Common Courtesy?

Common Courtesy?

Politeness, chivalry sometimes perceived

as offensive in shifting culture of

equality-driven society

By Toni Dimayuga

When an elderly woman is unable to cross the street through
speeding traffic, a good boy scout would traditionally come to her
aid. Although a popular example of common courtesy, the
aforementioned offer of assistance would probably be met with a
different reaction today than it would have years ago, experts and
students agree.

Shifting cultural attitudes have affected how people perceive
acts of courtesy, and some claimed this has led to polite actions
meeting with negative responses in some instances.

Jeffrey Alexander, a sociology professor, said that while there
has not been an increase or decrease in the practice of common
courtesy, there has been a change in culture and behavior.

"I think that people, when they interact with strangers, behave
as they always have, (but) there is less emphasis on friendliness
because of culture change. People are more competitive now (and
care more about their) private lives and getting ahead," Alexander
said.

He added that increase of egalitarianism has made some forms of
courtesy seem patronizing, which could create tension in some
situations.

Some students said that people have always shown a lack of
courtesy and do not see why it should be important.

"People are just as rude as they ever were … it doesn’t seem
that (they) put much importance (in common courtesy)," said Curtis
Watts, a fourth-year sociology student. He added that some people
may be suspicious of others and tend to avoid strangers.

"People are really skeptical of making eye contact with people
they don’t know," Watts said.

Other students claimed that courteous behavior, or lack thereof,
is largely the result of upbringing.

"I think they think it’s not necessary anymore … parents don’t
teach their kids (common courtesy)," said Jennifer Jones, a
second-year biology student at Stanford.

Others, like third-year psychology student Aaryn Cohen, argued
that responses to acts of courtesy depend on each person’s mood and
personality.

Environmental surroundings may be another factor in the practice
of common courtesy, students said.

"City people keep to themselves, but (people from the suburbs)
are not as put off by strangers," claimed Ajai Chari, a second-year
medical student.

Some courteous people are at times dissuaded by negative
responses from those whom they seek to help. Anahita Sahba, a
second-year pre-communication studies student, recalled a Good
Samaritan who was accused of theft.

"One of my dad’s employees at the gas station found a person’s
wallet and took it to the owner, who then accused him of stealing
it. It happened again, so now he was scared of telling (the
owner)," Sahba said.

Kathy Molini, the Office for Students with Disabilities
director, recalled an example of someone offering help to a
physically disabled person and unknowingly offending her.

"I was observing a severely disabled person try to push a button
to open a door. She’d been trying and trying to do so when someone
came up behind her, pushed the button, and walked on. She was
furious (because) she was concentrating on doing that and that
person took it away from her," Molini said.

Molini said that when it comes to offering assistance to the
physically disabled, people sometimes think they are helping, when
in actuality they are offending. Molini explained that there are
many reasons for a physically disabled person to react negatively
to offers of help.

"It could be their personality, or the person is in the
continuum of gaining their independence, or they’re not used to
having assistance," she explained. She mentioned that some
able-bodied people don’t acknowledge the wishes of the physically
disabled and still do things for them, despite their protests.

In order to avoid being offensive, Molini suggested asking the
physically disabled person if he or she needed help first, then
complying with his or her wishes.

Many said that common courtesies have changed in relationships
between men and women. Men have traditionally been taught to be
gentlemen, to open doors for women or compliment their appearance.
However, what may seem as an innocent gesture or comment may be
taken out of context.

"Women are very interested, and rightfully so, in equality.
Those behaviors can be viewed as (patronizing)," Cohen said. "(If a
man opens a door for you) it’s almost saying you can’t do it
yourself.

"I think women are getting confused between common courtesy and
sexism … they’re going overboard," she continued.

Such negative reactions may lead men to be wary of practicing
courteous behavior in the future, but Cohen said that it depends on
a man’s upbringing.

"I think they would be hesitant, but if they’re raised in a
courteous way, they would still be courteous," she said.

Some believe that courtesy should be a two-way street.

"You should open doors for anybody regardless of gender or age,"
Chari said.

"If I get to the door first, I’ll open it for my boyfriend …
women can be courteous too," Jones agreed.