Construction imagery: the latest UCLA art exhibit

Unbeknownst to every single UCLA student but one, the
administration has commissioned an ambitious art project in the
form of construction imagery. You heard it here first: all the
construction on campus is actually art.

“Really?” asked first-year history student Julie
Lazar. “I didn’t know that.”

Misguided youth of America. When will they learn the importance
of keeping up with school news?

“Cranes, Drains and Articulating Z Booms: The Art of
Construction” allegedly began when school officials gazed in
admiration at the massive pit that would become Sunset 7 Parking.
“The Vacant Void,” as it would be redundantly called,
brought out the avant-garde artists in them (as well as the grammar
teacher in others).

Members of the art department jumped on board to supervise the
placement of various construction equipment. The towering twin
cranes that stand atop the two opposing hills of the campus are
magnificent monuments to behold either from the top of Janss Steps
or the seventh floor of Hedrick Hall. Kaufman Hall features a
brain-teasing, vertical grid of platforms dubbed “The
Maze.”

I know what you’re thinking: I should be
institutionalized. But how else do you explain the rampant
demolition of our pristine campus?

To add authenticity to this grand undertaking, real-life
construction workers were hired not only to operate these art
pieces but also to provide a human element to them. Foreman David
McCoun is involved in the Wooden West Addition construction site,
which is home to towering aerial equipment McCoun affectionately
calls “Zoom-booms.” The workers and the equipment
complement each other in a kind of performance piece.

To connect the masterpieces with one another, green fences and
yellow tape are the common color scheme. However, some students
feel the fences are blocking their class routes. Others complain
about the noise from the drilling and the dust from the
bulldozing.

This faction of disgruntled students needs to realize that the
art project attracts incoming students. A serene and visually
stunning campus weighs a lot on a student’s decision to
attend a certain school. I’m sure all the forklifts and
cherry-pickers have really impressed parents visiting the
campus.

Alas, abstract art is not for everyone. The lobby corridors of
Sproul Hall are lined with wooden planks and tubular steel gates,
but some students lack appreciation for this type of art. Lazar, a
freshman and Sproul resident, remains skeptical while living in a
building that boasts a virtual mine shaft as its lobby.

“It’s disappointing,” said Lazar.
“There’s no front desk so we have to go all the way to
Covel (Commons) to pick up our mail, which is
inconvenient.”

Foolish freshmen. Do they not realize the unique gift that has
been bestowed upon them? And to think they complain about dust from
debris in their eyes.

E-mail Chang at [email protected].