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Nothing compares to a mother’s love

By Daily Bruin Staff

May 9, 1996 9:00 p.m.

Thursday, May 9, 1996

Learn to love and appreciate her for all she means to you

I’ll confide to you that this is difficult for me to write. I
love words, but right now I’m at a loss for them. It’s like
constructing a monument out of thin air, which, of course, would be
impossible.

Maybe you know how I feel. After all, Mother’s Day is coming up,
and I’m sure you’re frantically trying to write your mom a card.
Some of you, I know, are seriously considering just signing your
name. You’re wondering if it’s OK to revert back to childhood and
draw hearts and stick figures. Feelings, after all, are so
difficult. That’s why you went out and bought the perfect greeting
card.

It was so easy as a child to say, "I love you, Mommy," and be
done with it. Perhaps you’d add an impulsive hug to punctuate this
announcement. Perhaps you’d just push aside the screen door and go
outside to play.

But having a relationship with either parent is not so easy when
you’re grown. It’s hard to get them to realize that you can make
your own decisions. But let’s constrain this subject a little
before we get too far. Let’s neglect fathers right now and exclude
sons. Let’s talk about mother-daughter relationships. It’s a topic
that’s recently been very much on my mind.

There are so many emotions that come to mind when I think about
my mom, so many things that I wish I could say outright. Or even
just write down. But words are not emotions. No matter how
expressive my words may be, I wonder if they can ever convey the
depth of my emotion. This is similar to attempting to do a
running-jump, double-side-kick and falling. Needless to say, I
don’t recommend the experience. It makes you want to give up. It
makes you afraid.

I can admit that I’m frightened. I’m so afraid of not being able
to say what I mean. I’m terror-stricken that my words will come
across as insubstantial or overly sentimental. And more than
anything, I want my mom to like what I’ve written. After all, I’m
writing it for her.

People never seem to understand why I consider my mom one of my
best friends. I’ve been told so many horror stories that I wonder
if anyone I know gets along with her mother. My friends say that
their moms just don’t understand them. They call it a generation
gap. A gap they consider impossible or unnecessary to bridge. No
matter how hard I try, I can’t make them realize what they’re
missing. They think I’m somewhat of an oddity. They respond to me
with a smile and a nod.

Well, I’ll admit I’m a bit overzealous. Frankly, I’m amazed that
I have any sort of relationship with my mom. When I was growing up,
I was definitely Daddy’s little girl. I always managed to persuade
him to buy me outlandishly expensive things. Besides, he was the
one who would take me to the library on weekends. And books were my
passion.

Moreover, my mom and my older sister seemed to have formed a
club that I could never join. They went shopping and left me home.
Quite honestly, I’ve never been keen on clothes shopping.
Especially when the clothes aren’t for me. Based on previous
experiences, my mother and sister were well aware of that. Still, I
was hurt. I felt left out. It took me a long time to get over that
imagined barrier. It took me a long time to understand.

But I am sincerely glad that I made the effort. My mom is the
strongest person I know. She is giving and compassionate,
hardworking and honest, intelligent and wise. Yes, I consider her a
paragon. Yes, I want to be like her. Sometimes I think I may be
striving for the stars. I like to keep in mind that my mom always
taught me to have high ambitions.

I think that mothers are one of the most important assets that
we daughters have. Certainly, there are few people that can be as
supportive to a daughter as her mother. After all, if I am
desperately seeking advice in the middle of the night, my dad will
roll over and go back to sleep, my sister will be rather cross with
me in the morning and my friends will only be coherent if they’re
already awake. My mom, though, always seems to know exactly how to
help me. She always knows the right thing to say. And she’ll only
be slightly mad if I wake her up.

The bond between mother and daughter is often abstruse, an
enigma, hard to define. A wild concoction of joy and sorrow and
laughter. Add equal parts of love and craziness, and there you have
it. Quite simply, it’s a connection that exists without a tangible
definition. It can’t be neatly pinned down and dissected.

It’s not an abstract concept, but neither is it living. It hangs
somewhere in the balance, reminding us that few things in this
world are clear-cut. And this bond goes forward, gains power,
remains essential to who we are ­ but barely visible. As if it
were related to the air we breathe. As if it were ingrained
somewhere deep within us, a caged desire patiently waiting for the
right moment to be set free.

It’s my deepest belief that every daughter should get to know
her mother. I mean really sit down with her. Really talk. Until you
know all her hopes and desires and have confided in her your own.
Until you understand what her life has been like. Until she
understands the person you’ve become.

Believe me, it makes a difference. It’s a relationship that
means so much. It’s a bond that is very hard to shatter.

After all, you are a part of your mother. Let her be a part of
your life. Appreciate who she is. And most of all, have the courage
to say, "I love you, Mom."

Then come to the wonderful realization that it’s true.

Kotadia is a first-year biology student. Her column appears on
alternate Fridays.

It’s my deepest belief that every daughter should get to know
her mother …. Until you know all her hopes and desires and have
confided in her your own. Until you understand what her life has
been like. Until she understands the person you’ve become.

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