Color lines not a barrier to equality in interracial relationships

Monday, March 10, 1997

DATING:

Cross-cultural connections triumph because of caring bonds By
Linda Yoon

Daily Bruin Contributor

Natasha Williams, a first-year undeclared student, is half white
and half African American. Her boyfriend is white.

In the fading light of the twentieth century, open-mindedness
about interracial relationships seems to have sky-rocketed from
attitudes of the ’50s.

Yet, despite the growing awareness of the phrase "no color
lines," the sight of an inter-racial couple still surprises and
sometimes disturbs people.

Williams and Josh Fine, a second-year history student, have
dated for two years and five months. They both agree that strangers
tend to pause and stare at them, some more blatantly than
others.

"When we come across people who aren’t in the school environment
or people we’re not going to come across again, they stare. We know
this negative reaction is from people who don’t know us and they
just make the typical assumption that I’m selling out," Williams
said.

Although of a mixed heritage, Williams explains that people
can’t accept the duality of her ethnicity. Instead, they just see
an African American female with a white male.

Recently, the couple has received a very different type of
reaction to their interracial relationship. There were no distant
stares and mild comments. Instead, Fine alleges he was physically
assaulted in Rieber Hall by three African American males, two of
whom currently attend UCLA.

While Fine denies provoking them, he says the three males said
they heard him make a sharp remark and attacked him. Fine was taken
to a hospital, and the three attackers were never found.

The couple feels the assault was racially motivated.

"I got jumped … (and it) was the first time ever," Fine
said.

Mike De La Rocha, a second-year English student with a
specialization in Chicano Studies and Fine’s roommate, had never
experienced discrimination on a physical level because of his
interracial relationships. He was, however, treated to a different
type of discrimination.

"My ex-girlfriend was white and her parents didn’t like me
because I was Mexican. It didn’t cause any problems within the
relationship itself, but it hurt me deeply to go over there and
know they didn’t like me because of my race," De La Rocha said.
"They acted nicely, but you could tell they were struggling to be
nice."

De La Rocha is currently in a nine- month relationship with Mari
Schuck, a second-year child psychology student, who is also
white.

He emphasizes that Schuck’s family is open to their relationship
because they accept him as a person rather than as a Chicano.

"Mari’s family treats me fine. Her father is actually dating a
Mexican woman, and I think it also helped that he grew up in a
community where people were mostly Chicano," he said. "My
grandmother is really stoked (that we’re together) and my parents
are happy as long as I’m happy."

Schuck also explains that her family and friends are very
open-minded and do not take differences of ethnicity into
consideration.

"My friends don’t dwell on color, and even if they did, I
wouldn’t really care. My family doesn’t dwell on color either," she
said. "He’s just like any other guy I’ve dated, and my family likes
him a lot as Mike, not as a person of color."

Harmony in the family and in the relationship is only one of the
benefits of interracial dating.

De La Rocha and Schuck both feel they reap the rewards of
understanding other cultures and different perspectives.

"When you date someone within your own race, you don’t have to
translate certain cultural things … (But) interracial
relationships offer an insight into other cultures, the positives
(as well as) the negatives," De La Rocha said. "I got to see Mari’s
point of view and I also get to understand how Anglos think."

Schuck believes their relationship has given her a new pair of
mental glasses to wear, widening her perspective and teaching her
about the delicacy of interracial associations.

"If you date someone out of your own race, it kind of opens your
eyes to the shit that goes on. People of color are looked down upon
and it’s really mean," she said. "I’ve learned a lot about his
culture, like the difference between Mexican and Chicano. I also
learned that ‘Hispanic’ was coined by the white people and Mike
doesn’t like that. It’s very interesting."

Connie Tran, a second-year microbiology and molecular genetics
student, feels the same about her boyfriend of 16 months, agreeing
that their relationship has brought many of her preconceived
notions crashing down.

"I thought English people were anal, reserved, unemotional, but
they’re not like that at all. None of the stereotypes fit Simon,"
Tran said.

"I was only conscious (of the racial difference) in the
beginning, but not after a while. When Simon and I walked around, I
felt a little conscious because some people did look, but I don’t
notice it anymore," she said.

"There was even one entertaining moment when an Italian man
started using sign language to talk to me, assuming I didn’t know
any English. He didn’t seem to care that Simon was with me. He even
made little ‘chirp chirp’ noises to imitate the Asian language. We
had a great laugh about it."

Although Tran and her British boyfriend have been the objects of
people’s curiosity, they do not take note of the stares and the
occasional comments.

"Who cares what people think? It’s only a problem if you make it
a problem, so it’s up to the individual," Tran said.

"In fact, his British friends had more a problem with me being
American than being Chinese. Their first reaction to my being
American was, ‘I’m Sorry’ and they’d start laughing about it. It’s
a national pride thing, and it gets pretty hilarious."

Tran feels she and her boyfriend share surprisingly similar
cultures. His British cultivation instilled many of the same values
as Tran’s Chinese upbringing, such as the reserved nature of their
families and the practice of giving due respect to their
elders.

"It sounds weird … but we’re very alike. We haven’t had
arguments (regarding racial differences)," she said. "But we still
have some individual ethnic quirks."

Tran recalls her attempt to teach her boyfriend how to use
chopsticks.

"He wouldn’t ask me how to use it, he would just watch me for
the longest time and I didn’t catch on. Then I found out that he
was trying to mimic me. He couldn’t ask because he was
embarrassed," she said.

Although there are distinct problems and tensions involved in
inter-racial relationships, all the couples feel they benefit from
each other and their mutual satisfaction is worth the occasional
stare. However, Donna Espacio, a second-year undeclared student,
admits her current nine- month relationship with a fellow Filipino
is more comfortable than her previous interracial associations.

"There seems to be more understanding between my boyfriend,
Rendall, and me ­ like the values and cultural backgrounds.
With my ex-boyfriend, who was Mexican, it was a totally different
culture. When I went to his house, it was different from what I was
used to, but now when I go to Rendall’s house, I feel like I’m at
home because it’s all familiar," she said.

But Espacio emphasizes that dating outside of one’s race is
definitely beneficial. It expands a person’s world and brings with
it fresh views on life as well as awareness of other cultures.

"Interracial dating is worth the trouble (that society seems to
create), because in the end, it doesn’t matter if you’re African
American, Caucasian, Latino, Asian or whatever," she said. "If you
really care about the person, then it’s all going to be worth
it."