a minority group faced discrimination in education and employment because of their race, it was a shame, but when they had success, it was also a shame because that success was only granted because of their race."},{"type":"line","value":"{\"filler\":\"filler\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Many college students, regardless of race, have experienced imposter syndrome."},{"type":"text","value":"Every year, members of the new class of the Stanford Graduate School of Business are asked whether they believe their admissions to the university were the single mistake the admissions committee made. Every year, more than half of the class raises its hands."},{"type":"text","value":"Jacqueline Penn, a second-year psychobiology student, said she had experienced imposter syndrome on some level, as she assumed most students had."},{"type":"text","value":"At about 7 p.m., we sat in a quiet space in the Covel Commons Residential Restaurant."},{"type":"text","value":"“I think imposter syndrome is based on the judgment of others,” she said. “It is entirely based on what other people believe and how that makes us feel.”"},{"type":"text","value":"When Penn first arrived at UCLA, she said the hierarchy in STEM was a rude awakening."},{"type":"text","value":"The psychobiology major was perfect for someone like her, who was interested in science and medicine, but, as the daughter of a psychologist, also held a strong curiosity about the biological processes of the brain, she said."},{"type":"text","value":"She soon learned, however, that psychobiology was often discredited within the STEM community at UCLA, looked down upon as being the “easy way out” among pre-medical students. This criticism instilled a sense of imposter syndrome in Penn, who struggled to filter out the dismissive commentary about her major."},{"type":"text","value":"“Something like imposter syndrome still exists because of people who feel the need to discount others’ accomplishments in order to feel better about themselves,” Penn said. “It is imposed by people who feel that they don’t belong themselves and then take it out on others.”"},{"type":"text","value":"As our conversation came to a close, I realized that, on some level, I envied Penn."},{"type":"text","value":"Her imposter syndrome stemmed from criticism that she recognized came from the insecurities of her critics. Once she realized this, it was something she was able to move past. Despite the criticism of her major, she knew she belonged here. She chose psychobiology because it was the best fit and she was going to stick with it."},{"type":"text","value":"She knew she could change her major if she wanted to or could have chosen a different pre-medical major in her application."},{"type":"text","value":"I could not have chosen not to be Black."},{"type":"text","value":"For minorities, imposter syndrome can be exacerbated."},{"type":"text","value":"Every time Naomi Humphrey, a second-year African American studies student, walks to class at UCLA, she counts how many Black students she sees. She said she never counts more than 15."},{"type":"text","value":"As a Black UCLA student and resident of South Los Angeles, Humphrey said imposter syndrome has isolated her at UCLA."},{"type":"text","value":"“It can be isolating to feel like you don’t deserve any of this, but you’re here as a diversity token,” Humphrey said. “It’s just hard to distinguish whether you got in because you are actually good or because of someone else’s agenda.”"},{"type":"text","value":"When she imagined going to a university, she had come to terms with the fact that there would not be a lot of people who looked like her. She did not expect there to be more than a 10% Black student population."},{"type":"text","value":"She did not foresee she would experience persistent feelings of inadequacy and intellectual inferiority at UCLA."},{"type":"text","value":"“As a minority, you feel a little lost and alone,” she said. “You don’t feel like everyone else at school experiences the same things that you do.”"},{"type":"text","value":"Among these experiences were differences in education and resources. Humphrey went to a high school in South LA with a predominantly Black student body. In her school, there were no Advanced Placement or International Baccalaureate courses, textbooks were outdated, and SAT and ACT tutors were unheard of."},{"type":"text","value":"“I can only speak from my own experience as part of my own community,” Humphrey said. “But a lot of Black students feel like they are pretending to be scholars and that they are just not at the level of those who learned more in their high school.”"},{"type":"text","value":"The educational disparity because of a lack of resources fueled her insecurities over her academic experiences, which fueled her imposter syndrome, she said."},{"type":"text","value":"“People would come up to me and say that I got in because they needed diversity,” Humphrey said. “It was upsetting, but it’s understandable because the thought honestly crossed my mind as well.”"},{"type":"text","value":"Even fellow Black students in her high school insinuated she got into UCLA because of her race."},{"type":"text","value":"“Honestly, as a minority, you feel pressured to do something spectacular,” she said. “If you have to represent your community, you have to do something great.”"},{"type":"text","value":"Though she was uninterested in STEM,  Humphrey said she first enrolled at UCLA as a pre-medical psychobiology student. She said it was difficult to come to a university like this and choose a major she was passionate about like African American studies, which she later switched to. It had to be something her community would be proud of."},{"type":"text","value":"“I know that there are not a lot of us here,” Humphrey said. “We are what, 3%? So when I see a Black student on campus, I just think just how hard they had to work to make it here and be a part of that 3%. ... It made me think differently.”"},{"type":"line","value":"{\"filler\":\"filler\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Ultimately, my high school peers’ theories about my admission were not only insensitive but impossible."},{"type":"text","value":"Though federal law allows universities to use race as a factor in admissions, California abolished the use of race, ethnicity and gender as criteria for admission to public schools like UCLA in 1996."},{"type":"text","value":"Despite the laws in place, the stereotypes surrounding college admissions can make minority students feel misplaced. Not a single University of California school has an undergraduate Black or African American student population of over 5%. UCLA has an African American student population of 3%."},{"type":"text","value":"I was one of four people in my senior class to be admitted to UCLA. For a while, I felt as though I had to answer for my acceptance differently than the others."},{"type":"text","value":"In truth, I might never know what the ultimate deciding factor for my admission to UCLA was – it could have been the personal essays I pored over, the resume that reflected my interests or the academic record I worked very hard to build."},{"type":"text","value":"Though I do find some solace in the fact that it was not because of my race, when I walk into a 400-person lecture and can count the number of Black students on one hand, the feeling of being an imposter creeps in."},{"type":"text","value":"But imposter syndrome is an attitude that people can overcome."},{"type":"text","value":"Marking my race was a small aspect of a holistic application – and my admission to UCLA was not contingent on whichever box I checked."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"Editorial illustration by Sun of a small sprout growing alongside large, beautiful flowers.\",\"url\":\"https://assets.dailybruin.com/images/lauren.impostersyndrome/impostersyndrome.illo2-1d4fc952137cf432ea53314452887f21.png\",\"credit\":\"Claire Sun\",\"caption\":\"\"}"}]}},"pageContext":{"term":"spring20","slug":"lauren.impostersyndrome"}},"staticQueryHashes":[]}