Dear Facebook, please get out of my face

Last week, I signed into my Facebook account and noticed something new in the “suggestions” feature. It suggested that I “reconnect” with someone. At first, I thought it was really nice of Facebook to care so much about how often I talk to my friends. Then I got a second look at the profile picture.

I haven’t contacted that person in a while because quite frankly, I’m not sure my roommate would appreciate it if I started talking to her ex.

On Oct. 23, Facebook took their “suggestions” application one step further. Along with recommending I add “people I may know” to my friends list, it now suggests that I reconnect with others I haven’t interacted with on the Web site for some time.

It’s a cool trick, but I don’t think there was a need for it. While Facebook is a great way to stay in touch with people, the technology is not concerned with the human emotion behind relationships. Let’s say I decided to contact the blacklisted former flame only because Facebook told me to ““ I think that cheapens the attempt to reconnect. Social networking should not be directing our personal interactions.

I can understand why Facebook thought this was a good idea. It’s a nice piece of technology. They will keep track of how often you interact with another user and help you stay in close contact with them. What Facebook didn’t consider are the reasons why someone stops interacting with a Facebook friend.

Within hours of the feature’s launch, many users used their Twitter accounts to comment on the change. Turns out, Facebook has been suggesting that its users reconnect with current family members, former flings and in some unnerving cases, people who have died.

As Twitter user Neetee wrote, “Ironic that Facebook is suggesting I “˜reconnect’ with a friend who was murdered this year.” Another user, SulpHate, also commented, “Facebook just told me to reconnect with Justin. I would if he hadn’t died seven months ago. Facebook, you fail.”

Despite the mild sarcasm that comes with the remarks from those affected, their situation should not be taken lightly. It’s one thing for Facebook to tell me to reconnect with someone from high school whom I don’t really talk to and only added out of obligation to mutual friends. It’s another matter to bring up the raw emotions that usually accompany death. Obviously, it’s not intentional, but without this feature, it wouldn’t be happening.

Facebook did address the complaints that came from the friends of a user who have passed on. Facebook chief security officer Max Kelly posted on the company’s blog that in the case that a friend passes on, the creation of a “memorialized” profile will allow friends and family to continue posting memories on the page.

“We understand how difficult it can be for people to be reminded of those who are no longer with them, which is why it’s important when someone passes away that their friends or family contact Facebook to request that a profile be memorialized,” Kelly wrote. “By memorializing the account of someone who has passed away, people will no longer see that person appear in their suggestions.”

Even though Facebook tried to offer some comfort, it’s clear that technology cannot detect human nature behind relationships. It’s insensitive to argue that if they memorialized the page earlier, they wouldn’t have to remember someone who had passed away. It’s a reminder that while social networks readily provide connectivity, they are also providing a contrived way to interact with someone.

I’m sure some users are grateful to have a feature that lets them catch up with someone they forgot about, and I understand that. But how would you feel if the only time you receive a new wall post on your profile is when it’s been “suggested” to someone, rather than them actually wanting to talk to you? Personally, I’m not sure I want to be reconnected with someone who has to be reminded that we have a history.

Most of my friends are in college or have jobs that I know keep them busy, and I use Facebook to quickly connect with them when we have free time. I don’t need them to send me a wall post every day to feel like we’re connected. And I sure don’t consider us “reconnected” every single time they send me a free gift, “like” my status updates or wish me a happy birthday because it came up under their events.

I know I can ignore every single one of their suggestions to reconnect, just as I ignore every single invite to join “Farmville.” But I don’t like Facebook making assumptions about my personal relationships. It’s not Facebook’s job to act like a parent, encouraging you to befriend the shy kid because no one talks to them enough. Its job is to provide a space for us to connect with the people we choose to connect with.

Facebook should remember its features are artificial intelligence, and they shouldn’t suggest people for users to interact with. An algorithm can’t tell whether we’re not talking to someone because they are dead or because we’ve lost touch. However, we can because how we handle those relationships is based off real feelings that simply can’t be directed by technology.

I will admit, though, that Facebook’s suggestions to reconnect with people work really well. It does remind me of everyone still on my friends lists even when I haven’t spoken to them in a while. In some cases, I even remember why I stopped talking to them in the first place.

However, that’s not always a good thing. Instead of “reconnect,” maybe Facebook could call it the “remember to unfriend this person” feature. When it comes to those old flames, that’s a suggestion I’d like to have.

If Facebook suggests it, reconnect with Louth by e-mailing [email protected]. Send general comments to [email protected].