Students get steered toward Bruin herd

Sunday, April 7, 1996

Action must take place of apathy to change campus life Apathetic
Bruins must take action to change campus lifeBy Gibran Bouayad

"Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’. Keep them doggies rollin’. Rollin’,
rollin’, rollin’, rawhide (whiplash)." Traditionally a song
synonymous with the herding of cattle, "Rawhide" can be commonly
heard (no pun intended) as the battle cry of the 34,000-some-odd
students who consider UCLA their stomping grounds. Whether these
students are studying or just chewing the cud, the feeling of
bovinity (a word that has its roots in the English words bovine and
divinity) is overwhelming. In fact, the Bruins are currently
engaged in a campaign to change their mascot to the Beastly
Bovine.

In an informal poll, seven out of 10 students affirmed their
allegiance for the change in name. Of the remaining three, one
wanted to stay a Bruin (and was severely pummeled by nearby bovine
patriots); one had no comment as she ran away (perhaps because we
approached her in a dark parking garage at three in the morning);
and the third wanted the Bruins to be known as the Bubba Gump
Ceaseless Shrimp (and received an even harsher beating than the
other dissenter). It is quite evident what the eventual outcome
will be.

Local vendors are scrambling to take advantage of this seemingly
soon-to-be baptism. Maloney’s On Campus, a popular bar in the
Westwood shire is ready to change their name to Mooloney’s On The
Farm, as are many other places of business. Other establishments,
such as the Heifer King ­ formerly Fallafel King ­ are
changing their menus accordingly. "We will no longer serve anything
which does not consist of at least 25 percent cow products,"
remarked Javier, manager of the Heifer King.

Vegetarians and vegans alike are up in arms. "Like, why can’t we
be called something, like, you know, the celery stalks or
something, you know," said third-year herbivore, Beta Brane.
Chancellor what’s his name responded with a harsh ultimatum. "If
(vegetarians) don’t like it, (they) can go to Santa Cruz."
Chancellor Young has been a big supporter for the new nomenclature,
"I’ve followed someone else my whole life, I feel this idea of
students being cattle is a positive move that gives them a sense of
direction and takes away the confusion of having to make one’s own
decisions."

Fifth-year physics student and new mascot campaign coordinator,
Carey Briks, stated, "There are a lot of people who want this
change. I feel there is a tremendous weight on my shoulders, but
with all the support from the chancellor, alumni and students, I
feel the Bovine will be victorious. The whole steer (alright, pun
intended this time) toward the change in name stems from
continually growing sentiment of students that they are being
treated and thought of as cattle by the UC system. The psychology
department on campus had diagnosed this feeling as an Uderpis
Complex, from relying on milk for cookies and cereal." However,
students disagree.

"There are many reasons why we feel like cattle," commented
second-year engineering student Jack Stephensky. "For one, there
are lines at every essential building, window and register. I feel
like I am being led to the slaughterhouse. The only difference is a
bill or fee of some sort at the end rather than a shotgun to the
head, which can be just as painful."

Other students had different reasons for feeling like cattle.
Second-year communications student Heather Graph said, "I’ve had so
many TAs that can’t speak English that I understand about as much
as a cow would, maybe even less." Other top reasons students feel
like cattle at UCLA:

* People at Bruin Walk who try to "brand" you with their
beliefs.

* All the warning tape and the gates that surround the
never-ending carousel of construction that usher us through as
though we have two horns and a tail.

* The dining commons ­ it takes four stomachs to even try
to tolerate the food, much less digest it.

* Bruin Walk in general.

* The way they milk us for everything we’ve got by raising our
tuition fees 135 percent since 1990 without even allowing us to
have a say in the matter.

* The general shoddy upkeep of the terrain which allows huge
bodies of water to collect, drowning many of our incoming freshmen
and several outgoing seniors.

* Although cows do not drive, the whole screwed-up parking
situation where they do not give out enough permits to students, in
order to allow room at all times for people who come to UCLA for
engagements. (Who, I might add, do not pay tuition, dorm expenses,
or the outrageous 400-and-some dollars for a permit for the year.)
OK, breathe, breathe.

* The destruction of affirmative action against the wishes of
students, faculty and the Academic Senate. This will essentially
designate those "undesirables" as ones that will be allocated to
make paste out of.

* Apathy toward student government, which prevents people from
becoming informed. It is much like the cows not passing down the
line that Pete Wilson and the UC Board of Regents are waiting at
the other end with a shotgun for all the other poor cows.

These are a few of the most common responses by soon to be
Beastly Bovines. This feeling of unimportance and lack of a voice,
however, has been accepted and apparently tolerated by the students
of UCLA even though they can get involved or at least informed
through our student government. Our voice, once informed, can be
stronger and make a definite difference.

Sara N. Dipity, a second-year undeclared student reaffirms the
concept of bovinity. "Hey, we’ve gotten used to it. It’s not so bad
anyway. I mean, come on, in India they worship the cow."

If the students of UCLA and the other UC campuses have been
completely broken by the UC system, then the Bruin of today will be
the Bovine of tomorrow. It’s too bad really, I was just getting
used to that new Bruin bear with the idiotic smile and the blue
eyes. Every time I see it, I hear Scooby’s voice, "Huuhhh!" Boy, do
I love Scooby.

Bouayad is a second-year bum who has nothing against
vegetarians, vegans, the chancellor and a few of the Bruin Walk
solicitors.