Indiana Jones and the Temple of déjà vu
By Daily Bruin Staff
March 2, 1995 9:00 p.m.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of déjà vu
Disneyland’s newest ride, based on the three-movie adventures of
the famous archaeologist, offers three doors representing wealth,
knowledge and eternal youth  too bad they all lead to the
same room. So much for the amusement park’s ‘interactive’
creation.
By Michael Horowitz
Daily Bruin Senior Staff
Banish the word "interactive" from your head.
It’s just one of the words Disney is tossing around in
overhyping its new Indiana Jones Adventure ride, the fruit of
collaboration with trilogy god George Lucas  one of the words
that just isn’t correct.
The hook of the new ride, what makes it "bigger and better than
anything that’s been done before," are the choices guests are
supposedly allowed to make, variations on the adventure that make
no two visits alike.
What they failed to mention is that after waiting three hours to
check out the ride again, your memory for detail will fade to the
point that the differences will be incidental. Two rides may never
be the same, but good luck telling them apart!
After this initial disappointment, or necessary dropping of
standards, as the case may be, the Indiana Jones Adventure is a
damn good ride. In sound, design and story it complements and
builds on the world class entertainment upon which Disney rests its
reputation. Every single inch, every tiny turn, every voice, every
note is perfectly, completely orchestrated, and to great
effect.
This brings us to major problem No. 2. What Disney means by
160,000 possible ride/show programming combinations is that most of
the microscopic elements of the ride are variable. Sometimes Indy
will yell "Tourists!" in disgust, other times he’ll brag "You can’t
tell me that wasn’t big fun." Sometimes your troop transport will
careen through the ride at record pace and other times it will
break down in the dark.
Here’s the catch: The random programming works to the detriment
of the ride. The most fun you can have on this ride is if it zooms
through at top speed, bucks the most and screeches the loudest. If
it stops, you lose!
The ride also lacks the blow-you-out-of-the-water-for-good
finale that Disney had seemingly perfected. After walking over to
Star Tours upon the conclusion of Indy, it’s questionable which
ride uses cutting edge technology better.
Yet both rides do right by generously borrowing from their
source material, and Indy is chalk full of the three films of
temple-spelunking. While the voice you hear isn’t Harrison Ford’s,
it’s tough to get his distaste for snakes, bugs and rolling
boulders out of your head while his sardonic world view pervades
the ride. Disney has successfully crammed every surface with as
many points of interest as possible to ensure each future ride will
be just as visually stimulating. And while Indy never gains the
momentum of a true rollercoaster, its powerful tilts and bounces
will threaten to hurl you off the vehicle.
Because of the fact that the line for this ride will be longer
than any of the movies it’s based on until well after the year
2000, a few tips will greatly aid the amateur adventurer on getting
the most bang for the wait.
The 12-person troop transport, your vehicle for the 3 minute 40
second journey, boasts three rows of seats with state-of-the-art
speakers and incredibly necessary seatbelts. The front sides are
the best places to be, for there the ride is the wildest and most
enjoyable. If Michael Eisner shows up and allows you to personally
select your ride position, choose the right front seat.
Second, when walking through the line, make sure to push, pull
and twist every possible rope, pole and lever, for you will trigger
random programmed responses designed to ease your subterranean
struggle.
Third, don’t look into Mara’s eyes. Mara is the god the ride is
created around, and each preprogrammed journey is dispatched on the
assumption that someone in the fearful 12 gazes into her eyes and
casts the car into evil. Maybe if you can make every passenger look
away you will be rewarded with the vastly different adventure
Disney seems to promise.
Horowitz rode the Indiana Jones Adventure 14 times and never got
to go through the left door, but he knows it leads to the same room
as the center and right doors. How’s that for interactive?
