No regrets over time sacrificed at The Bruin
By Daily Bruin Staff
June 9, 1996 9:00 p.m.
Sunday, June 9, 1996
I came to UCLA and thought for sure my journalism days were
over.
After all, I had left my fifthgrade dream of being a journalist
behind by the time I was 16. I was pre-med. I was taking the Chem
11 series. I would have to volunteer at the hospital, study for the
MCAT, and buy a four-color click pen. I wouldn’t have time for
anything else.
Well, I was wrong. By the second quarter of my freshman year, I
was taking my first tour of the Daily Bruin offices. Now here I am,
three years later, coming to terms with the reality that my
journalism days … really are over.
When I first considered taking the managing editor position, I
asked myself over and over again how I would be able to prepare for
med school and manage one of the largest student-run papers in the
nation at the same time.
I thought long and hard about what I would be giving up and what
it would mean to constantly play a balancing act of working 40
hours a week, studying for the MCAT, working 50 hours a week,
getting good grades, working 60 hours a week and keeping my
sanity.
And here I am, nine months and an unbelievable 141 issues later,
and I can honestly say that every minute of my time, every ounce of
stress, every pound of coffee and every 3 a.m. emergency phone call
really was worth it.
Even the days when I would work 14-hour days and stumble home
late at night to study a few hours more. Even the days when I
didn’t want to get out of bed to go to work but did anyway because
I knew I had a job to do. Even the days when I would step outside
of Kerckhoff in the middle of the day and be amazed that people at
UCLA had time to walk around in the sunlight.
Because I have to say, no matter what anyone says, the good
really did outweigh the bad. How can I forget or deny the
excitement of breaking news, of pulling my staff together as a
team, of watching so many people work their asses off instead of
studying for midterms or going to the movies or hanging out with
their friends?
How can I forget or deny something that has forced me to
discover …
That hard work is important. That you should always keep your
head above water. That you can throw your entire self into
something and not need a "thank you" to make it all rewarding.
That whether you become a journalist or a doctor, you never
forget that people are human.
I really did love my job. I loved the people. I loved the
excitement of having to pull everything I had inside me together to
handle a situation. I loved that nervous feeling I got when I would
have 10 people looking at me and waiting for me, the one with all
the answers, to give them a solution. I loved waking up each
morning and going to work and having no idea of what would happen
when I got there.
These last few weeks have been just like the rest of the year
 a roller coaster. Once we reached the "10-more-issues-to-go"
mark, it really hit me. And, like every other editor in The Bruin,
I started counting down in my head. And as each issue hit the
racks, I went up and down the same roller coaster I’ve been on this
whole year. I instantly began to pair each descending number with a
corresponding emotion.
10. Surprise  I can’t believe it, we really are almost
done.
9. Desperation  Nine issues is longer than it sounds.
8. Amazement  My God, we really are almost done.
7. Happiness  I can’t wait.
6. Regret  I wish I had done more.
5. Pride  God, it’s been a good year.
4. Anxiety  Will we ever make it?
3. Fear  What the hell am I going to do with myself next
year?
2. Sadness  God, I’m going to miss it.
1. Euphoria.
So this is it, I guess. Thanks to every editor, writer,
designer, photog, artist, web designer and copy editor I harassed
to keep production flow rolling. Thanks to my roommates for keeping
up with the messy room I rarely had time to clean. And thanks to my
entire staff for making every minute I spent at The Bruin worth
it.
I guess it’s time to box up everything on my bulletin board and
take three years home with me. But it really is time. It’s time for
people who are just like I once was  starting out with fresh
new ideas about The Bruin  to do what they can to change
things. What else can I really say? I wish them the best, and may
they always remember that in the end … it’ll really be worth
it.
Good luck.
Cruz was the 1995-96 Managing Editor. No, she hasn’t gotten her
MCAT scores back yet.
