Prevent potential roommate conflicts by talking about sex, privacy needs early on
By Jordan Manalastas
Sept. 19, 2010 2:43 a.m.
Nowhere is liberty more at odds with privacy than in our university housing experience.
Anyone expecting an ounce of solitude in the decadent world of campus life will be rudely disappointed. But let us not beat round the proverbial bush: We students are a virile species, and our appetites are rarely subject to our reason. When Nature blooms she comes determined, regardless of our roommates.
To survive the year with but a shred of dignity and goodwill intact requires an openness about sexuality on everyone’s part. Otherwise, who knows what horrors may arise when Eros draws his unexpected bow?
Over half of our student population is sexually active ““ and that was in 2002; depending on whom you ask, it’s up to 30 percent higher nationally. If you live with a fellow student, it’s bound to happen to one of you.
And why not? No one should be embarrassed for the most basic human function. Neither should one feel like a stranger in his or her own room.
So assuming the respective parties aren’t into exhibition, someone will be left unhappy. It is this hapless balance between duty and desire that plagues the young libertine all these years.
“Sex is one of many things that cause conflict,” said Dana Pysz, an assistant director of the Office of Residential Life. “It should be given equal consideration (just like)any other problem.”
It is surely unpleasant to impose one’s pleasure over the comfort of his roommates. Nor does thwarting Nature’s course seem any more agreeable. Living with others is painful enough; you might as well get used to each other’s oddities ““ or at least learn of them before troubles start.
I’ve shared my breathing space with four individuals, each with varying degrees of success and openness apropos of carnal disposition. From the tiresomely timid to the curiously kinky, students come in all shades of the sexual spectrum. Sadly, Fortune doesn’t always place us with people of like persuasions.
There are those who, in consideration of their “morals” or “health” (my favorite excuse), will choose the path of chastity.
There are others yet who lack the urge to fornicate.
These are personal choices, worthy of respect, but to expect one’s roommates to follow suit is unconscionably naive.
No one lifestyle should dictate how another ought to be. I’ve seen sexpots live with the utterly sexless, playboys live with prudes, and the only times these alliances lasted peaceably were when the limits and license of sex were comfortably agreed upon.
As Pysz puts it, “The best time to talk about it is before it becomes an issue.”
It is passably easy ““ and winsome to the ego ““ to discuss interpersonal liaisons. It is another thing entirely to speak of one’s more introverted practices. Yet urges are urges, after all, and no one wants another Paul Reubens (of the Pee-wee Herman fame, who infamously crossed the line from private into public indecency).
There is no reason for one’s friendless forays to be treated any differently from sex. Both can be equally humiliating when gone awry.
Nor is there any sense in tiptoeing past the issue; sex is our greatest common denominator. To deny it is to deny our very humanity. With students freshly freed from the piercing watch of parents, one shouldn’t be reduced to self-imposed prudery. It is exactly this liberty that makes us responsible for our own sexuality, however seasoned or sinless. There is no better time than now to come into one’s own about sex ““ even if that only means you accept that other people do the deed.
In any case, the compromise needed in any sane coexistence will take resolve on all parties to be open about their needs. This compromise is urgent: Hormones can be kept at bay only for so long.
